...I knew I forgot something yesterday. I had to do errands and I rushed that post. My days have been busy lately...I've been troubled, so I've been doubling down on my 12-step program, on account of it makes me feel better, and my poor dear Lulu is in her end-of-days and she's requiring a lot of attention and care.
She has no feeling in her hind end any more, and apparently never knows it when she's going to poop. Her back legs are extremely weak. She has trouble holding "the pose," so she has a tendency to poop, collapse into it, then thrash around in it as she struggles to get up, getting it all over everywhere. I never know what I'm going to find when I go out and come back home again. I've been keeping my time away from the house to a minimum. The record for cleanup so far is three ever-lovin' hours, but yesterday's accident was two hours out of my morning and it was no piece of cake. The dear old lady did not like her hose-bath—very undignified. But I have no choice: my house has one shower, inaccessibly located, no bathtub, and no laundry sink. General assertion, in passing: a house needs a bathtub and a utility sink. My cousin Hammy built his dream house and included a custom-built dog-bathing station in the oversized garage. What I wouldn't give. My neighbor Ilene quoted Bob Marley: "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." It's not like other people don't have it much worse.
All this pales against "the" decision. I've never been through end-of-life with a dog before, and I don't know how to make the decision. I've been preoccupied by the idea of it. Talking to other people about it only goes so far. You can of course err on either side: you can put them down too early, which is cruel and seems selfish, as if it's for your convenience; or keep them alive too long, which is also cruel and also seems selfish but in a different way...because you love them and you don't want them to leave. And there's no such thing as the perfect decision. You just have to do your best. I'm dreading the day, and it won't be long now.
The only problem this morning was minor. I call it the water-bowl axiom. These days, if she drinks, she's going to upset the water bowl and spill. I don't know how she does it. The water bowl is never safe no matter how safe I think it is. You'd think she could come over to the water dish, drink, then move away from it again, as she has been doing all her life, but no, not any more. I've gotten wise and only give her water out on the deck now. After she finished drinking this morning she was standing placidly on the deck about six feet from the water dish. I was sizing up the situation and thinking, naw, the water bowl is safe. Just as I was contemplating this she lost her balance, staggered violently to the side, covered the six feet in about a second and a half, and, falling, wildly stuck out a paw, which smacked the edge of the water dish and sent it spinning up into the air, most of the water missing the deck and coming down on her.
No harm done—the water doesn't need to be mopped up out on the deck, and I can dry her off with a towel—but it's uncanny. She just has a knack. Once, from the kitchen, I heard her peacefully lapping up water, and then the noise stopped. So I walked over to check on her, and I found her turned entirely around and collapsed with her bottom in the water dish. When she collapses she can't get up on her own. So she was just sitting there looking up at me mournfully, as if to say, so sorry, boss, but, uh, I'm going to need a hand here....
I'm taking time every day to let her know I love her. She's still her.
Jutta Fausel-Ward, from her own archive
Anyway, here's the one I forgot for that "Around the Web" post: a great article from Autoweek called "186,000 Racing Photos and the Woman Who Shot Them All," subtitled, "Photographer Jutta Fausel-Ward was a friend and confidant of many of the great drivers from several generations." By Mark Vaughan. You can get a good idea of things just from the pictures and captions, but the writing is good too. Who says there aren't great woman photographers even in domains stereotypically thought to be for men? I'm happy to learn about Jutta. She had a formidable career. Sorry to leave it out yesterday, but it's one of the nice things about a blog—you can always add more.
Mike
(Thanks to Jim Hayes)
Book of the Week
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. "Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence." A tough slog of a read, but full of revelations. And it reviews many strategies, both conventional and alternative, toward relief and healing.
This is a link to Amazon from TOP. The following logo is also a link:
Original contents copyright 2020 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:
darlene: "I wanted to add as a 63 year-old female commercial photographer, I never had a difficult time finding work. Since I first started working in NYC ad agencies as an advertising artist in the 1980s, I learned a lot about the business of commercial art professions, and acquired the necessary 'tough skin.' It had always been a man's world in ways back then, especially when it came to pay scales which I accepted if I wanted to 'work for someone else.' After I grew tired of hearing the popular pay scale discrepancy excuse: 'a man had to support his family' because I came from a single mother home with no financial support from a man whatsoever, I decided it was time to break out on my own and charge the same as any other photographer did. It was the best thing I did, but only after I learned from the school of hard knocks."
[Thanks to everyone for the kind and helpful comments about Lulu. I won't "Feature" any of those, but I appreciate them. —Mike]
David Lee: "Thank you for the link to Jutta’s work. I didn’t know that she was there when Pedro Rodriguez crashed and she refused to sell the photos. I am a big fan of Pedro."