Open Mike: The Era of Cluster B

Plans: I heard a great thing the other night. It came out of conference-approved literature for Al-Anon. The quote is, "It's OK to plan, but you can't plan the outcome." That hit home for me. My tendency is to envision what the result needs to be in order to align with my desires...I plan outcomes. And repeatedly get stymied, frustrated, or disappointed because of it, because that's not the way the world works. You can plan, but you still have to be alive to the possibility of unexpected outcomes. Things happen the way they happen. The world is unruly. Fate is unruly. You can believe you can know the way things are going to unfold, but no one can actually know the future or the course of events. In fact, I think I need to look into the ancient Greek concept of fate a little more than I have.

Red-assed: In a 12-step program you work on yourself. You do it to make yourself better-adjusted and happier. I'm fortunate in that I was driven into a 12-step program by absolute necessity; by age 33 I was a hopeless substance addict and had nowhere else to turn. Lucky thing, as it turned out. My first day as an ex-drug and alcohol user was Sept. 10th, 1990—coming up on my 34th anniversary clean and sober. And still getting a lot out of my 12-step program. More and more all the time, actually.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about a particular character defect of mine: rebellion. You might call it stubbornness, or pigheadedness. A friend calls another friend "red-assed"—an old expression meaning (in my view, anyway—published definitions vary) to be like like a child who has to be spanked repeatedly because he won't learn his lesson. He stubbornly persists in his bad behavior. "Stubbornly persisting in bad behavior" certainly characterizes long stretches in the lives of alcoholics, among other things.

Or, it can mean being gritty and grimly determined: Casey Pycior, in a baseball article called "On Being Red Assed," writes:

Red Assers[:]

• Never draw undue attention to themselves, i.e., they let their play do the talking;
• Run out every ball out as if it is their last;
• Go hard into second base on every double play;
• Refrain from outward displays of emotion, like smiling (Red Assers often look like angry, miserable bastards while playing);
• Are, unquestionably, indisputably, tough (if you want to get them off the field, you better bring a stretcher).

Ty Cobb was red-assed, by that definition. A very unappealing personality, as baseball fans know.

Anyway, you know what "rebellion" means. I've rebelled all my life. In fact, once I got the hang of looking at my failures, troubles, and resentments from the perspective of my part in it, it begins to appear that everything bad that has happened in my adult life was partly or largely my own fault. You might think that's pessimistic, but not really, because it allows for the possibility of a better course going forward.

Cluster B: I heard something about narcissists the other day (go to this link and scroll down to Cluster B personality disorders > Narcissistic personality disorders. This is the best page I've found about personality disorders, the mental sicknesses that are the most persistently mysterious to the common citizen. It took the rest of my family literally years to come around to understanding that my father was a narcissist/borderline. It seems plain to us now, but it was unfathomable for a long, long time. (Looking at the rest of my family of origin apart from my father, I'm the only one who doesn't or didn't have an advanced degree in either medicine or psychology. We all needed to figure it out.)

In fact you might as well read the bullet points for all of the Cluster B disorders—we're in an era of Cluster B right now, at least in the U.S. Anyway, what I heard was, narcissists never say "I'm sorry," and they'll never just thank someone. That is, they never thank anyone casually, for something small and personal. They might "thank" people, but only when they're being grandiose, as in, say, thanking the Academy for an Oscar, or thanking a crowd for an ovation: thank you for acknowledging how great I am / how right I was / how wonderful my accomplishment is. They'll never thank another person privately for being considerate, or doing something nice, or for being good, or just for being their nice selves. Ever since I heard this I've been trying to look for opportunities to promptly admit it when I am wrong, or to thank someone for some small kindness—to watch for and appreciate when others demonstrate patience, kindliness, tolerance, and love.

Just: I'm trying to excise the word "just," meaning merely or only, from my writing. I think it's become a tic. A tic is a mannerism or a bad habit. "I think" isn't far behind—I write that all the time as an attempt to qualify statements, as if to say, humbly, this is only my opinion. "I think it's become a tic" rather than "It's become a tic."

Bag the game: I've had a great week and a half. I've been neglecting my writing (as you might have noticed! Nothing new here yesterday), but I've done a lot of photographing. I wish I could describe the feeling this gives me, but I feel sure that words are going to fail me. I just really love the process of going hunting with the camera. I get on the trail of whatever might fit the angle of view of the lens and the look of the sensor, and here's the miraculous thing: sometimes you bag the game. You never know when the next good picture is going to show up, but they always do. The way I feel about it can be inadequately described in one word: gratitude. I love looking, I love the look of the world, and I love that strange transmogrifying alchemy of extracting a picture out of the world. It's...exciting, somehow. It gratifies me on a superficial level but also at a much deeper level. It's the result of something I'm doing, but also of something outside of me.

I don't get to photograph all that much, but when I take some time to do it, I remember all over again why I like it so much.

Today I've got plans—a friend and I are going to a photography exhibit and making a day of it. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Hope you get a chance to go hunting soon!

Mike

Original contents copyright 2024 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. (To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below or on the title of this post.)

Featured Comments from:

rob l: "This is likely deeply presumptuous, but—you seem happier. There's an undercurrent of joy in your writing when things are clicking for you, photographically, so don't apologize for writing a bit less when you are engaging with the very thing we all come here for. You've built a community of commentators that's unique; if you stop caring, they fall off. The web was meant to be a place where friends can meet and share ideas, and this site is one of the great bastions of that ideal. Go shoot! And thank you."

Ned Bunnell: "Mike, Really glad to hear you’re out photographing more these days. And although you’re not using film, I thought you’d enjoy this article The Japan Times published earlier this month about the current film scene in Japan."

Howard Sandler: "Old Yiddish expression: 'Der Mensch Tracht, Un Gott Lach' (Man plans, and God laughs)."

Stan B.: "Yes, when I think of all the things that have given me such pleasure in life, and have waned throughout the subsequent years (e.g. sports, music, etc.), photography is the one that still holds much of its initial magic, wonder and reward. I don't get to enjoy photo galleries or even photobooks as much as before, although I still find joy in it when I can—most of all, I'm finally enjoying making photographs on a more consistent basis. And I'm grateful for (all of) it...."

David Miller: "Regarding 'just,' I couldn't agree more. It denigrates the point you are making. If the point is so insignificant, why are you wasting your time and mine with it? On the other hand, I find 'I think' is often very useful, requesting that my audience take it as an opinion worth considering, but not as a bold statement of unarguable fact. Humility, which is not the same as a lack of self-confidence, can be very valuable."

Mike replies: Well said. I think (!) you just (!!) evaluate each instance of any "tic" on a case-by-case basis. If you know your tics, you watch out for them, and get rid of them when they're extraneous, but keep them if they're doing real work in the sentence. In natural writing and speaking we use "just" all the time, but that doesn't excuse peppering the page with it where it's not needed.

I agree with you that "I think" often does do useful work. Ironically, it often signifies that you're reacting to something in the moment—that is, saying something that just occurred to you. In other words, what it often means is, "I haven't really thought this through, but here's a thought...."

Comments

[Kent Wiley]

"Just" is one of those mealy mouthed words that we use to soften our language and disguise our intentions. How many plaudits begin "I just wanted to say..."? I've been trying to remove it from my vocabulary for several years. You also mention "I think...". Other "tics" in my writing: "It seems..." and "It feels like...". We're advised to use the active tense, and none of these perform that function. Others will disagree that this is too much like the grammar police. I'm on a crusade, nonetheless.

[Aaron]

Years ago I noticed how often people use "just" and it continues to just drive me nuts.

My father and brother are avid fisherman. I remind myself that photography is like fishing. Lots of casts. On a good day a several hits. Sometimes you get to reel one in. Every once in awhile it's a keeper. Like photography, better technique and more knowledge can increase the keeper rate. But there will always be more casts than keepers. I find this helps keep me motivated to photograph. A cast with no fish is not a failure. It's just (see what I did there?) part of the process. A day of photographing without a keeper isn't a failure either. It's still a day of lots of creative casts which is pleasure in itself.

[Keith]

"Just" is indeed one of those words. It's ok in the sense of "She is a just person" but not "It's just a little out of your way."

My pet peeve is "simply". When editing user manuals and technical documents, one of the first things I'd do is search for that word and delete it.

[John Krumm]

Great post. I try to bat away my more narcissist tendencies every so often. Thanking people helps. Complementing people, especially people I might envy, helps. And I try to remind myself, when I'm getting moralistic, that I might very well be wrong, and saying something different next week.

It sounds like, by photographing more, you are also doing this: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/19/well/mind/happiness-emotions-reward-sensitivity.html?unlocked_article_code=1.E04.GsC8.V6Q0yzchcI2T&smid=url-share

[richardp_london]

I have for years reminded my work colleagues that the J-word ("just") has got four letters, and called attention to its perniciousness. "Please 'just' do X task" minimises X task in the world of wish, while leaving its difficulty and duration intact in the world of do.

"Just quickly", by contrast, is AFAICT an invitation to deliver the most cursory possible pretence at actually carrying out task X.

[Albert Smith]

"You can plan, but you still have to be alive to the possibility of unexpected outcomes..."

From the boxing world: "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the nose."

[Kye Wood]

Nice article. Good to see your mojo back in action.

You never seem to mention forgiveness in your writing. Is it not part of the 12 steps? It should be.

[David Dyer-Bennet]

Yes, it's good when things are your fault (if they really are), because your behavior is the thing you have the most control of in the entire universe. So, if it's really your fault, you can make it better.

Similarly, it's better if the bug is in my code rather than some external function I'm calling, because I can fix my code faster than I can get the outside world to fix things.

[Chris Nicholls]

Plans. As life reminded me a few days ago: "How do you make God laugh?
Tell her your plans."

[darlene]

Unhappiness doesn't last long when faced with a thankful heart.

[Kirk]

"Just" is a perfectly good word. You JUST have to use it correctly.

[John Sullivan]

"We have ceased fighting anything and anyone" P84 Big Book
When I can remember this my life is happier. Glad it included inanimate objects. Ive broken some things fighting to get them to do what I want.

[Bear.]

Only worry/stress/fret/etc. about what is within your control at any given time. Do what you can to control whatever it is at that time. Then abide by whatever happens knowing that you did all you could.

[Arg]

"A plan is a detailed description of a future that definitely won't happen." - source unknown, but I use it often, partly because it is witty.

"I think it's just a tic." - might as well roll all the excisees into one.

I think of photography as being like fishing. Putting camera in hand is casting the line: you won't get anything without doing this. You have no idea if there is anything out there at all, but you are full of hope that there might be. There may be many that you will miss, but the ones you do get make it worthwhile. And getting it out if the water is like getting it out of the camera: only now do you really get to appreciate it in all its glory.

cheers

[Bob G.]

This reminds me of working with the company staff photographer where I was trying for a particular effect and needed more gels or gobos along with other mind-racing thoughts. I usually said “could we just try this?” Or “just maybe that…” He laughed it off after a while, saying “ ‘Just’ is not a preferred photographic technique”….