A Scream**

[Comments have been posted]

SA*

Another great victory in the neverending battle to keep America safe from photographers occurred last Saturday at LaGuardia Airport in New York. A Republic Airways aircraft operating as American Flight 4817, full of patriotic Americans going about their everyday business, was proceeding from Indianapolis to LaGuardia when an alert woman correctly identified a man seated near her as a vintage camera enthusiast. Fearing that at any moment he might try to capture her image on a negative without obtaining a model release from her, thus violating her God-given copyright to images of herself, she properly alerted authorities—okay, flight attendants—that he had a device.

She was correct: he did. The device might have been something like a Certo 6 folder with a Synchro-Compur shutter built in East Germany (the former Communist part) in the 1950s. Experts from counter-photography watchdog agencies who monitor the activities of suspicious photographers say it is possible to use this shutter to MacGuyver a detonator for a 1950s Russian nuclear warhead, and that for this reason photographers are always attempting to smuggle these shutters from one terrorist cell to another.

"It's DA BOMB!!"

It was later determined that the passenger was merely engaged in an activity known as "camera fondling" and was not actually planning to take any pictures without permission. However this form of fondling is well known to quickly lead to pederasty and the permitting of male animals to legally marry each other in civil courts with their hoofs or paws on the Holy Bible and with an American flag not all that far away.

Fearful that this aberrant passenger might actually have more vintage cameras in his carry-on or even packed away in the baggage compartment, feet or even inches from the vulnerable essential systems of the jet, pilots immediately panicked, requesting that air traffic control divert the plane to...well, LaGuardia, where it was headed anyway. Air traffic controllers of course complied.

The pilots, however, made the landing as quick and rough as possible in order to heighten the drama, while responders massed on the ground to quickly close in on the deviant. Passengers were rewarded for the scary landing by being allowed to slide down those cool inflatable slides, which is something many passengers—well, okay, many male passengers—have always secretly wanted to do. The vintage camera collector was forced to lie down on the runway while people kept their distance just in case he had a Minox or a Minolta TC-1 secretly duct-taped to his midriff ready to go off.

Some background for context
The public is reminded yet again that photographers are always up to no good. In 1997 following the tragic death of Princess Diana, everyone became hyper-vigilant about the cult of extremist fanatics known as the paparazzi, who relentlessly hound celebrities to death by chasing them to the point of exhaustion and bad judgement, similar to the way English aristocrats on horseback in cool costumes used to molest foxes. (Photographers of any type may be damned by association to paparazzi, because close enough.) Then after 9/11 it became known that anyone photographing the outside of any building or any other feature of our national infrastructure, no matter how remote or insignificant, were secretly planning to blow it up. In response, bored security guards were given carte blanche to harass said terrorists until they went away. These miscreants are often cunningly disguised as tourists and are often seen with camera backpacks or camera bags that probably contain bombs. One telltale is that these "photographers" are constantly seen with different bags. Why? It is believed to be because the old ones were used in the commission of crimes—why else would anyone need so many different bags?*** Finally, anyone taking any picture with a child visible in any part of the image can automatically be deemed a predatory pedophile even in the absence of other evidence. And so forth. 

Torches and pitchforks Dept.
Disappointingly, although the vintage camera collector was detained, he could not be executed or even imprisoned, for the very inconvenient reason that he had not actually broken any, well, you know, laws. But he was definitely stressed out and shamed, which should make him think twice the next time he settles down with a three-quarters-full bottle of cheap Chardonnay and opens up eBay on his browser instead of going to bed.

However, support among the passengers for the heroic actions of everyone involved, from the Governor of New York (who Tweeted soothingly to calm the populace [seriously, she did]), to the police, the fire crews, airport authorities, pilots, cabin crew, and the lady who sounded the alarums, was strong. Some passenger comments in the aftermath:

"You just never know when you're going to be trapped on a flight with one of these freaks. Why can't he just collect guns like everyone else?"

"This was a close one, and I agree with the decisions made. He should be taking pictures with his phone like a normal person."

"Honestly, taking out a camera and fondling it in public? What did he expect would happen? Certain things, like picking your nose or doing Elaine Benes dancing in your undies, you should do in the privacy of your own home."

"I guess this turned out to be just precautionary. But the slide was great. They should let us get off the plane like that every time."

"I was trapped in a window seat next to a Leica collector once, so I know what she was going through. At least she realized she could get an emergency landing and a super-quick deplaning out of it. I wish I had known that."

"You just dread the day when your slightly odd eight-year-old says something like, 'Daddy, what's a view camera?' Your heart just sinks."

In the end, everything was fine. Fox5 News New York got a really alarming news segment out of it to agitate the public with the unimportant half of a story, another photographer was harassed for God and country, and all the survivors had quite an exciting story to tell when they got home, without ever actually having been in any danger.

The advice for air travelers is clear: if you're on a plane and you see someone taking out an old camera, don't think. Scream.

Mike

Disclaimer: I have seen no report yet about what camera(s) the passenger actually had.

*Satire Alert. I was especially miffed by PetaPixel's headline, "Man’s Vintage Camera Mistaken for Bomb, Causes Emergency Landing," the syntax of which clearly implies that it was the man's vintage camera that caused the emergency landing. Whose side are they on?! The asinine woman jumping to completely incorrect conclusions and sounding a false alarm caused the emergency landing, not the poor fellow's vintage camera!

**Re the title: My grandmother, born 1901, used to call a funny story "a scream."

***I was going to link to that amazing video called "Bag World (with Dr. David Alan Harvey, Professor of Bagology)" showing the famous Magnum photographer rummaging through his absolutely vast collection of old camera bags. Sadly for photo-geek culture, that video is no longer available.

Book o' the Week

  Friedlander First Fifty. A very fun little book that gives a tour of the first fifty of Lee Friedlander's books—extra copies of which are apparently stashed all over every floor of his house. By his grandson, who is trying to sell full sets on eBay. This is very enjoyable, but also might be the most unique book about photobooks ever. Who else has published fifty photobooks?

This is a link to Amazon from TOP. The following logo is also a link:

Original contents copyright 2020 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

Christopher Kleihege: "Yes, the alleged satire above follows my train of thought exactly. Like I said, the photographer should have taken Amtrak. Remember the old Dudley Do-Right cartoons with the damsel tied to the tracks?"

Don Parsons: "As a former regional pilot and a current teacher of many of Republic Airways pilots, I find this both funny and alarming. Don't people think any more?"

Daniel M: "At first, I was thinking that you have presented a funny story to entertain us. But, with the link you have posted, I have discovered that it was real, very sadly...."

Dillan: "You never know what you're going to read here! That was great! As an aside, I can just imagine your grandmother as a flapper girl in the 1920s, telling her bestie that she had a funny story to tell. 'Oh Gertie, you have to hear this! It's such a SCREAM!'"

John Krumm: "This morning, after dropping off a car at my auto mechanic, I was walking down a residential street with my still new Fuji X100V, taking the occasional photo of interesting houses. A woman came out of one house, loudly saying, 'excuse me' to get me to stop. She was super concerned because I had taken a photo of her neighbor's house and it had kids inside, apparently. She wanted my full name, which I refused, though I did explain I was a hobby photographer, and she can see some of my neighborhood photos on my website. Two blocks later I was talking to a cop, who had received a 'suspicious person' call from said woman. He asked for my ID and checked for warrants, which surprised me. I was in no mood to argue with a cop, but I know that was wrong. Frankly my whole morning was kind of a mess emotionally after that."

Mani Sitaraman: "From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's news story about the incident. 'The woman was traveling with her husband and children, sitting across the aisle from her spouse, when she spotted another man in her husband’s row scrolling through videos and photos of vintage cameras, sources said.' Life with Mom."

Lee Rust: "I thought you were kidding at first...like a spoof article in The Onion...but no...I looked it up and all the initial news stories were about the threat and the drama and the emergency slides and etc....and then, nothing. 'No further information is available at this time.' it seemed like the 'authorities' were pretty embarrassed and just wanted the story to go away, which it did. Except for here, of course."

Eric Rose: "That lady should be sued by the owner of the camera plus have to pay compensation to all the passengers who were affected by her hysterics. The crew should also be better trained in what is and what is not a bomb. This whole thing just shows how hysterical and unhinged America has become."

scott kirkpatrick: "Two-three days later, it's not news and in several pages of Googling I can't find any further information about who was the photographer or what camera he had. The picture of a TLR was the result of a reporter going to Willoughby-Peerless and asking 'what is a vintage camera?' So not much of a clue. I realize that deep in my Leica bag is an external self-timer. I can imagine the reception I might get if I wound it up in public and let it buzz down to its 'click!' And, at Oren G.'s suggestion, I will never again go out in public with my Pentax Spotmeter in its holster. But why did nothing happen to the lady who caused all the trouble? Neither embarrassment nor education resulting from the moment...."

David Lee: "I hope this woman is added to the no-fly list as soon as possible.

"Years ago in the Denver airport, a TSA guy asked me to take my camera out of my bag so he could inspect it. He started looking at it with that gesture in his face that can only mean 'I won’t get fooled.' He asked me to turn the camera on. I can’t, I said, it’s an old camera, no batteries inside. Then he removed the lens cap and looked through the viewfinder to make sure he could see through the lens (it was a Leica M3). After he convinced himself it was a real camera, he gave it back to me. The funniest thing is that I was one of the pilots in the flight…."

Comments

[Nikhil Ramkarran]

Firstly, that poor man. I hope he recovers from the trauma.

Secondly, I have quite the taste for folders, even have a Certo 6 somewhere. Have to make sure I never take any of them anywhere near the US.

[Robert Roaldi]

Good thing it wasn't a Meccano set.

[Richard Glover]

I took PetaPixel's headline to suggest that it was the mistake that caused the emergency landing, not actually the camera itself.

[Of course. But that's not how it's written is all. --Mike]

[Eolake Stobblehouse]

I despair for humanity! Even if that stupid woman thought a camera was a bomb, why would the flight crew panic?

Eolake

[Pete D]

Oh yes, I was a suspect in a similar way, when entering an empty local park on a rainy day during school hours in order to take cliche pictures of flowers with raindrops. I was obviously seeking to commit illegal acts on the children that weren't there, and so almost all the adults in the park stared at me continuously until I gave up and left.

[Yonatan Katznelson]

It is well known to anyone who follows the news (and B-movies, and even some A-movies), that the real threat to civil society is posed by mathematicians.

Especially mathematicians carrying cameras.

[Chuck Albertson]

Republic is still flying? I thought they'd been scarfed up by Northwest in the late '80s, who were in turn scarfed up by Delta.

[Clifford Gwinn]

Mike..I suggest you do a book of sarcasm/satire. Maybe work on Tuesday and Thursday. Your point hits home. I was shooting at a hometown rodeo when a man in the stands gets up and yells, “I have read about people like you. You’re taking pictures of kids…you prey on children.” I was in the stands with my wife, daughter and granddaughters. Yes, I was taking pictures…of the riders, the bulls, the events and the children watching. I am an elderly gent (73) and the world seems to full of so much of this bull. We aren’t that far from the Salem witch trials are we? Your piece gave me a chuckle so man up Mark Twain and get’er done.

[John Robison]

We film dawgs all have our stories. About a decade ago was taking pictures of my grandkids at a local park with my Olympus Pen F half frame. Some crazy lady, about 60’ish I’d say, threatened to call the police. Whipped out my flip phone and told her that if she didn’t, I would.
Much nicer when the conversation starts with; ‘really, can you still get film for those?’ Happily I have ran into a few of those folks too, both young and old.

[Albert Smith]

I hope this doesn't do for cameras what the shoe bomber did for footwear.

[Gordon Lewis]

As amusing and entertaining as your post is, the true absurdity is that some people are so anxious about terrorism that even something as innocuous as a vintage camera can lead to flights being diverted, weapons being drawn, and underwear being soiled -- all in the interests of "safety and security." It's an extreme but predictable result of people being taught to fear anything they cannot or don't want to understand.

[Jim Meeks]

Did no one think that he had passed through the TSA line and had his carryon luggage x-rayed and possibly examined by hand? What a bunch of dodos!

[Jim Arthur]

If the guy was photobombing another passenger’s iPhone selfie I could understand the flight attendants tackling and restraining him but the emergency landing seems a bit much.

[Fred Haynes]

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry!
Was the woman’s name Karen?
I didn’t see the original story, I have to look for it. I can’t imagine that no member of the crew didn’t ask what the man held? A cellphone or laptop could be rigged up to become something dangerous too!
Did the woman apologize to the man, and the crew, did they apologize?
I know we’re in crazy times, but this story is just too much!
I hope you do a follow-up Mike.

[Robert]

Oh dear, ever increasing madness from both sides of the pond. Are air passengers on stupidity alert?

[Earl Dunbar]

Well dayumm. I’ve been contemplating getting a Moskva 5 folder to satisfy my (portable) 6x9 yearning. (Alas I don’t want to splash out for a vintage Voigtlander Bessa.) … And a folder 6x9 is actually a cheapish way to see if I want to go all the way to a Texas Leica.

I did have visions of fondling the Moskva (or the Texas Leica) the next time I wing my way to Paris. Where would we land in the middle of the Atlantic?

[Mike Ferron]

The whole scenario would make more sense if it was a Nikon flight and someone pulled out a Canon!

[R. Edelman]

Thank you, Mike! I have now been cautioned not to take the Leica M7 out of the camera bag while on board a commercial fight.
By the way, a friend of mine had to disembark a commercial jet via the chutes when the cabin filled with smoke. His advice is to follow the instructions and fold your arms across your chest before going down, lest you get a "chute rash".

[hugh crawford]

Ahem
https://youtu.be/DU_Gd623HJo

I can only imagine the kerfuffle that would ensue had it been one of my olive drab speed graphics.

[Christopher Lane]

Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on in this country?

[MikeR]

A very Dave Barry-esque post.

[That's a pretty big compliment! --Mike]

[Arjun]

Brilliant satire! Thanks for the chuckle!

[Carson Harding]

Notice how all just assume ineffectiveness of the TSA: no one hesitates, thinking, “if it was a bomb, screening would have caught it.”

[Joseph L. Kashi]

The incident is such over-the-top idiocy/paranoia that I initially thought you were engaging in too-obvious satire, until I took a look at the Fox clip.

Of course, Fox never bothered to mention, hours afterwards, that it was an old camera, not a bomb, and that the passenger and cabin crew grossly over-reacted.

One can tell that the Fox News clip was done much later because clip on Petapixel shows the passenger spread-eagled on the ground in broad daylight while the Fox report was obviously done many hours later in complete darkness.

The Fox reporter was speaking so urgently and breathlessly on camera that I thought she was going to pass out from hypoxia. It's yellow journalism, not news.

[Peter Croft]

I saw this news item and boggled. What was wrong with that woman?? Why couldn't the flight attendants have just spoken nicely to the camera owner and asked him to show them his love object, which I'm certain he would have done. What was the captain thinking?

I have the feeling this was a blown-up exaggerated news report by a reporter who wanted to impress his boss for once.

As for the poor camera owner, I would be shouting lawsuit! from the control tower. He has multiple reasons to take legal action against the airline and the female passenger. Hmm, female, yeah.

[Anton Wilhelm Stolzing]

How can such a pretty camera cause such an uproar? Sigh!

[Dave Stewart]

Will have to be more careful when I use the (older than me) Zeiss Ikon Super Ikonta IV folder, with its similar appearance, to the unknowing. Though in my experience, it's tended to attract curiosity and amusement to others that think it's quaint and not likely to work. Ha! Little do they know.

[Dan]

It’s a folding camera, but could it have been folded into a thermonuclear weapon? We don’t know what kind of folding technology “they” have.

Thankfully the thin blue line of the TSA was there to protect our free-dumbs

[Simon Griffee]

LOL!

[Andrew Kochanowski]

So this poor guy was sitting next to a Karen, minding his own business and ended up cuffed and detained for hours before the authorities determined he had "committed no crime." What "crime" could he have committed by lawfully bringing on board a harmless object? How long would it have taken to decide that an old camera wasn't a bomb? It took hours for the TSA and the feds who were detaining him to come up with some story that didn't make everyone look like a fool.

If I was the poor guy, I would haul the Karen, the flight attendants, the airline, and the TSA/feds into court for the harm to his reputation and seek punitives. He needs a good lawyer.

Peta Pixel is a rag for running that story the way it did.

[Michel Hardy-Vallée]

The most offensive part of the story is how they keep referring to an "antique" camera.

What if it was just a Minolta Maxxum 7000? It's scary, yes, but is it antique yet?

[Crabby Umbo]

Lest we forget, Certo 6 is one of the really fine folders! It weren't no Seagull 203!

[Peter Komar]

Wow, quite the story. I guess the over excited passenger really took it to heart “if you see something say something”. I’m not picking on her but seriously I could have been that camera guy in fact I own a folding medium format camera, the AGFA ISOLETTE a true gem. Here’s something to keep in mind it’s entirely possible to move satellites in orbit with your smartphone or iPad. I would have also been reading the camera instructions to pass the time on a flight, just sayin.

[Giovanni Maggiora]

Thank you Mike for this extra-witty post. It will stand through the centuries.
On the substance of the story, one must weep after the initial laugh...
What have we gotten to?
I guess my Tri-X photo of a toddler taken between two plane seat backs some twenty-five years ago on a NY-LA flight would today seriously land me in jail?

[Not THAT Ross Cameron]

But if, on the other hand, he pulled out a D6 with a behemoth f2.8 zoom…

[Robert Roaldi]

Thanks for the link to the FOX "report". Seriously, how do they keep their broadcast license?

[Christopher May]

Part of me wonders if he was using a Folmer and Schwing No. 0 Graphic. That thing looks like a camera that started life as a detonator...

[Al C.]

I am guessing playing around in public with my dad's Minox B would be a no-no.

[KeithB]

I had the TSA pull aside my 150-600mm lens for an inspection. However, it was because the officer was a camera guy and wanted to take a look at the lens!

[darlene]

The woman was definitely a flake, but what excuses *all* the flight crew?

[robert e]

@Christopher Kleihege: Amtrak? I assume that's more satire:

https://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/28/nyregion/28about.html

[Henning]

Yesterday I was showing some old scanned shots from 1972, of the Canada-Russia hockey series. I had taken those shots, from fairly high in the stands, with a Leica M4, Visoflex III and 400/6.8 lens.

I can just imagine what might happen if I would be able to somehow smuggle such a camera/lens into a sports arena now and start swinging it around. I still have that lens, and also the 560. I'll be very careful now how I deploy them.

As a side note, one of my friends informed me that the camera on the plane had been a Canon F1. Maybe he had a motor drive on it and had tried it out :-).

[Bill Tyler]

About the paparazzi and Diana: it's always bugged me that the death was always portrayed as some guys on motorbikes behaving so badly that a large Mercedes crashed. No mention that the driver had been drinking (see https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/special/politics97/diana/driver.html for one reference, finding him three times over the legal limit in France), and no sanity check on the relative threat posed by a Mercedes to a motorcycle versus the threat of a motorcycle to a Mercedes. I agree that the paparazzi are offensive. They should never have taken the amount of blame they got.

[Herman Krieger]

Beware of lurking photographers.

[c.d.embrey]

Hi John Krumm. We all work differenty. Most of my work is shot in a studio, but sometimes I shoot in the street. I'm surrounded by thousands of dollars of Profoto lighting. If Miz BussyBody wants a cop, I usually hired a Motorcycle Officer, so that I can have a tripod and lights in the curb lane. Also as part of the permit process, I can request that the area be posted as No Parking. Permits are worth the time money, in saved aggravation.

If she show up in my studio, I'll use the no trespassing laws to have her removed.

[Bill Tyler]

Well, I just now realized the true cluelessness described by David Lee. It slid right past me on first reading. The TSA guy looked through the viewfinder of David's Leica M3 after taking off the lens cap, and was satisfied when he saw an image. It's probably a good thing that he didn't try the same test with the lens cap on.....