Open Mike Update

 

Lulu

Thank you to the pet lovers for your commiseration and sympathy. I'm happy to report that Lulu had an unusually good day yesterday—no accidents, and she was moving well. (Her decline has been punctuated by these temporary rallies.) She spent a lot of time outdoors—it was summery and sunny—and a lot of time indoors sleeping peacefully. She ate all her food and had a clean poop—on the grass, thank you Lord—late in the evening (10 p.m.) so I didn't have to worry about getting up in the middle of the night to take her out. I got a longer than usual night's sleep, which I feel like I needed.

Lulu has taught me a lot about dogs.

She's more pack-oriented than most pets, not reflexively friendly to other humans like many other pet breeds. But very owner-centric and very loyal to me, and to Xander while he lived with us, always watching out for us and checking up on us. She was "fixed" before she could become a mother, but I always felt she would have been a good mother.

When she was younger, we used to go to a huge park in Wisconsin—although it's in a city of 73,000, the whole park is two-thirds the size of Central Park in New York City, with no less than 19 acres of fenced dog exercise areas. At any given time there might be 15 to 50 dogs present, all running free. One thing I noticed that whenever there was a fight or altercation, Lulu would race toward it and insert herself in the middle of it. I developed this amusing rap about how she didn't want to fight, she just wanted to in the middle of the action.

But that was wrong. I wasn't observing closely enough. It was later explained to me that Lulu would be a high-ranking female in a pack, and one of the jobs of the high-ranking females is to break up fights within the pack so they don't escalate and cause real damage—pack members wounding each other would compromise the strength of a pack as a whole. Sure enough, when I watched more closely, what Lulu was always doing around fights was defusing and de-escalating them. She would distract the attention of the dogs doing the fighting, or insert herself between them. She even had this slick little move where she would turn her body and hip-check the shoulder of an angry dog such that it would literally be knocked in a different direction and turned away from the object of its anger. Once I figured out what was going on I saw her do this dozens of times. Dogs aren't much at holding grudges, so these altercations were usually over as quickly as they began. As soon as things calmed down, Lulu would leave the scene and come placidly trotting back to me.

She also helped me learn that many times when one dog snarls and snaps at another one, often the dog that appears to be the aggressive one is actually the one that's under control. The other dog—usually a young one—is out of control or not acting appropriately (for a canine definition of appropriate), and the more stable dog is simply correcting them.

In most cases when there are incidents with dogs, it's an owner problem, not a dog problem. The dogs know how to work things out between themselves. But you never know how the human is going to react.

Not that Lulu didn't have her own tricks. One of the funniest was that when another dog was chasing a tennis ball its owner had thrown for it, Lulu, who was never a very fast runner, would be chugging along determinedly just behind the lead dog. As the dog reached its ball and was about to grab it in its jaws, Lulu would let out a furious snarling roar, and the poor retrieving dog would be so startled that it would leap forward and keep running, leaving its ball untouched. By the time it was able to turn to see where all that alarming noise had come from, Lulu had neatly snatched the ball and was happily trotting back to me with it. I had to apologize to lots of owners for this trick of hers, as I returned their balls to them.

When Butters came to live with us, I saw her try that trick on him repeatedly. But he's so ball-obsessed that he never once fell for it. She tried and tried, but it never worked on him, so eventually she gave up. So that she could get the ball occasionally, I would pretend to throw the ball in one direction to fake Butters out, then throw it in a different direction so Lulu could go get it. As long as she had it, he would stalk her, intently, waiting patiently for her to drop it. As soon as she did, he would swoop in and grab it. Lulu was never a natural retriever; it was a learned habit for her, not an activity she was ever very fond of.

Lulu also taught me a thing or two about myself. Once when Xander was in seventh grade, I left a sick Lulu in the car for way too long (it was cold out, so dangerous heat wasn't an issue) and came out to find she had had diarrhea in the car all over the cloth seats. It was so bad I honestly thought it might total the car! I thought I might never get the smell out.Fortunately I had a large plastic leaf-bag in the trunk to sit on for the drive home. I never hit her, but, isolated in the car, I was so enraged I screamed like madman for half the drive home.

The next day I took the car to Ziebart for an interior cleaning, and they did an amazing job—once the smell of the cleaning fluid faded, the car was as good as new.

But my own behavior troubled me. Reflecting on it later, I came to realize the incident was really my own fault. I knew Lulu was sick and I knew I needed to get her home. I got distracted and left her in the car way too long. That was on me, not her. Moreover, I was embarrassed by my reaction. I didn't lose my temper often, not even every year, but it happened occasionally. After that incident, though, I decided that it was simply an immature indulgence that I had tolerated in myself for way too long. It was childish behavior that in a full grown man can be scary to other people—and to dogs—the poor girl!

I ended up deciding that I was going to stop losing my temper. That was 16 years ago, and from that day to this, I have never lost my temper again. I won't say I don't feel rage once in a while, but I acknowledge it to myself in silence. I no longer act it out like an overgrown two-year-old. So that's a life lesson Lulu was there to help me learn.

When she had to get her TPLO operation, I had some hard lessons to learn too. I spent $2,700 of the $5,000 I had in the bank at the time—on a dog that had been "free"! And I had to care for her constantly during the 10-week recovery period, changing her bandages frequently and wrapping her leg with ice. I remember thinking at the time that it was very difficult and arduous but now I remember almost nothing about it. What that taught me was that all things pass, and nothing seems as bad after it's over as it seems when you're going through it.

The truth is, I could enumerate many things Lulu either taught me, or that I learned with her help or simply with her by my side—many things about dogs and their behavior, and a few things about myself and human behavior, too.

Now, she's helping remind me about patience and compassion. And loyalty.

And gratitude.

Mike

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The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. "Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence." A tough slog of a read, but full of revelations. And it reviews many strategies, both conventional and alternative, toward relief and healing.

This is a link to Amazon from TOP. The following logo is also a link:

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Comments

[Andrew Lamb]

Dogs can teach us a lot. I hope I’m smart enough to learn.

Wishing you all the best with Lulu.

[Fred Haynes]

I’ve never owned a dog, I like dogs, but never considered myself a ‘dog lover’. This post was very moving, and beautifully written.
I never met Lulu, but when she goes, I will miss her. And I already know how you will feel.
Fred

[Patrick Murphy]

I was getting all misty eyed, and I’m not even a dog person. I loved the attention you gave to Lulu and her behavior, and the lessons you learned. But most of all it was your writing. Far beyond photography, snooker, diets and even watches ,.. you are a Writer, able to bring out the essence of a subject in a way that makes it interesting to persons not familiar with the subject. Or even persons who prefer cats over dogs .

[Andy K]

My dog just turned 12 and is perceptibly slowing down. He's a pug, survived three little cancers and what have you in the first few years. It's a little heartbreaking to think ahead. Each day is wonderful with my little guy.

[Marcelo Guarini]

Sorry to hear what you're going through with Lulu Mike, yes it is sad. I have a rodesian ridgeback that is going down the hill to, gettin older and weaker.

[Rob de Loe]

Thanks for sharing Mike. It's going to be hard, and sad. I have a little dog sleeping near me as I type this, and I can't help but think that when the time comes to do the things that come from the hard choices, it will fall to me. That thought is always lurking around in the background. I let it surface when I get impatient with her stubborn little self. All the best.

[Stan B.]

Yup, they do learn ya a thing or two...

[Bill Pierce]

Mike -
Like you, we have an elderly dog who is losing the ability to walk and requires a lot of attention. The care to slow down and deal with the problems of old age has been extensive. But that’s my buddy, my friend, my playmate, my companion. We’ll be together until the pain exceeds the happiness. Thankfully, he is not afraid of death the way we humans are. 90 pounds and he will fall asleep forever in my arms getting a great big hug and probably licking my face. I know Lulu will go to dog heaven knowing you loved her. Bless her.

[David Elesh]

Your recollections of your life with Lulu and what she taught you remind me of one of my dogs, a shelty named Toby. There is a park near where I used to live in Merion Station, PA. It wasn't a dog park, but a number of us dog owners took over part of it for our dogs and ourselves. In that section of the park dog could play and run about unleashed while the owners, men and women shared recipes, occasional homemade treats, played musical instruments, and just talked. Toby, like Lulu, would not tolerate fighting dogs and would jump between them. Oddly and wonderfully, the dogs always stopped fighting and they never went after Toby. Togy was a large shelty but some of the dogs he separated were quite a bit bigger.

[Jim K]

Mike,

That's an excellent observation about Lulu and the 'getting in the middle of it' with regards to altercations. In addition, having raised retrievers for years--I'd warn that when dogs are fighting for real, you have to be extremely concerned when it's the girls doing it (they go at it for keeps). And don't stick your hand into a dog fight!

Your stories mirror so many of mine. Ignoring the urgency of a dog that's not feeling well usually has bad and smelly consequences. When people question me about whether to spend money on a purebred vs getting a shelter dog--I tell them it doesn't matter--the cost of dog ownership is much higher than any initial costs. If you're not prepared for it, it'll come as a shock.

I'm glad that you and Lulu are having some good days this fall. Saying goodbye is hard and you've had too much of that already this year.

[Graeme Scott]

Two things.

I'm delighted to hear that Lulu had a good day.

&

That was a wonderful piece of writing, the best part of my day.

Thank you.

[Gene Forsythe]

All my prayers for you and your girl. It's never easy to make a final decision and after nearly 60 years of German Shepherd and mixed breed rescues the one thing I know is that each time the decision is more difficult and seems to take a bigger piece of your heart away. I will say this; you seem to be a good person, and you will make the best decision for her. She won't be able to thank you for it, but when the time comes it will be the one that breaks your heart. Afterwards, there WILL be a time when the sunsets and sunrises are no longer sad and they will remind you of happier times and fun memories. My best wishes for you.

[Stephen McCullough]

Hi Mike

Lulu is clearly very good at being a dog, and equally good at loving. As are you.

[Peter]

You are both lucky to have each other, Mike. Go easy on yourself in the days and weeks ahead.

[Dogman]

Dogs are wise. They will teach you stuff if you let them.

[Stuart Dootson]

Sorry to hear that Lulu’s not great, Mike - we saw our old Mollie (she was 19 - I’ll class that as old) go through a similar downward slide last year, resulting in her leaving us in June, coincidentally, the day after our new dog, Bobby, was born…

He’s not a replacement for her (how could he replace her - no dog could have replaced her calm, stolid caring nature), but he stops the empty feeling in the house. And our relationship with him grows and develops every day… he’s still a pup, but in many ways he’s already got the loyalty to us that Moll always had, but without the damage she’d suffered before she came to us…