There won't be a post today. I know things have been torn up around here lately—unsteady—but I'm going to take the day to work on my book.
Very inconveniently, it's not a book about photography. This probably means it will die in a drawer, as they say. Photography is all anyone ever wanted from me; nobody has ever been interested in anything else I have to say. But I can't help it—I have other stories to tell before I shuffle off to Buffalo. (That's an old euphemism for kicking the bucket, itself a colloquialism. It's ironically symbolic that the actual Buffalo is close by.)
I always wanted to be a writer, and I am, so I can't complain. I made the decision when I was a freshman in high school, and I still remember where I was when it came to me—I was running an errand for a teacher in the middle of the hour, so the hallways of the school were deserted, and as I walked I was mulling over what I was going to do in life. It came down to painter or writer. Everybody knew me as an art geek, but I knew a lot about modern art by that time, how idea-laden it had to be, how obfuscatory the intellectual scaffolding had to be, and I had my doubts I could negotiate it. Halfway down the staircase, by the courtyard at the old South Campus of the University School of Milwaukee, I stopped cold and stood stock still for a while in the silence, thinking. I realized that writing was all I was good at, so I had better aim at that.
The idea was put in my head by an eighth-grade teacher, Worden L. "Sandy" McCallum. We called him Mr. McCallum, of course. He wanted to see me after school one day. I thought I was in trouble again and was going to get yelled at—I was very often in trouble. But usually, I knew what for. So I was mildly curious to find out what I had done wrong this time.
I was enamored of Mr. McCallum. English was my favorite class even with teachers I didn't like, and I liked him. He was different from the other teachers—for one thing, he wasn't a professional educator and I don't think he had been trained. He was a "gentleman teacher" of the sort who used to "pitch in" at old-time independent prep schools like USM—a volunteer, essentially. He only taught one or two courses. He seemed to be independently wealthy as far as I knew, and he had at least a few fine antique cars. I liked cars, so I would always go to the window of our fourth-floor classroom early and look down at the parking lot to see what car he would arrive in. My favorite was an MG, although at this remove I can't remember what model. Mr. McCallum was good-looking in a sort of preppie way and had the imperious air of old "quiet" money and the invisible upper class. I wanted to be like him.
When I got to the classroom—I could find it in that building today, and I can picture it in my mind—he had one of my papers in front of him, and he proceeded to ask me a bunch of questions about it. But he kept complimenting it. He read one sentence and said something like, "how do you do that? How do you know which words to use and how to put them together?" To which I thought, what? I decided he thought I had copied the paper and it wasn't my work.
I remember he had me read aloud a sentence with a semicolon in it. "That's right," he said, after I spoke it. "How do you know what a semicolon sounds like?"
"...Dickens?" I answered. I didn't know.
It might have been Mrs. Memmel, my fifth-grade teacher at the Bayside Elementary School. I didn't like her at all—she had teacher's pets who could do no wrong, and then another category of "bad kids" she persecuted, and I was one of the latter. But she did me a huge favor. For an hour after lunch, every day, she would read a book aloud and we had to follow along in our own copies of the book. Every now and then she would pause and call out a kid's name, and the kid would have to give the next word—that's how she tested whether you were following along like you were supposed to. She never called on me because she learned early that I was always right there with her. I learned how written words sound from Mrs. Memmel. Not only the proper pronunciations of lots of words, but the music of writing—the cadences, the flow, the starts and stops, the emphases, the silences in the right places. I still read aloud to myself occasionally, just to remind myself that the symbols on the page are actually sounds.
I later learned that Mr. McCallum was fascinated by a certain question, namely, how he could love writing so much and not be good at it. He didn't think I had copied that paper: he was merely interested in why it was so good and how I did it. Anyway, as I was getting ready to leave, he was still looking at the paper, and he asked me a question: "Have you ever considered being a writer?" I honestly didn't know what to say to that. So I just said "no," because that was the truth, and left. But obviously it stuck with me.
He lived in fine big modernistic house in the woods across the ravine from my house, and when I was in high school he invited me to continue to write for him. So I would write stories and cross the ravine and walk through the woods and take them to his house. It was what would now be called an "inappropriate" relationship, because he and I would sit in his study and drink beer and smoke cigarettes and discuss our work and the work of other writers, like two friends, and I was only fifteen or sixteen. But other than the beer and tobacco he never acted the least bit inappropriate, ever, in any way. He had some number of sons, I think, who were all grown and gone, and a much younger daughter who was still at home. Maybe he just missed his sons. But he was one of the only adults in my life who treated me like an adult, or who ever bothered to "see" me as a person. I was grateful for that then, and I still am. My relationship with my own father was fraught and dangerous, and my father had remarkably little interest in what kind of person I was. I was always casting about for substitute fathers.
If you are looking for a post to read, try "Like a Sack of Bricks," from March about ten years ago.
I fear my book is a fool's errand, in fact the most foolish of fool's errands. If I were a book-writer kind of writer, I would have written a book by now. After trying two articles for The New Yorker and closely reading about fifty more with my tinfoil analyzing hat on, I've come down to the conclusion that I'm naturally a columnist. But I am trying, with the book, I mean, because I only have this one life—and, you know, there's Buffalo, down the road just a couple of hours from here. Time and tide wait for no man.
Sorry for the lack of a post today, but, like I say, there are other stories to tell.
Mike
Original contents copyright 2023 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. (To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below or on the title of this post.)
Featured Comments from:
DaveB: "I drop into TOP…occasionally. I don’t really do it for the 'photography.' I like what else you write…kinda 'Off Topic.' Today’s post was EXACTLY the type of writing that you do that I like best. You hit the sweet spot for me with this one. My one suggestion…do more of it! There have been few writers in my 73 years who paint the picture in my mind with the way you use words.
"P.S., I’d like to read your book before you get to Buffalo!"
Anthony: "From the above post: 'Sorry for the lack of a post today....' Moving into koans?"
Mark P Morris: "Morning—it almost seems that you are downplaying what you write here. I enjoyed this essay very much. It was revealing but in a very good way. So, thanks for writing it and letting us in on how you feel and how you developed as a person."
Robert: "Re 'I fear my book is a fool's errand, in fact the most foolish of fool's errands.' Exactly why you should lean in and keep on doing it. Don't let fear stop you."
Mike replies: One of my favorite books for artists is Art and Fear by Orland and Bayles. And one of my favorite recent cartoons is two arty-student kids looking at a droopy computer, and one is saying "The AI art generator became self-aware, and now it just procrastinates and questions itself." (Looks like the author is "Coverly" of speedbump.com.)
Mike Chisholm: "Hey, don't think we didn't see what you didn't do there...."
Stephanie Luke: "Just discovered this today, and how delightful it is. I couldn't help hearing it with an upper-class English accent. Your work is done. By all means, write!"
Luci: "Hello, I am not sure what the definition of 'post' is nowadays for you, but let me tell you I enjoyed reading what you wrote today. Yes, photography's fine, but pieces like this are at least as enjoyable. To me, at least. So, thank you!"
Mike replies: You are welcome.
Kenneth Voight: "Very well written. This is why I read you. Have you ever considered being a writer?"
Mike replies: I'm gonna think about it.
Chris Kern: "Mike: 'There won’t be a new post today.' Mark Twain: 'It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.'"
Peter Barnes: "I do like it when you don't post."
I have to say...it kind of looked like a post to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Posted by: Rick Popham | Friday, 03 March 2023 at 06:33 PM
Well if we’re going to eliminate fools errands from the world it’s going to be a pretty dull place. For that matter, pretty much anything anyone ever did “just because” could be called a fool’s errand.
Posted by: Dan | Friday, 03 March 2023 at 06:49 PM
Mike, because I consider you to be a very good writer, one who I started to follow during your days on LL, I continue to check to see what new you post every day, just before I check to see what KT posts, who is another very good writer. Whether you post about photography or pool or health, I enjoy them all. Same with KT. So, counter to your thinking that your book ends up only in your drawer, I look forward to the time it instead ends up on my lap. Keep it up! I immensely enjoyed your post today!
Posted by: Mike Marcus | Friday, 03 March 2023 at 08:10 PM
"No New Post Today" turned out to be a wonderful post! Thanks Mike!
Posted by: Jeff Magidson | Friday, 03 March 2023 at 11:05 PM
Thanks for this non-post. It's an interesting story, and more so because it's true. Keep on with the book. I'm sure more than a few TOP readers will want to buy a copy.
Posted by: Bill Tyler | Friday, 03 March 2023 at 11:15 PM
Please don't ever post negative self thoughts again. Ever.
If you're going to fail, for christs sake Mike, fail spectacularly. Don't lay out a breadcrumb trail of excuses and justifications for why your supposed inevitable failure was predestined. Yes - I'm aware of the litany of redundancies in the preceding sentences.
There is a time for being fearless. All cliches aside, like me, you have a bucket with tokens for another day of life. Each day you put your hand in and pull one out. Pretty soon, we'll be pulling out our last token. Make 'em count Mike.
Posted by: Kye Wood | Friday, 03 March 2023 at 11:52 PM
The story about you and writing was a very interesting and engaging post.
Good on you!
Robert
Posted by: Robert Newcomb | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 12:34 AM
I am so glad that you became a writer Mike. You entertain us photo nuts with intelligent copy that is very hard to come by in our chosen subject. They say that there is a book in everyone. I don't think that is true, but I am sure as can be that there is one in you. Please write that book. I for one don't mind you taking the time.
Posted by: Bob Johnston | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 03:26 AM
That's a great post Mike and the kind of post that compels me to continue supporting you through Patreon. Best of luck for the book, looking forward to it.
Posted by: Martino | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 04:38 AM
Well, I know that books and novels take many forms---novels took these different forms early on.
So, if your book is a novel, why not make it a "columnist" novel, like an epistolary novel? And if you book is something else, then you can't do better than following McPhee's lead---those books of his started as New Yorker articles. I'm sure you know all of this.
And I've always enjoyed your digressions, because they didn't seem like such---more like extensions of how you viewed your role in photography, ans so informative of that.
Don't produce a self-fulfilling prophesy about your book. Don't let it stay in the drawer. One day I'll once again get my artwork out into the world---the time isn't quite right just yet, but I'm seeing the path to do that now after losing it for a bit. Getting these things "out there" isn't as easy as a lot of people seem to think.
Posted by: Tex Andrews | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 08:51 AM
Mike
Thanks for a frank account of your early impressionistic and inspirational years and being at the crossroads of your life. You were like a surrogate son to Mr McCallum and would have been family if his stay home daughter had attracted your attention. Just sayin'.
As for your book, knowing that way you write, the "music" should be good - not so sure about the subject. Look at it as a distraction from penning TOP for a bunch of hungry lens men waiting for munchies to be tossed at them every now and then.
Dan K.
Posted by: Dan Khong | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 10:42 AM
Mike, I think you may have your audience pegged incorrectly. While I can only speak for myself of course, I get the feeling your audience enjoys everything you write across many topics. I read everything and often send your non-photography articles to my friends because I know they would enjoy them as well. I don’t send the photo-specific articles because in my circle, I’m the only one to enjoy those. So, should you publish a book—any book—you are sure to have at least one purchaser; I think, however, you’ll have quite a few more buyers than just one.
Posted by: William Cook | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 11:44 AM
No posting so you can watch the various NCAA Conference tournaments - Wrestling.
Penn State looks on track to get its 10th title since Cael Sanderson took over. Cael went 19-0 in College, then Olympic Gold. Since taking over at Penn State he has won NCAA titles 75% of the time. Quite a record. Especially so since Penn State had last won the NCAA title in 1953.
Posted by: Daniel | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 11:49 AM
Lack of post? Haha. Anyway try treating yours as a column or series of columns?
Posted by: Dennis | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 01:47 PM
Brilliant.
Posted by: Richard Alan Fox | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 04:54 PM
A moving memoir, Mike. I also have fond memories of three teachers like Mr. McCallum, educators for life.
Unfortunately, what was already rare, is rarer in these times...
Posted by: Hélcio J. Tagliolatto | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 05:04 PM
“Sorry for the lack of a post today”
Um, this one will do quite nicely
Posted by: Frederick Mueller | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 05:50 PM
The book is written and it's made of columns.
Posted by: Greg | Saturday, 04 March 2023 at 07:12 PM
Also Mike, You know what is becoming also scary is that AI software can pretty much write a book or near abouts if provided the framework, characters plot, etc.
Chat GPT is a harbinger of things to come in artificial intelligence and that world is somewhat scary given where it could go.
Here's a little write up about it.
https://ghostwritersandco.com/chatgpt-write-my-book/#:~:text=It's%20easy%20to%20set%20up,must%20be%20provided%20by%20yourself.
Posted by: Alan | Sunday, 05 March 2023 at 09:15 AM
Keep writing, keep trying. Hell Grandma Mose began painting in earnest at the young age of 78. One never knows what might happen.
Posted by: Zack S | Sunday, 05 March 2023 at 09:25 AM
TLDR!
ha ha, just kidding. But, you said you weren't doing a post today?!
Posted by: John | Sunday, 05 March 2023 at 10:28 AM
Which book? I recall talk of one photographic and another biographical.
Posted by: ChrisC | Sunday, 05 March 2023 at 11:01 PM
What about the "Story of Baby-X" book?
We are still waiting for it ;-)
BR, Yoram
Posted by: Yoram Nevo | Monday, 06 March 2023 at 03:18 AM
There is a beautiful tale of Babel: as a child, his parents wanted him to take violin classes, all of which he missed to go to the seaside. There an old man told him: "Study nature: otherwise, what are you going to write about?" In another tale he recalls how his grandfather taught him to write; as all great writers, his granpa had a wacko vein which scared his school-buddies away.
Posted by: ugo bessi | Monday, 06 March 2023 at 04:59 AM
Good evening Mike
Thank you very much for the lack of a post today. My wife is going through a challenging period, and i was obliged to read it out loud for her (she is much more the arty crafty than reading type).
For a couple of paragraphs the darkness lifted
Posted by: Johan Malan | Wednesday, 08 March 2023 at 12:51 PM
Photography is all anyone ever wanted from [you]?
Are you kidding? Even when you write about a topic I thought I didn't care for, I love reading your work.
Photography got me here but your writings, whether about photography or not, are the reason I never left. I may be a bit behind in reading your posts but I read all of them. And yes, I know I don't have to. But I WANT to.
I look forward to reading your book... No hurry, take your time. But yeah, I know we'll love it.
Posted by: Thomas Paris | Friday, 10 March 2023 at 05:18 AM