The Online Photographer Is Selling Out

I'm devastated sorry happy delighted to announce that The Online Photographer is being sold. Internet mogul Spliff Wayzos and tech boffin Melon (pronounced MEE-lon) Husk engaged in a titanic bidding war for the highly prized property, and, once the clouds of gunsmoke in the air wafted away on the spring breeze, Mr. Wayzos emerged the winner with a towering $53,461.15 bid, for which Mr. Husk had no answer.

It's too much to resist. As much as I would like to remain independent, and as resolutely as I would claim to cling to principle, I find that any stiffness in my spine is turned into jelly by the dancing visions of such a large sum of lucre. I mean, people, I could buy a whole new Prius with that much dosh, that is if I were able to pull the trigger on a depreciating asset. Hence, the owner-manager of this site, corrupted by money into a state of spinelessness, has cynically thrown it all away.

Personally, of course, I will be basking in it. Once the check comes in, I will be $30,000 closer to my retirement goal of paying off my mortgage (only $110,000 to go! Which should take only 18 years, and my current life expectancy is 18 years!) and tooling around town like a princeling in a new-to-me used Nissan with only 117,000 miles on it. As for the site, Mr. Wayzos, or Spliff as I am now privileged to call him, has promised he will not micromanage too much. Privately he has pledged to step back and stay out of the way, ceding editorial control mainly to the site's existing editors—a group that consists of...just me. For those continuing services, I am to be paid a rock-steady $16.20 an hour, day-in, day-out, a generous $2 over NY State minimum wage and coincidentally just about exactly the cost of an 8-pack of paper towels or a lunch at Casa Mezcal, the new Mexican restaurant in town. The new owner has promised to keep the site going "through the summer." After that he will shut down the site, probably because by then he will realize that 17% of the site's income consists of affiliate income from his own companies (we'll hope he doesn't read this). Plus the drain of that $16.20 ticking past every hour whether the head writer is actually writing or off doing errands, or reading Liar's Club while pedaling a stationary bike at the Community Center, or out taking flat lifeless pictures with his pointlessly converted camera (you can convert color files to B&W, you know), or chopping veggies for soup, or throwing the dog's beloved discus and standing there like a tree stump while Butters wanders around with the discus in his mouth sniffing things.

Actually he won't need a reason to shut the shebang down. He's the king of the jungle*; it's just business.

You will not notice any change, all the way through to the very end of the summer. Just the arrival of summer will seem like it takes forever, and the end of summer is way beyond that, so you've nothing to worry about for now.

Signed,

—The Previous Owner and Once and Future All-Purpose Editorial Slave of TOP

*You see what I did there.

Original contents copyright 2023 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. (To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below or on the title of this post.)

Featured Comments from:

Keith Cartmell: "I think your high tech blog scheduler published this a week early."

Mike replies: I'd answer that, but I only work till 5:00 now.

Frank Gorga: "I'm so delighted happy sorry devastated for you!"

Chris Kern: "Yeah, well, enjoy it while you can. In this economy, that 'rock-steady $16.20 an hour' no doubt will be a drain on profitability. The new management will have to let the old editorial staff go before too long, and use a chatbot to produce the content."

Mike replies: How do you know I'm not a chatbot?

John Krumm: "If you will take $53,500 I'll buy it from you, then lease it back to you. You can become the peasant blog farmer, and I'll take a percentage of all Patreon earnings. As Lord of the blog manor, I will have the right to approve or deny any marriage, and I can also hold yearly country fairs on the property. You will have to move into the barn. One post a week will have to praise me in some form."

Mike replies: You drive a hard bargain. But you are brilliant, of great understanding, wise in the ways of humankind, clever at puzzles, and better-looking than average. There, that checks the box for Week One.

Sherwood McLernon: "I think you're Lion."

Mike replies: Only when I'm not standing up.

Arg: "Shouldn’t this have been written and published in 2007?  ;-)  "

Mike replies: Wait, are you telling me it's not 2007?

xf mj: "I think what I most love about this post is, other than the fact that it’s not factually true (but it speaks a 'truth'), we can all just continue to huddle in this little corner of Typepad, on its little square block of the internet, await more posts, and occasionally respond in kind, as best we are able. Sure, some other parts are being dynamited maybe, and some new gilded impenetrable skyscrapers are probably being financed and constructed. I myself am comfortable here away from the fray. We can take and make pictures, and talk about doing it, and sometimes debate the process. Across the street, at least for me, is the site on bikes and touring where I sometimes window shop, and where some seasoned frame builders will chance by as well. And just down the street I’ve heard that some people are dancing on and on about architecture."

Comments

[JTK]

Oh dear! How sad!
Before the 'layoff notice' arrives you should apply for the vacant staff writer's job at The New Yorker.
I know, I know, It will be a poor substitute for your illustrious past but let's face it, you were never going to make it as a 'blogger'

[Ricardo]

I had to read this twice to make sure it is what I think it is ;-)

[Brian]

lol 1st april a long way off. pity you could not wait

[Gordon Lewis]

I would have thought that such momentous news could have waited until April 1, but I guess you wanted to get ahead of the inevitable leaks and rumours. Congratulations. It's about time you came to your senses.

[Robert Roaldi]

Hadn't you heard? We live in a post-satire and post-irony world now.

[Jack Mac]

Make sure you keep the Patreon income to yourself.

[Richard Alan Fox]

I would have offered more. Sorry.

[Kirk]

Since I take everything you write as God's literal truth I have to say that I'll be sad to see the site go. It's just possible that this was satire so I'm hanging on to that hope by a thread... waiting to see if salvation is just around the corner or in the next post. But...will it be archived for eternity?

Who will end up with the Sigma? Is it now company property or is it a personal camera? Can I get in touch with the new owner to make an offer on the camera?

[Dan Khong]

Well done Mike. I am so happy for you.

Do you have a suggestion how your followers are going to treat their withdrawal symptoms - which they better sort out before end of summer.

I hope you did not forget Butters in the deal making. Surely one nice bone a day plus 10 bags of premium grade dog food a month is not askin' too much, yah?

[John Camp]

I'll be more or less sorry to see you go. Since you're in the process of fiscal reorganization, would you be interested in monetizing the dog?

[s.wolters]

Shit Mike! I must have send you at least fifty comments in the past to keep this flaggy site alive. I want my share!

[Peter Komar]

Whaaaat, it’s not April 1st so it can’t be that. I don’t know how to respond or comment. I’ll just have to wait for the shock to settle in and the dust to settle. Waiting for the next post, YIKES.

[Al Cochrane]

You and Ted Forbes are the only blogs I follow.
Hope it works ok for you ……. Not sure that it will work ok for me.

[Grant]

Satire Alert!???
I read this and thought that I could finally pull myself away from the computer at the end of the summer and go back to having a real life!
I guess reading this site will continue to be a "process".

[Jnny]

Early April Fools post?

[PaulW]

You should have saved this for April 1st!
Unless you're not kidding, in which case this has been a really bad week for photography.

[David L.]

“out taking flat lifeless pictures”- there is your problem. Not flat and lifeless enough for those soulless billionaire goons.

[Not THAT Ross Cameron]

Me confused,
April 1st is still 9 days away (8 for me down under).
Are you getting in early before the opportunity for this lark goes stale?
Thank in advance,
Confused
:~)

[Steve Deutsch]

I wonder if any attempt to sell DPReview to an outside entity was made. You could offer that $53000 for DPReview.... 8^)

[Brian]

Perhaps under new management one can see a possible home from all the trolls who will not be able to annoy the dpr community.

[Stan B.]

What a coincidence- Bernhard Steidl just signed me for my first photobook deal!

[Kye Wood]

I would like to turn this on its head.

In all seriousness, I'm asking how much would it take for you to sell control, and ownership of this blog, while remaining on staff?

Seriously.

Might you indulge me?

[Bill Bresler]

Oof! Kind of like The Onion. A little too close to reality.

[Michael L Shwarts]

A once noble site falls prey to commerce. Oh woe.

[Benjamin Marks]

I note that the initialism for your new title in your sig line is the POOF APES.

:)

[Sean]

Will people with a free Tarzan premier trial be able to read TOP without charge? Asking for a friend

[Ian Douglas]

Does April come early at Keuka Lake?

[Sven W]

Some good fun responses; I especially like John Krumm’s.