On Naming

Naming stuff is hard. I have a friend who'd like suggestions for a name for a vending machine company. I thought of "Venum," Latin for "sale," but it's already taken. It's a French company that makes martial arts equipment. Technically my friend could use it, because you can use the same name as long as the companies do something completely different, but it would just cause confusion. No one would be happy.

My uncle Smokie (Dr. Albert Ferdinand Polk, Jr.) bred thoroughbred racehorses, and he once asked me for suggestions for horse names. I gave him a list of ten possibilities. Of those, eight had already been used! Racehorse names can't be re-used, which is why they can sometimes be so strange, like the horse "Two Phil's" [sic] in this year's Derby. One of my suggestions was the name of an historically famous horse. Oops. That shows you one weakness when you're trying to think of names: it's better if you have some familiarity with the field of endeavor you're working in. That's a problem in genre fiction as well: you need to be familiar with what's already been done so you don't re-invent the wheel. Or a bunch of wheels. Or accidentally crib stuff.

Speaking of which, I watched the WWII propaganda movie Mrs. Miniver over the weekend. A weak movie—programmatic—and one that has aged poorly. I didn't really enjoy it. But I did learn that Julian Fellowes and his writers stole a major plot point from that movie for his series Downton Abbey! Just lifted and repurposed it. Stop, thieves. I guess they thought it had been so long since 1943 that they could steal the idea and contemporary audiences would be none the wiser.

Then again, Shakespeare pulled that sh*t too, didn't he?

Three wins
One of the the two valid horse names I came up with, "Montana Blackfoot," was given to an actual racehorse. Foaled in 1976, he raced in 1978 and '79. He won three times and placed second four times and third twice in 26 starts. He earned $21,111, about $90k in today's money. Not the big time, but not too shabby. Anyway, I thought it was cool. How many average Joes—er, average Mikes—have gotten to name a racehorse? Yet another split-second in my 15 minutes of fame.

If you can think of a cool name for a vending machine company, let me know.

Mike

Original contents copyright 2023 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. (To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below or on the title of this post.)

Featured Comments from:

Martin Q.: "You ain't kidding. There's an old saying in software developer circles, which Tim Bray attributes to Phil Karlton: There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation and naming things."

Dan Mongomery: "The editor of the Virginia newspaper where I worked asked newsroom folks for ideas for the name of his big new boat. As everyone knows, underpaid minions love to help their bosses with all the little problems that arise from having excessive disposable income, but putting that aside, I suggested 'Fnu Lnu.' This is police-report shorthand for 'first name unknown, last name unknown.' A fill-in weekend police reporter had recently taken it for a person's name, and 'Fnu Lnu' made it into print as such. Our subsequent correction didn't go viral, exactly, but it traveled far and wide. The reporter and editors involved were not the first or last to make this mistake, but our paper was briefly famous, and lessons were learned.

"The boss put 'Fnu Lnu' on his stern, and he loved, loved, loved explaining it to strangers who asked about it."

Kent Phelan: "When I had my business back in the '90s, I bought a couple of vending machines for the company break room. I started a separate company for this purpose, and named it 'Soda Jerks LLC.' I gave the profits to the two women in the accounting dept. who managed the machines."

s.wolters: "As a designer of corporate identities, coming up with a new name for a company or organization was often part of my job. There are methods for that and it was never difficult to develop long lists of proposals. Getting the right one accepted, often by many people involved, is something else. Before presenting your ideas there should be a general agreement on the criteria so the names can be judged objectively. Names should be unique. If possible they should already explain what the activities of the organization are. Standard Oil, TotalEnergies, Tomato Bank Ltd., et cetera. Being a visualizer, I often suggested names where name and trademark express the same thing. As is in case of Shell, Penguin, or Domino’s Pizza. At its best there should be some verbal or visual association with the activity too. So if someone came up with a name like Twitter for a social chatting network I would think that this was brilliant. On the other hand if someone suggested for that purpose the letter X, that is already used by almost half of the world population, I would think this person had a bug in his brain."

Mike replies: I thought exactly the same thing. To take "Facebook," one of the most recognizable names on the planet, and ditch it for "Meta" is like dumping "Coca-Cola" in favor of something like "BrownDrink," or even trading "Kleenex" for "Paper." It strikes me that "Twitter" is the perfect name—it aligns with the term "tweet" (as a verb with associated tenses as well as a noun for the actual communiques), and features a bird as a logo, which associates very sensibly. How are you going to replicate all that with "X," never mind the incalculable loss in name recognition alone? It seems to me that Mr. Musk might have some sort of psychological problem—lately he acts like he's doing all he can to lose more money than any human ever has before. Just a thought; IANAS. [I am not a shrink.]

richardp_london: "My father-in-law had a connection with the UK Channel Islands, one of which is called Sark. He had a whim to get his boat registered there. By convention the place of registration appears below the boat name, on its rear transom. Name of his boat? 'Noah.'"

Comments

[Malcolm Myers]

I was told that, when naming a product, you should mis-spell it, thereby making up a new word. I therefore propose "The Devign Vending Machine Company." since Devign sounds like Divine and is almost an anagram of Vending.

You're welcome :)

[Gordon Buck]

machinavenum

[Malcolm Myers]

I just Googled Devign, thinking I'd get nothing. Oops, I see your point!

[psu]

Almost the hardest problem in all of computer programming is naming the things you build in your code so that people writing other code can use them.

[Grant]

Cash In Pop Out. For you Americans, pop is soda.

[jeremy t]

Pity the poor people who have to name cars sold in a global market who need to make sure they don’t look silly nor offensive in any language: Mazda Titan Dump, Daihatsu Naked, Mitsubishi Lettuce and Winky, Tarpan Honker, Subaru Brat, Mazda Laputa, and the Honda Fitta to name a few.
For your company name you could check out check out one of the many name generators on the internet.

[George]

Vendor would be my choice - can't see it being used by anyone in that line of business - strange though?

[Stan B.]

Vendomatic? Yeah, that's the extent of my naming prowess; I kinda peaked when I named my English Bull Terrier (Bob).

[Herman Krieger]

Slot Machine Co.

[Jim Arthur]

I decided to devote five minutes of my day to your name quest and to my surprise I came up with a name that does not appear in a Google search. My first thought was “Snackers Choice” but that appears to be a food company. I liked the word snacker so next I tried “Snackers Fantasy” and found that there were no search results. I’m not saying its a good name but it appears to be somewhat unique and I feel it would appeal to kids and stoners who are probably a big part of the vending demographic. :-)

[darlene]

What is the product they are selling via vending machines?

[robert e]

You didn't mention if any racehorses had been named "Mrs. Miniver" or "Downton Abbey".

I see that "Mrs. Miniver" the movie won six Academy Awards, including "Best Picture", perhaps another reminder that that particular award is often as much about politics and marketing as it is about artistic accomplishment.

As for naming companies, it turns out, fortunately, that the most banal and meaningless name possible, "X", is claimed by at least three different American tech giants. No surprise there. (They are Microsoft, Meta and now the service formerly known as Twitter.)

But thanks to your Downton Abbey reference, I've got butlers on my mind. However, in honor of Mrs. Miniver, I suggest transplanting that idea to automation-crazy post-WWII America and call the company "Auto-Butler".

[John Krumm]

Naming stuff can be very hard. We've been trying to name an affordable housing coalition with something snazzy and area related. Nothing good yet.

Of course Top Vending is taken... https://www.topvending.co.za/

Instant Vending seems open, maybe...

[Mike Chisholm]

Utopian Turtletop.

Actually a name proposed by poet Marianne Moore (along with Andante con Moto, Mongoose Civique, Magigravue, Pastelogram, Resilient Bullet, Silver Sword, Turcotinga, and Varsity Stroke) for what became the Ford Edsel, a car produced in the United States from 1958-60, and apparently pretty much synonymous with "design failure" (we in the UK think of the Austin Alllegro in that regard, with its magnificent rectangular steering wheel).

Actually, "Turcotinga" does have a certain ring for a vending machine...

Mike

[Peggy]

Ven-Dot-Taa.

Don't ask me why. It just came to me. Probably because I haven't had my coffee yet today.

[Ken Ohrn]

StuffBox

[Ben]

Vendi vidi vici of course.

[Martino]

Sellgipitee, Buybot, Milobandit, Micromart, Gullivend, Sellilliput, Boxexchng, Cornerbox, , Robox, Convenience

[Ken Lunders]

For a name? First thing that pops up without checking anything out, and assuming the machines dole out comestibles - VenderAte

[Jnny]

Vendholio. (a vending hole)

Actually describes what it is and will give the MTV generation a laugh. Google Cornholio if you don't know what I'm laughing about.

[Not THAT Ross Cameron]

Doesn’t matter what the company is called, it’s the brand that matters these days.

I tried a few involving ‘Insta’ and ‘stuff’, but a quick google shows they’re already taken, via instagram, Etsy & TikTok etc.

Maybe something involving the word ‘pronto’. I can’t think beyond that now. Yet to have breakfast or my cuppa, so brain yet to kick into gear.

[Tom R. Halfhill]

Name for a vending-machine company: Venmore

And if Venmo sues, change to Vendmore. So there!

[No dice, there's already a VendMore Vending. You see the problem. --Mike]

[Mike Plews]

Geedunk

[V.I. Voltz]

SnackHaven

But I’m also voting for Vendholio, but only if the machines can vend T.P.

Voltz

[Peter Williams]

Sellr

[darlene]

For junk food:

VendXpress, GoGrab Vending, CrunchBox Solutions, FreshFare Vending, VendoMatik, EasyVend Solutions, YumZone VendoMatic, SnackLinx, Tasty Tray Vending, HappyMunch Vendors

I googled them and could not find the exact name spellings.

Many names are popular, but if you find a name you like, add 'enterprise' or 'solutions' or 'box,' 'link,' etc., at the end and make it yours or your friends.

[Jan-Peter]

Ullore— ultra local retail

[Michael]

Snackamatic

[Michael]

Or Snack-O-mastic ?

[Michael Fewster]

"Naming" or "Titling" is worth discussing in relation to photographs as well.
Seeing a title attached to an image changes the way the image is perceived. It can be good or bad. Sometimes a title is needed to give some context that helps understand the image. Sometimes a title can skew the way the image is viewed or act as a spoiler in unwrapping the picture. Take the "Mennonite boys" image Mike is currently discussing. How does "Mennonite"in the title influence the viewer's response? Sometimes such additional information is essential. Sometimes it is a "spoiler."

[Michael]

Damn spellcheck! Could be a hit with tile mechanics though.

[Jeff1000]

Vendetta?

[c.d.embrey]

Chevrolet named a model Nova. "No va" means won't go in the Spanish language. An appropriate name.

You have to be careful because regional slang, like pop (carbonated soft drinks in California) may have a totally different meaning in the USA's southern states.

[Arg]

Vendy McVenface

[Ed Hawco]

I was thinking “Snack Attack” or “Snakatak” but both are taken. So how about inverting it into “Atakasnak,” which sounds exotic but isn’t, yet is somewhat memorable and unique?

[Roger Bradbury]

Here's a name; Buyiteer.

Just say it out loud...

[Sean Keane]

Vendy McVenface

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/22/world/europe/boaty-mcboatface-what-you-get-when-you-let-the-internet-decide.html

[Chris Bertram]

The French soda Pschitt! was never going to take off in anglophone countries.

[Dan Montgomery]

I am probably too late with this one, but: I have a book's worth of memoirs. These are certain to remain unpublished, but writing them has been great fun. It's one of few things I can still lose myself in, just as you described in a recent "Open Mike" post. I've had particular fun giving the chapters/stories what I hope are catchy titles, including Dodge and Burn; Coyote Tactics; My Blue-Ribbon Leg; My Time in Prison; Trespassers at the World Trade Center and Trip Class.
My favorite was Apocryphal Now, until the usual Google search provided the usual splash of cold water. It's the title of a book, a comic book and a video game.

[Søren Engelbrecht]

My #1 piece of advice on product naming: Don't go for an unusual spelling of a name which has already been taken by someone else. A couple of examples here from Denmark: Eesy, Nuuday, Boozt... You will have to explain the spelling every time that you refer people to your website or product, and if you don't, someone else will get your Google/website traffic (and your potential customers will be frustrated). George Eastman had it right when he came up with "Kodak" :-)

[DB]

Upon informing the wife about Fnu Lnu, she inquired whether it was a Cnu.

[Alex G.]

Coinsumption

[nextSibling]

The difference with Meta was that it was a change in name of the corporate entity, not the product (still Facebook). Likewise Google adopting Alphabet as their corporate name, but the products all still being Google in some shape or form. Neither harmful to brand or consumer recognition.

X, on the other hand, is just brand vandalism.

[nextSibling]

Vending Machine Co name:
Thunk

Not going to explain it. If I need to, it's not a good name.

[David Dyer-Bennet]

Martin Q has the exact thing this article made me think of in the very first featured comment. (I especially love the variant of the joke where, after saying there are only 2 hard problems in computer science and listing those 2, you then list a 3rd one -- off by one errors.)

[David Dyer-Bennet]

And as for naming the vending machine company, "Venum" has the problem that it will be pronounced the same as "venom", which is not friendly or welcoming :-). Works for some kinds of video game or movie things but very doubtful for vending machines, seems to me.

[Khürt L Williams]

1. SnackWave
2. ByteBites
3. VendEaze
4. Munch-o-Matic
5. NibbleNook
6. SmartTreats
7. QuickCrave
8. TastyTech
9. MunchieMaster
10. SnackBoxXpress

[Herjulfr]

Naming conventions is a very interesting subject - for me. I am a linguistic and history/mythology nerd (I have written a 3 pages article about our black giant schnauzer's name), so I have taken complete control of the naming of our farm animals. We are black Percherons breeders, so I am using old germanic etymologies to name our horses. Since they are black, they must all bear the prefix/suffix *berth (a symbolic inversion).

[Dave Kee]

I named my (then) boat after my two kids, Justin and Summer. In that order.

[Ernest Zarate]

KHB Vending

The “khb” stands for “kick, hit, bang” an inevitable procedure the customer needs to use to retrieve the already paid for item.

[David Lee]

ACME Vending?

[David Smith]

I love making up names, but I'm not very good at it. Anyway:

Cash4trash

Cointoss

No-re-funds

Spendend

Autoklep

Losechange

Billk
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I'm deeply sorry for wasting everyone's time!