Overly long and convoluted story: beloved doggie Butters has turned up mysteriously ill. Late in the evenings, I play pool out in the pool shed, and throw his ball from the doorway toward the woods for him to fetch. Since he's been sick he's been losing weight, and the other night he found something in the woods he thought he should eat. And he wouldn't come to my call. So I set off across the snow in the frigid cold in my shirtsleeves to retrieve him, moving too fast because it was cold (somewhere around 0°F / –18°C), and I tripped over an old wellhead I ought to have known was there. Went down like a sack of rocks against the frozen ground. First time I've fallen in about three and half years. And it was a bad one: made involuntary noises, and had to lay there for a while trying to assess if something had busted.
Turned out something had. I have a broken or cracked rib. I can't raise my right arm above my shoulder, and my whole body aches. So far it's gotten worse every day since the accident happened on Monday night. Apparently ribs take about six weeks to heal. I'd settle for starting to trend in the good direction.
Social network
By coincidence, I had my physical yesterday with my most excellent doctor, and things aren't going so well with me. The good doctor read me the riot act (not really, but he had a lot of suggestions) about diet and exercise. Anyway, one of the things he suggested was that a social support network is effective for progress with regimens and routines. I already attend a 12-step group to help others get clean and sober and so I can stay that way myself, and that works. But there's nothing like it hereabouts for eating and exercising.
So what I'm thinking about is some sort of health support group, online, drawn from the ranks of readers here who are in need of the same thing. Not to tell anyone what to do, but so we can help each other in doing it—whatever our own goals happen to be.
Does anyone have any interest in that, and if you do, do you have any thoughts about what it might look like? I've given up my Zoom account, but maybe a Zoom group, say, twice a week? Maybe a second blog? A YouTube check-in, where people report on their own progress and acknowledge and encourage others in the comments? That's as far as I've gotten. I need help figuring out some sort of structure that might work, and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with anything like that.
I can't seem to break myself of the habit of eating out, and I realize that it's the social aspects of it that I like. I certainly don't like the expense, and the food itself, while sometimes a guilty pleasure, ranges from not the best to atrocious. But waiters and waitresses get paid to be kind to me, and the attention and sociability (and having someone else fix the food, which I admit I just hate doing) makes it feel like someone cares about me, which, being single and living alone, I don't get much of otherwise. When I followed that WFPB diet for 18 months, ending in late May 2021, the health results were spectacular, but it coincided with the peak of pandemic: we were supposed to stay home. Now, however, if I'm going to be motivated to eat better food at home more of the time, it needs to not feel like quarantine somehow.
I'd be grateful to hear anyone's thoughts about this*.
Mike
*But please, no lectures. I'll return the favor.
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An alternative to eating out as a way to socialize is to maybe switch to just having coffee with a group. You'll spend less, eat less and have the same fun. The trick is to find a convivial coffee house. (I'd recommend finding an indie, but I'd say that about everything. I think that one of the things our culture has done wrong is to rely on large corporations when we did not need to. Note the take-over of veterinarians by private equity. Prices have gone up and services down. Why was this a good idea exactly?)
Posted by: Robert Roaldi | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 10:21 AM
Good luck in healing up from the fall! I think for many people, the "support" you are looking for can be found at a gym. Likeminded people trying to stay fit. I know you are not in the most populated area, but can you head into town to a gym and have it coincide with a nice meal out after? I understand when one eats out they don't have strict control over the ingredients, but ordering a cobb salad with chicken or a salmon dinner with rice and broccoli is very different than a pizza and a coke. I make a breakfast shake each morning. My wife makes dinner about 2-4 nights per week. I eat out every lunch and the other dinners - I like to be "out." While I don't have any acute health issues at 53, I will say that at every single meal I feel like I am "thinking" about health. No sugary drinks after growing up on soda. I LOVE dessert but limit that as best as possible - dark chocolate or maybe half of the cookie, etc. And I go to the gym maybe 3 days per week. As I've said on here before, I am sort of the anti-extremist. Not willing to go full-on WFPB diet. Not going to the gym 6 days a week. But just consistently trying to be "good." All that said, I think number one is finding a gym where you could do some type of exercise with other people multiple days per week. And get on it - we need you here!
Posted by: JOHN B GILLOOLY | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 10:33 AM
Mike! Hang in there. We're going to be neighbors soon. Well, kinda. We're moving to Burdett this summer, south end of Seneca, outside of Watkins Glen. A buddy of mine bought some land up in your neck of the woods, and they'll be building a summer home there, so I'll be venturing over to Penn Yann from time to time too.
In preparation for moving and the rigors of rural life, my wife and I began taking advantage of the gym and a personal trainer here in our over-55 community.
I wish I had done this years ago. They say the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today. So look into the Yates Community Fitness Center, get a personal trainer and start doing resistance training. It's social, and it's amazing.
Maybe check out the hiking clubs too.
We're looking forward to this new adventure of aging in a new place. I call our place Winterfell.
Can't offer much help on the virtual thing, but there do seem to be some resources there locally. I think getting into a gym might be just the ticket for you. (After your ribs heal. But do the homework now. Make a plan.)
Best wishes.
Posted by: Dave Rogers | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 10:44 AM
"Support groups" are everywhere, if you broaden your definition of support. You already hinted at that when you mentioned the importance of the social aspect.
Take a yoga class at the rec-center, join a book club, ballroom dance?, coffee klatsch every Monday morning, volunteer at Meals on Wheels.
I got T-boned a couple years ago and broke more than a couple ribs. MAAAN, that hurt. Six to ten weeks is the universal constant of broken bones. Frankly, It took four weeks before I could roll out of bed without major pain.
Posted by: Tom Stermitz | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 10:59 AM
Whew! Your post covers a lot of ground, I'll just give you some reactions to it off the top of my head…
Cracked ribs, been there done that, six weeks is about right, the odd thing about the recovery is that it doesn't seem to get any better and then, one day-the pain is gone! Don't get discouraged.
I find that Zoom groups can be very effective (I'm in a photo group know and have been in book groups in the past) but I find they get kind of diffuse with over 6-8 members. You need a good moderator.
Exercise is a tough one. I've found my own routine, but it is hard for me to bond to 'professional' approaches.
When eating out, as you mentioned, the food is often not worth the bother. I have eaten in a couple of Michelin star restaurants and they have been spectacular in food and presentation andatmosphere, more akin to an intimate stage play than a dinner. Very inspirational. Very expensive. The Leica of dining.
I do the bulk of cooking in my household, and have gotten better at it since I retired, but I'm more of a variations-on-a-theme kind of chef, rather than an explorer. Odd-ball cookbooks can be fun to explore.
A great post, Mike, it really made me think.
Posted by: Stephen Cowdery | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 11:10 AM
I'm five hours ahead of you, I think, and eight hours ahead of the US West coast, so a Zoom meeting probably isn't practical for me.
But I do know what it's like to live alone, and how important it is to get out regularly. I manage every Thursday evening and most Friday nights, and a couple of times a month with the BSA (motorcycles) Owners Club.
I had a heart attack in March and I've been slowly getting my health back ever since. It wasn't a serious one and I was able to call for the ambulance myself. But if I hadn't lost so much weight it would have been a different matter; perhaps I wouldn't have been able to call for help at all. This is the trouble with living alone.
So the town where you go for your 12-step group, is there anywhere you can go for a walk, before or after? Or is there anything else going on in that town, maybe on another day?
It doesn't have to be eating or exercise based, but just regularly getting out of the house and socialising will make you feel better about things; you'll be more likely to keep to exercise and dieting regimes. It's all very nice to go for a meal, but meeting a few people who you share an interest with and having a coffee and a chat will be much more fulfilling.
I was told the other day that getting my cat has made me much more sociable. I'd say get a pet but you are already ahead of me on that one!
Posted by: Roger Bradbury | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 11:27 AM
Try making some cards and pasting them around the house. Suggest the text could be-
"When I followed that WFPB diet for 18 months the health results were spectacular."
Posted by: Clayton | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 11:37 AM
Hello Mike,
Not being able to raise your arm above the shoulder is typical of a broken shoulder blade. Did you have any x-rays taken?
I was knocked off my bike a few years ago, had my arm in a sling for a few weeks, and now all is fine again (could lift a Pentax 6x7, the ultimate test).
All the best!
Posted by: Nico. | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 11:53 AM
Cooking classes are not just for foodies. They are fun. You learn something, get inspired about food prep, and meet people. There must be classes available near you.
Build a repertoire of a few healthy dishes and stock ingredients at home.
Stock easy, minimal-effort meals. Make your default, anytime meals healthy. Think eggs and pasta. No shame in eating healthy cereal or a PB&J sandwich for dinner.
You can do this! Good luck
Posted by: Andrew Bearman | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 11:59 AM
Online support groups for addressing the root cause of being out of shape are a total waste of time. Join a local walking group. That's not a lecture just my opinion based on experience.
Posted by: Eric Rose | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 12:28 PM
Reading the first paragraph, I thought this was going to be Bones, Part V.
Maybe you could invite friends over and cook for them. Socialization, healthier food, and some exercise via cooking and cleaning. Or find some restaurants with healthier fare.
Older than you, I make sure to start every day (after making my bed, always) on the treadmill and exercise bike, followed by some light weights. Puts me in the right mindset and mood to tackle the day.
Posted by: Jeff | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 12:30 PM
I might be up for something like that. Like Mike, I had an experience with diet that had remarkably positive health benefits. I took part in a university study where they provided all of my food for two eight-week periods with a short break in-between. It was a comparison of plant-based protein vs pork protein. For both, I dropped weight like crazy, and my cholesterol and other measures all improved dramatically. The study wasn't meant to do all of that, but I guess my normal diet was so bad, that was the effect it had. But once it was over, I went back to my old ways, with predictable results.
Posted by: jt | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 12:32 PM
I would be happy to let you use my Zoom account (I guess I would be the moderator) for a reasonable startup period to see if something like this can get off the ground.
Posted by: David Brown | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 12:36 PM
Dining Out-

Posted by: Herman Krieger | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 12:37 PM
I'd be happy to join a zoom support group for middle aged unmotivated people : ) . I could even host it on our personal zoom account, if you want.
A friend of mine recently recommended an older self-help book from 2013. It has a weird name, The Willpower Instinct, but it's nicely written, with lots of useful suggestions. The first chapter immediately helped me focus in ways that I usually don't.
Posted by: John Krumm | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 02:07 PM
So how is the dog?
[I wish I knew. I have taken him to the vet three times and they can't figure out what's wrong. His drinking and bathroom habits changed abruptly and he's losing weight, all of which is concerning. It's possible it's nothing, possible it's fatal cancer, possible it's anything in between. He's only 10 and I am hoping to have him for years more. And thanks for asking. I'm more worried about him than I am about myself. --Mike]
Posted by: fotorr | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 02:14 PM
This is very interesting and I will join in if I can. I enjoyed your recommended books on ‘How not to Diet’ and ‘How not to Die’. – Probably added years to my life! Zoom type meetings are not ideal for me due to living arrangements, but yes, I still somewhat struggle with diet, too much alcohol, not enough exercise, eating out, etc. I’m not at incapacitating levels with any of this, but knowing about others might help.
Posted by: Peter Wright | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 02:21 PM
When I turned 65, I became eligible for a Silver Sneakers membership at the gym down the street. I was never into the gym, hated it. My wife on the other hand is a true jock.
I try to get there 3-4 times a week. Mostly I get on the treadmill with a goal now of burning 300 calories per session. It's taken a year to get to the point where I actually like it.
My subscription to Audible has helped, as I listen to books while treading. So now I associate the gym with reading. And there's nothing like a good book to get me going.
It's damn hard to eat healthy. It's a bit easier in the winter, as the season lends itself to soups and stews. I try to make a big pot of something every week that will carry over for three days. It's a drag figuring out what and how to make dishes that are reasonably healthy and tasty. It's just a matter of patience, experimenting and surfing the web for new ideas and ideas.
I takes patience to alter lifestyles we've been accustomed to for decades. It's taken me a year to really get to this level of commitment.
At the outset, I realized I'd take steps incrementally. It's just too overwhelming and impossible to immediately change habits.
Be easy on yourself, good luck.
Posted by: Bob Rosinsky | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 02:48 PM
I live alone most of the time. The kids are grown and out of the house, and while they each live within a 30-minute drive, and we talk and text every day, it's not like we get to see each other every day. Or even every week.
So I'll go out for dinner 2 or 3 times a week. Often to the same place. The food is decent enough. But I go there for the social interactions.
The bartenders and waitresses are friendly and sociable, more so with me than would be required just because they're getting paid. I think it's because I'm truly interested in their lives and dreams. The nursing student, the second-grade teacher-in-training, the soon-to-be special-ed teacher, the finance professional who keeps her bartending job on weekends because she likes her regular customers. I ask questions and remember things from one visit to the next.
At Christmastime I gave out personalized handwritten cards, each with a crisp 20, to ten of the regular staff. They were all most appreciative!
There are also regular customers with whom I speak. Mike and Scott and Christina and Matt and all the others. Like the old television series "Cheers," "where everybody knows your name," places like these feed far more than just the body.
Posted by: Gary Merken | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 02:52 PM
I just want to say I’ve cracked a rib twice in my life and I can sadly confirm they take ages to heal. They’re really bloody annoying, because you’ll think everything is finally fine and then you’ll go to get out of bed and realise that nope, everything is very much not fine.
One thing that might be worth considering when your rib is feeling better is taking up something along the lines of yoga or even tai chi. Not only is it a good social activity, but it’s a surprisingly good way of improving your overall fitness. I used to do judo (that’s how I got the bloody cracked rib!), and man, I miss it. I’m hoping to find another club when I move towns later in the year.
Posted by: Tony Gale | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 03:04 PM
Maybe you should start a second blog. Like Camera Conspiracies on YouTube, he has another channel called Vegetable Police where he talks about diet and health, etc.
Also, why do americans say/write 'fix' when the mean 'prepare', or cook', or 'make' in relation to food?
Posted by: Peter Williams | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 03:06 PM
I played SuperBetter for a while with some colleagues and found it helpful and quite fun too. https://superbetter.com/ Something like that might be worth a look.
Posted by: Andrew B | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 03:24 PM
Hi Mike,
Sorry to hear; I've broken bones before from light-headed inattention as the proximal cause.
I'd consider moving to a larger town or city to assure a more robust and sustainably supply of inherently pleasurable venues of at least passive socialization. For example: libraries, public talks, art galleries, theaters screening classic movies or plays, parks with people, lake-sides/ocean-sides with people. Gentle hiking trails with people. Churches, even if you're not particularly religious. Universities, with their particular lightness of young minds.
You get the idea. Not perfect, but much more likely over time to interact or at least jointly immerse in something pleasurable. Much less likely to find oneself entirely without interaction as inner circles -- which are valuable but can be fragile -- come and go.
No shortage of culturally rich cities in this country, or another. Chicago. Minneapolis. Bay Area. LA. NYC. DC. Many smaller towns are sufficiently rich, too. There are also extended winter/summer stays possible in lots of countries for 3-6 months at a time without much ado, if that gets one moving. As a corollary, one might also need to learn to live in a smaller physical space for this approach to be financially sustainable. Change may generally come from really wanting to do it.
Anyway. If there seems to anything workable for you in that core idea, please give it some thought.
My best wishes for the recovery!
Posted by: DB | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 03:42 PM
Yes, I'd be interested. I have lost weight before (no diet, just trying to eat sensibly) and I've gained it back (too much snacking I think). So this year I need to lost about 20 lbs and keep it off.
A Facebook group would be good, or Discord. If you want to do a Teams or Zoom chat I will try and join, but I'm in the UK, so it will be time dependent.
Great idea though.
Posted by: Malcolm Myers | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 04:02 PM
Mike
So sorry to hear of your injury. I hope you will recover sooner than expected. Your doc is right about the social support group. You are already half way there with your 12-step regulars but something beyond that would be nice.
Just wondering of you have a MeetUp thingy in your part of the woods. There are loads of various MeetUp activities set up by people with various interests. You sign up online and turn up when the action starts. I am enjoying meeting new people in 1. A Writer's MeetUp, and 2. A food and social MeetUp.
Just suggesting only.
Dan K
Singapore
Posted by: Dan Khong | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 04:14 PM
I hope both you and Butters are on the mend, Mike.
I'm assuming that there aren't enough like-minded (like-gutted?) people around you to make up a dinner club to cook for each other. This is a tough one, given your location and that I've been a city dweller most of my life. Therefore, my first, somewhat crazy, suggestion is to move to a city, where you're likely to find more socializing and healthy eating options. Or maybe a large college town.
I'm sure you've tried the more obvious and modest ideas, like finding healthier places to eat out, or at least to mix it up. I assume you eat and order healthy while out (sauces and dressings on the side, no fried foods, etc.). Any possibility of finding another way to get your social fix? So that at least your diet can be uncoupled from that need? (Though that leaves you with the having-to-cook problem). Finally, if there are cooking classes in your area, it may not cost much more than eating out, and it'll force you to cook, but in a social setting, and may energize your home cooking as well.
I look forward to better ideas in the comments, and I'll give this more thought. It sounds serious.
Posted by: robert e | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 04:24 PM
Sorry to hear about your broken rib. Damned painful I know. I hope Butters is OK. Sorry, I can't he.p with the online support group, but it is a great idea.
Posted by: Bob Johnston | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 04:25 PM
How is Butters? It sounds like you need to find or create a home-hosted dinner group that follows your dietary requirements. Maybe not too strictly, allow leeway to try something new. If you don't like to cook, you should learn - it's not only how to control what you eat, but can be therapeutic. Somewhere out there is a book on 'Zen and the Art of Home Cooking', if not then there's a book to write. I live in the countryside, 20-25 minutes away from the closest grocery. It is necessary to plan meals, shop for ingredients, find the best values, taking the time and making the effort to eat well (and healthy!). Fairly analogous to printmaking in the darkroom or now, on the computer. Find some cookbooks that reflect your dietary wishes and get some good quality cooking pans and utensils - like anything else they are worth it. You will have time to learn while those ribs heal, then invite some people over and get social!
Posted by: Rick in CO | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 04:30 PM
Sorry about the broken ribs. I broke three 5 years ago when bringing down Christmas decorations from the attic. All I can say is that it will get better (assuming the broken ribs didn't puncture anything), and the only way I could sleep was in a lounger (think LazyBoy). That got me through the first couple of weeks. While the support group sounds like it could have great benefits, my health issues are not weight management and can only be dealt with through physician monitoring. But I wish you great success in putting this together.
Posted by: j D Ramsey | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 06:13 PM
Hi Mike,
I empathize-- I cracked a rib sneezing (the only thing I have in common with Sammy Sosa) some years ago. It takes a couple weeks for the pain to subside then another four or so for the bone to mend.
I suspect I will be getting a similar lecture from my doctor in just a few days. I did great maintaining a "lifestyle change" during the pandemic but have regressed to my old ways in the subsequent years. I too have a love of that which I do not cook...
Should you set up a group, please keep me in mind.
Warmly,
Stew
Posted by: Stew Epstein | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 06:18 PM
What about Butters?
Posted by: Jim Freeman | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 08:54 PM
Everything changed the moment I started considering the kitchen the same way as my darkroom.
Posted by: Sergio Bartelsman | Thursday, 23 January 2025 at 09:17 PM
Mike, I had no idea Butters wasn't well. I've only just found a way to get my cat to eat (same food, different room) and it has been most distressing seeing his untouched food bowl, day after day. But at least I know the underlying cause now, after a visit to the vet.
Best wishes to you and Butters, and I hope you find what's wrong soon.
Posted by: Roger Bradbury | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 04:09 AM
Hi Mike, hope both Butters and yourself recover.
My mum is retired and in her 80s. 3 main aspects; being physically healthy (diet and exercise), socially engaged and mentally engaged.
Means she goes to University of the Third Age (U3A - and then the class goes for lunch afterwards), bridge club, mahjong, and whatever else she can do to get out of the house, using her brain and talking to people.
Ever thought of taking up teaching - not necessarily at college or university?
In Australia there are Men’s Sheds, Walk It Off and other groups to encourage men to be socially engaged. Or even just bushwalking clubs, as suggested above.
Personally I’d suggest face-to-face over digital, but then I don’t know what is available in your area - or lack thereof.
Posted by: Not THAT Ross Cameron | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 04:49 AM
I’d start with the morning coffee routine at some LOCAL spot a short distance from the house. 1., inexpensive. 2., eventually you will find folks there for exactly the same reason you are there. 3. Doesn’t mean you have to have to have a group coffee, doesen’t mean you won’t. Bring an iPad or book in your carry bag. Gives you quality time with options. Read/listen to a couple favorite music/podcasts/blogs per day. Get some ideas for posts (meals?), work on posts (grocery list) in a different environment. Talk to the employees, say hello to fellow regulars (as you become one). Let the ‘friendships’ percolate. Puts a whole new focus on your start to the day (and the hours thereafter). Worked for me over the last 70+ years in each of the 8 times I’ve moved. YMMV! Wishing you the Best!
Posted by: Dave B | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 05:08 AM
Support group?
32 comments immediately.
Et voila!
Now keep us updated.
The best to you and Butters.
Posted by: Luke | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 07:20 AM
Support Groups are not effective for me and I haven't done a zoom call with anyone since 2020. The most effective practice I've found is to find a daily training partner(s). Someone who is in just a bit better shape than me to make sure I have some aspirational thoughts in the game. An hour a day walking, even if it's on adjoining treadmills at the gym, is essential. It's the minimum requirement. Having someone to chat with is the critical part. No screen solution will ever replace the direct human contact. You don't have to go fast or hard you just have to show up. Everyday. And having someone who depends on you being there and vice versa is the glue that makes it all work. Mutual support.
In my daily masters swim practice I usually swim with the same two people in my lane at the pool. If I miss practice I'd better have a good excuse because they'll both text to, a: find out if I'm okay. and, b: to chide me for being lazy, etc. But always in a nice way. A way that makes me not want to disappoint them. It's that human bond that's the critical part of sticking with any program. Every morning at 8, six days a week, there are 20-30 people all moving with the same purpose. To try to live as well as possible for as long as possible. And to have fun doing it.
One of my swim buddies recommended this book to me a while back. It's great:
https://amzn.to/3Cq4iNs
The other thing I think is vital and has been mentioned by a number of commenters is the idea of getting together with people over coffee NOT MEALS. I try to make appointments to have coffee with three different people over the course of the week. Sometimes I over achieve and end up with six or seven coffee "dates" spread over the seven days. If you drink tea it's even cheaper. You don't need to have a bunch of people in attendance at a time. One good person right in front of you can be perfect.
I am turning 70 this year. I have no health issues whatsoever. My secret is not some complicated diet or special exercise regimen. Rather, it's the tight social connection with people I like and the support of my life long partner. That's the only "secret." Off to enjoy a cheeseburger with my photographer friend, Andy. Good luck with everything.
One more suggestion: Adding another blog would be net negative. One is enough work already....
Posted by: Kirk | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 11:06 AM
Just recently I came across this adage, "If you want to feel good about yourself, work out". Six months ago I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer for three months to get me exercising correctly I most heartedly endorse the adage because every time I exercise I feel good about myself. I am 75 and lift weights doing squats, deadlifts, pushups, and machine exercises for my arms. I try to get to the gym at least twice a week. The folks all know me and although I have not made any new friends, I do enjoy that the employees care about me and are always available to offer advice or just chat about whatever. It takes a few weeks to feel comfortable in the gym environment until you realize that everyone is there for the same reason, to get healthy and feel good about themselves.
Posted by: Rob Spring | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 11:21 AM
It made me sad to think of you lying out in the snow injured. That it happened trying to rescue your beloved butters made it all the sadder
What lessons from your many years in a 12-step program do you think might help in addressing some of your struggles with diet and exercise? I imagine you’ve encountered people rationalizing their drinking as a way to stay social, even if they know those relationships—like chats with bartenders—are ultimately transactional. What parallels might there be between the thoughts that keep a person drinking and the ones that keep someone from maintaining a healthy weight and level of activity?
It’s not easy addressing your concerns if your environment is hostile to change. Expecting willpower to put its thumb on the scale is unrealistic and unfair to you. Especially when faced with choosing cooking and eating meals alone over a varied menu of tasty, if unhealthy, food in a friendly, bustling restaurant.
Making dishes and maybe eating them over Zoom and discussing them might work. A different person could make a menu and be the host of the week.
A speedy recovery to you and Butters
Sean
Posted by: Sean | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 11:36 AM
Hey Mike,
Sorry to hear about Butters. I'm happy to live in an area where exercise opportunities abound. I did Pilates at 5:30 am and 7:30 am. I've got a pickleball date at 1:30 pm (and yeah, I'm gonna work inbetween). Moving is important, and you should strive to do some of that daily, even if it's just walking for 20 minutes.
The food thing is important too. You got me involved in WFPB living. I'm not nearly as clean as I was, but I'm mainly good, cook most of my meals for myself (I like to cook), bake bread weekly, etc. I've maintained my 40 lb weight loss from the old days--might like to drop another 10 lbs, but I'm not stressing about it. I get the attraction of having a spot to go to where people know you and you can chat--my pilates studio is one, my trader joes in a second, and a local irish bar is a third (I might eat there once a month tops).
I'd be happy to join a zoom club to try to help with the motivation. I also think that robert e's suggestion is not a bad one--moving into an area with more community. When we first met--I was doing the rural thing in Kenosha county. That was awesome, but I've really been enjoying living in Downers Grove, and I'm looking forward to moving to Evanston in a few months. Community has been really important for me--it's surprised me a bit, actually...
Stay well!
Posted by: Jim Kofron | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 11:48 AM
Works for me, maybe for you ...
1. iPhone
2. Earbuds/Earphones/Headphone
3. Podcasts/Audio Books from Library
4. Stationary bike or Outdoor walk
I started this decades ago when I could still run on an inside track. Now I walk or bike daily for 45 minutes to an hour. Often longer with a good book or very interesting podcast. More like taking a nice walk than a workout.
Posted by: Speed | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 12:33 PM
Exercise is similar to what you wrote recently about idea and photography. It's a matter of finding an exercise that you enjoy doing. It has to give you energy. No matter how highly recommended it is, how ideal it may sound, and how serious you are about making it a routine, if you don't find any joy in doing it, you are very likely to give up soon.
For me that exercise is cycling. Like most ideas for photography that I enjoyed and stuck with for a long time, cycling seemed to come about randomly and I realized that it's something I really like doing. I don't even think of it as exercise. I just do it several times a week without thinking about it as a thing that I should or have to do. And as a bonus I combine it with photography.
Posted by: Keith S | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 12:48 PM
Hello, Mike and Butters:
No lectures, just some experiences acquired living for several decades in a rural area about 150 mountain-highway miles out from Anchorage, Alaska, the nearest city of any consequence, after moving here from Boston/Cambridge MA and DC areas.
No question, dogs really soften living in more isolated situations. My spouse and I have had many large dogs over the years, nearly all of them highly interactive German Shepherds. Aside from their intrinsic companionship, they've facilitated many positive interactions with others just out walking or at community events.
Ten years old seems to be an inflection point where nearly every large dog, no matter how active and energetic, seems to start slowing down at a minimum. At that point, we would acquire a second GSD, usually a rescue dog, to start learning good manners from the other dog while it was still active.
The medical research is pretty clear that humans need positive in-person social interaction to thrive and stay healthy, not to mention happy. Spending the day on a computer screen, as is the norm anymore for most of us, isn't optimal as per recent medical research. We somehow need to get out and actually be with people.
Like you, I would make going out for lunch a major social interaction of the day, and that helped. However, my three favorite places have closed over the past year as the owners separated or retired. That's been a problem and we're still trying to find good substitutes, although something always seems to come along in time.
One of the best ways I've found to maintain positive social interaction has been to be active in a forward-looking Rotary club that is heavily involved in doing community service projects without excessive earnestness or a leaden approach. Rotary helps me to look beyond my own internal concerns and become more involved with my community and the world while doing something with a broader purpose while having some fun.
More purposeful group exercise, such as learning at a karate or other martial arts dojo, has worked a lot better for me than solitary grinding out on an exercise machine. Some of us still get together to exercise a bit while continuing to learn together and that's helped.
I've also found it useful being cheerful and chatty, when appropriate, with people like bank clerks helps. That's certainly easier in rural areas and makes everyone's day better.
FWIW, as I age and no longer work in-person with several people, my age and interest cohorts seemingly shrink. Good in-person social interaction takes more intentional effort rather than just naturally occurring as it did previously.
Best to you and to Butters.
Posted by: Joseph Kashi | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 01:28 PM
I personally am not keen on virtual groups or classes. For exercise and workouts, going to a gym of some sort works for me. There are people there, even if you don't interact with any. Seeing people is good for mental health. A Wilson ball on an island can go only so far.
As for cooking, maybe getting into the mindset that involved Dektol, multi-grade papers, test strips, et al, could help bridge the gap into the similar activity of cooking. I found that "Think Like a Chef" by Tom Collichio changed my cooking from careful follower of recipes to daring experimenter. Five to ten bucks on used book sites.
Posted by: MikeR | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 01:39 PM
I'll echo what others have said: they gym.
Getting a personal trainer can be a good way to get started. Finding a friend to workout with can be good too, we're more likely to get to the gym so we don't let our friend down. Also, taking classes at a gym is a good way to meet people. Spin classes, boot camps, pilates, yoga, stretching. Any class can be good and provides variety.
The coffee house idea is good too.
And walking, finding a walking partner.
Posted by: SteveW | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 02:00 PM
I don’t have any interest in a support group but I thought I’d share my approach to exercise. All of my health and fitness initiatives have begun with an injury and admonishment from my doctor on my state of fitness. Each time I’ve responded by following my doctors common sense orders and then finding a way to incorporate exercise into my daily routine. The idea is to get to the point where I’m exercising without thinking about it.
After turning 40 I was in a car wreck and had whiplash. My physical therapist gave me exercises to do at home for a month. I did them for 6 months and then began walking every day after work to compensate for sitting behind a desk all day. Gradually as my weight came down I began to run for short stints until finally I was running a mile and walking a mile. It was easy to do because the walking trail I used was on the way home from work.
I’m now retired and recently hurt my back again. I began doing stretching/yoga type exercises each morning (first thing) and then icing my back. Eventually I didn’t need the ice but continued the stretching/yoga and have recently added some 5 pound dumbbells to my routine. This process just takes a few minutes. I’m not trying to get buff, I just want to be loose and limber before heading out for my morning walk in the park. After my walk I’m always looking for little ways to add a bit of additional exercise to my day. I started by throwing baseballs to relive my little league pitching career. Next I switched to basketball and began shooting hoops for 15 or 20 minutes. Lately I stop at a concrete picnic table on my walking route and do pushup against the table top. Once my reps get high enough I’ll switch from the table top to the bench seat and eventually I’ll be doing regular pushups down in the dirt. These things just take a few minutes and I now do them out of habit. These little efforts pay off each morning when I swing my legs over the side of the bed and don’t feel old and creaky.
Posted by: Jim Arthur | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 02:29 PM
Sorry to hear about your fall and about Butters, I hope you are both on the mend soon. I can give you about 10yrs I think and have experience falling flat out on my face when not paying attention to my feet (looking through viewfinder while walking along), luckily it was Covid time and the mask came in handy saving my face, camera was not so lucky. I recently discovered that I have heart issues and need to improve my eating and lifestyle. Live over the pond in Southern Spain so maybe culturally a lot different from where you are, I don't use Facebook or Zoom but I have started to use Bluesky. I have been cutting out most alcohol, but I don't drink much anyway (I gather you don't). I am cutting out butter and changing the cheese that I eat (I love cheese) to reduce cholesterol. I don't eat much red meat, a fair bit of fish and recently a lot more pulses and grains (Hummus, beans, lentils etc.) if interested in exchanging views you can get me on my email. I need to get encouragement to take more excersise, so maybe that's something we could work on, I'm up to about 7500 steps a day average, have broken through the 10000 barrier a few times but it seems to take most half a day of walking to get there (maybe it's my age, I don't move as fast as I used to). Anyway all the best in your quest and fast recovery.
Posted by: George Bishop | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 02:57 PM
Best wishes to you and Butters,I hope you have a speedy recovery.
Posted by: Gary Nylander | Friday, 24 January 2025 at 10:56 PM
I (as ever) agree wholly with Kirk (I am 10 years younger and adept at MTB instead of swimming, which is sub-optimal, but you can't have everything).
I think that one of the things that saves me from bad eating habits (and a lot of Mediterranean people) is that, for me, the social part of eating is way more important than the food. One of the things you can do, if you have 2-3 people willing, is to organize dinner/lunch at each home (rotating). You will have two or three nice meals per week and the "push" to cook in the middle to learn and surprise your friend next time...
I hope you get well; rib injuries are painful... I hope Butter's healing, too.
Posted by: Romano G. | Saturday, 25 January 2025 at 04:53 AM
I wish you a speedy recovery. I once had a similar experience while riding my motorcycle on a dirt path. The front tire slipped out, and I fell hard onto a projecting berm. At first, I brushed myself off and kept going, but the pain gradually worsened. Eventually, it became unbearable, so we turned around and headed back to camp. I spent the rest of the weekend in a reclining lawn chair. Later, I found out I had three broken ribs. My takeaway is that the pain is sharp and forces you to rest, and initially, it gets worse before it gets better.
I should let you know that you and (shout out) Kirk's blogs have positively influenced my health. Your posts on the WFBP diet inspired me to experiment in February 2021. After three weeks on this diet, I had a lipid blood profile taken, and it was the first time my LDL and triglycerides were in the recommended range. That was inspiring. Since then, I’ve had mostly excellent lipid checkup results. To eat less meat, the single best tip I've gotten from you is Health Valley Organic Vegetable Soup https://www.amazon.com/Health-Valley-Organic-Added-Vegetable/dp/B001BM3H8I. I rely on it as a convenient meal and to avoid eating out. Adding chopped broccoli florets and caramelized onions makes it much more palatable for me.
Here's my tip for you: consider doing a weekly water fast (with a pinch of salt) from 6:00 pm on Friday to 6:00 am on Sunday. Since June 2022, I've been doing a weekly 30-36 hour water fast along with a 7-mile jog on Saturday morning. It gives my body some recovery time at the cellular level for autophagy to kick in and helps make up for eating out earlier in the week. Plus, during the fasting period, the decision on what to eat is easy—nothing!
Posted by: jp41 | Saturday, 25 January 2025 at 05:46 PM
Mike, your dog "his drinking and bathroom habits have changed a lot" and he has lost weight == strong suggestion of diabetes, especially if drinking and peeing have increased. Has that been ruled out.
[Yes, thanks Don. The first thing we did was a blood test, and his sugars are fine. Thanks though!
He seems to be feeling better, after his week of medications for Giardia. --Mike]
Posted by: Don Spady | Sunday, 26 January 2025 at 09:49 AM
Something I've found handy to keep on track, or at least to track progress is a day planner. For the last decade or so, I've been using a Hobonichi Techo, which is a page a day style.
This year, I've been wanting to be more active, so it's been spending (or trying to) time on the exercise bicycle. That gets written down, along with how long. I find it helps keep me motivated (wanting to make my little entry) and on track (I can see if I missed a day, or more).
Of course, I use it for other things as well. As a long time audiophile, I make a point of listening to a full album a day, and I track that just for fun. I think the act of writing down your daily accomplishments, no matter how trivial they might seem at times, helps stave off the feeling that the day or week have just slipped by.
Posted by: Paul Van | Monday, 27 January 2025 at 05:18 AM
"Otto" is my pilot: As much as possible, I like for the right things to happen by default.
If I treated exercise as it's own activity, I'd be lucky if I stayed with any program for a month. Instead, I've situated myself in a very walkable area, and I've found reasons to take advantage of it for all but a few days out of the year.
Where to go when groceries and other errands have been taken care of? I like libraries and thrift stores, because they're free, and there's no pressure to buy anything. And for titles not available via my extended library system, there are book shops.
Although I don't love cooking, I sure love to eat! But often what I crave isn't on neighborhood restaurant menus, so off I go to find recipes and instructional videos: BTW, home-made masala chai is easy and tasty. And it's amazing what one can do with a package of Indomie Mi Goreng instant noodles. Unlike dining at a restaurant, I can be mindful of what goes into my food, and I don't feel as compelled to eat everything in one sitting.
Posted by: Jeff in Colorado | Monday, 27 January 2025 at 11:21 PM
One more crazy idea regarding eating in more and socializing: host a healthy food pot luck once a week, perhaps in combination with a photo critique, art appreciation or book club if you need an ulterior excuse to invite people over.
Posted by: robert e | Wednesday, 29 January 2025 at 02:14 PM