The Secret of Happiness?

Idle thought this morning: maybe the secret to happiness, or at least to a good attitude through the day, is to enjoy the things we have to do anyway.

Have to brush your teeth? Enjoy it. Have to go somewhere to do an errand? Try to enjoy the drive. Have to cut the grass? Might as well enjoy it. Do you have the knack?

There must be a corollary, too. Stop concentrating on what I can't do. Don't regret the past—I can't change it. Stop wishing I were wealthy—I'm wealthier than a whole lot of people. Stop wanting to do all the things I once thought were attainable aspirations—no one can do everything.

I used to go through the day grumpy and resentful about chores. But some people I know enjoy keeping their kitchens neat. Some people enjoy cooking (how, I have no idea, but I'll work on it.) I learned to enjoy laundry, even, after our discussion of washers a while ago, when I learned, thanks to a reader, that it's a way sociologists measure privilege in the world! So now I do laundry and feel lucky. (Weird, I know.) And there are some things I enjoy mainly because I did them as a kid and remember fondly the feeling of accomplishment I felt when I finished—from yardwork to cutting green beans, which for some reason was always my task in the household.

Anyway, I'm learning to enjoy more and more of the things I have to do anyway. To bring this back onto topic, maybe in middle age and onward, a simple calculation of enjoyment is the best way to measure whatever we're doing in photography. Enjoy it? Do it more. Don't enjoy it? Stop. Or do less of it. Maybe we should evaluate the various things we do and rank them according to how much we simply enjoy them. Shopping? Going on hikes with the camera? Printing? Forum discussions? Photoshop editing? Learning? Organizing? Shooting? Interacting with people? Making money? Whatever we enjoy the most, do that. And whatever we have to do along the way, learn to enjoy that, too.

You think?

Mike

Original contents copyright 2023 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. (To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below or on the title of this post.)

Featured Comments from:

MikeR: "Yes!"

James Pilcher: "This is one of the most profound posts you've ever made Mike. I've copied it into my iPhone notes for future reference. It's more than a small bit of genius."

Clay: "I teach a handful of alternative-process photography workshops every year (polymer photogravure and platinum-palladium), and inevitably during these two or three day affairs a discussion will arise about why the hell would anyone want to make prints with these weird, difficult, and old-fashioned methods.

"I don’t have any quippy concise answer, but I always provide one rubric to evaluate one’s workflow: Break down all the steps involved in producing a finished result and for each step, decide if it brings you joy or irritation? Keep the joy and do whatever possible to minimize the irritation.

"I call it ‘reducing friction.’ For me, and only me mostly likely, there are really two parts of the process that really race my motor: ‘Seeing’ and securing the image, and getting involved in a hands-on way for the final print.

"Once I recognized this, I made the gradual move to mostly digital capture of my images—understanding how the camera works and how the lens sees makes them tools to aid that first part of the process. The tools become invisible helpers when I am trying to find an image.

"And I love making a handmade print—understanding all the nuances and factors that are involved allow me to ‘lose time’ when I am deeply engaged in making a print. For me digital negatives are a lifesaver, because it allows me to invest a little time upfront and then never have to sweat the negative making part again. I know how to make traditional enlarged negatives in a silver darkroom, but for me it was always a tedious pain the butt that I couldn’t wait to finish so I could finally make a print.

"But I have friends who really, really enjoy the craft and knowledge required to make great traditional enlarged negatives, or carry around 12x 20" view cameras to make enormous negatives in the field. But for me, this always represented a necessary evil, and was not something I particularly enjoyed doing.

"I now try to apply this thought process to other parts of my life. I don’t really enjoy doing laundry, but you can be sure that am trying to optimize it in a way that it takes the least amount of time and provides the least friction to my day-to-day existence so that I can move on and to the things I do enjoy."

Ben: "I tell my students this all the time. It’s worth learning early and repeating—find satisfaction in the small, necessary things. Not only those, of course but if we follow small resentments around, they’ll work their way into the rest of everything. Clay's comment is great as well—this idea of reducing friction or increasing efficiency. And I’d sure love to learn how to make a pt/pd print from a digital negative; that sounds like the perfect way (for me) to do that!"

Calvin Amari: "'You need to let the little things that would ordinarily bore you suddenly thrill you.' —Metaphysician, Life Coach, and General-Purpose Wiseacre Andy Warhol."

Grant: "Inspired by your words of wisdom, I decided to try to increase my happiness by mowing the lawn. The mower wouldn't start; there was water in the gas. I went and got fuel stabilizer and eventually the engine started, but it ran rough and didn't cut the weeds evenly—there is no grass on my lawn, it picked up and moved to my neighbors place. Then I had to hunt high and low for the battery for the trimmer and the blower. Just then one of my sons showed up and told me to sit down and he'd take over. Right at that moment his girlfriend called and asked to be picked up from work. Guess who did the trimming and blowing?  After I finished that I sat down to rest and I noticed that one of my rear tires was low. There was a Phillips head screw comfortably residing in the tire. I'm too tired to take care of it now; maybe tomorrow I'll plug it.

"I imagine that you're thinking that your words have inspired me to look on the sunny side of things.

"Not a chance!

"However being able to rant to you has made me absolutely giddy.

"Thanks Mike, you're the pal we all need."

Mike replies: "Sometimes the magic works, sometimes it doesn't." —Chief Dan George as Old Lodge Skins, in Arthur Penn's Little Big Man

Comments

[Tom burke]

“Maybe we should evaluate the various things we do and rank them according to how much we simply enjoy them.”

Absolutely. There are so few years left, either in absolute terms or of being capable of doing what I want, that it’s silly not to spend them enjoyably.

That said, there are different types of enjoyable activities. There are those that I find simply pleasurable and satisfying. Then there are those that, while not actively pleasurable in themselves, should lead to a result that I will find satisfying and worth doing. And finally there are those activities that are just chores; if I could avoid doing them, I would. Gardening, for example - I resent every minute I spend tending the d****d thing, although I know that millions of people greatly enjoy gardening, and in fact I enjoy visiting beautiful gardens. But doing it myself? - no thanks.

[darlene]

I am just grateful for it all. :0)

[James Weekes]

A friend’s father would tell him, when he complained about a chore, “Do it ‘til you get used to it.” Once you achieve that, the next step is enjoying it.

[Robert Roaldi]

What's not to love about doing laundry. You put your clothes in a machine, go watch TV.

[James Bullard]

There is a series of vidoes (vlog?) by a Japanese woman on YouTube that just follows he daily life. It follows her daily activities, cooking cleaning, shopping, etc. without ever showing her except her hands while doing ordinary things. Her motto is "My hobby is life."

[Jim Kofron]

Agreed. And I love cooking for myself and people as well. And even though I know the risks, I fu*king LOVE drinking from the hose on a hot summer day. If I cut 17 days off of my life--I'm OK with that.

Cheers Mike.

[JohnW]

"Give up criticism and complaint. Learn to accept each moment as if you had invited it, and work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy." From "Don't Bite The Hook"; Pema Chodron (Buddhist Nun)

[MikeR]

Yes!

[Dave B]

THIS post is why I just renewed my subscription! Have a good life!

[BobS]

Thanks Mike
I'm putting this in my iPhone notes for those times where I need a "Dose of Positivity"

[SixBlocksEast]

Have you tried listening to podcasts while doing chores? There's an endless choice of great content.

[Rick in CO]

As long as it does not harm or interfere with anyone else's life, "do what you wanna wanna do, go where you wanna wanna go" and "sing your own special song even if no one else sings along"!

[Michael Stockhill]

A wise friend once said "Like what you do, not do what you like."

[John Krumm]

I've become much better at not envying what others are better at than me. My first bubble burst in college, when I had to realize I wasn't the smartest person in the world. Now it's stuff like people doing good home repair projects on their own. I feel a sense of accomplishment just picking up the phone and calling a repair person. I also try to be a little less critical and scornful of others. For instance, if you go to an outdoor art fair, there's a good chance every single tent will be full of the worst art you have ever seen, perhaps especially the photography. I've become better at accepting these events as just fun social things where you can appreciate our human weirdness.

I feel lucky to have a sort of "let it roll off my back" nature when it comes to bad stuff that happens. When I was a teen I bought my first car, a 1973 Toyota Corolla with a sweet rebuilt engine, $800 in 1984. But I didn't have a driver's license yet, so I kept it unregistered behind my Mom's house until I could get my act together. But then on Halloween a friend with a license and no car convinced me to let him drive it (with me) and in short order we were speeding around with a six-pack. He ended up rolling it, going too fast on a dirt road. I had to walk home with him. By the time I got home I had accepted things as beyond my control (at that point) and was looking forward to saving up for a mountain bike, which is what I did.

[David Drake]

I took a course in university on World Religions. I think I took the most away from the section on Taoism. Taoism is a diverse tradition indigenous to China. It emphasizes living in harmony with what is known as the Tao. Like Buddhism, it is more of a philosophy. Taoism makes clear that we live in a duality - our reality is composed of opposites. So you can't know what it is to be happy unless you know it's opposite. You have to experience and live with both. It's very simple but also quite profound.

[Kye Wood]

Being happy is simple. You've pretty much nailed it in your post. But don't confuse simple, with easy.

Applying the techniques in your post for a day, or an hour or two, is eminently doable for anyone.

Like digging a large hole. Like 20 feet by 20 feet, 3 feet deep. That's a simple task. Agreed? But it's not easy.

The stumbling block to happiness for most, is tomorrow. When you wake up, you're in your 'default' power on setting. With the negatively biased voice in your head still in charge.

Overriding that, is a books worth - not a posts.

It only takes a little willingness... aaand a lifelong commitment.

[Jayanand Govindaraj]

The secret to happiness is just one word - contentment. This is the fundamental tenet behind all the main Asian religions, so the secret has been known for thousands of years

[Dave Kee]

I know that I may have to face this at my advanced age of 81 but I am not sure that I could be happy living alone. With a few short interruptions in my life I have always had the companionship of one or more people (family) in my daily life and I am not sure that I could maintain that without someone else being here with me. I understand that many people enjoy the total independence that comes from being single and it’s probably a failing in me that I can’t see living alone.

[Brian O'Connor]

I'm currently attempting to do as Kurt Vonnegut suggests and explore "becoming"
This is from his letter to Xavier High school.

https://news.lettersofnote.com/p/make-your-soul-grow

I actually think I've doing this for some time... but kept thinking that I failed, but I was just becoming.....

[Gerry Hiatt]

As I have said before, the best part about TOP - and why I am a subscriber - is that it is about LIFE!

[Bear.]

And if you just can't learn to be happy about a task (in my case, ironing) be happy about a task that makes you money, and then use the money to pay someone else to do it who is happy to do ...

[Richard Parkin]

@Jayanand Govindaraj, if “The secret to happiness is just one word - contentment” what is the secret to contentment?

[David Dyer-Bennet]

Progress isn't made by people who learn to enjoy what they can't avoid; it's made by curmudgeons who eventually get motivated enough to find a way to get rid of the annoying work permanently.