Getting Up and Getting Out (OT)

The other morning, talking about my weekly pool group, I wrote, "This group taught me what I think is an essential trick for dealing with old age."

The "trick"? Regularly scheduled daily activities with friends.

This might seem as obvious as sunshine to some of you, but it wasn't to me at first. It wasn't the way I did things. I had never organized my life that way. With me, everything was always open-ended, provisional, negotiable...and always irregular, never regular.

Five years ago or so, my friend Jerry invited me to join his pool group. They met every Monday morning at 10:00 at the Moose Lodge, played for two hours, then went to lunch together. The winner got a buck from everybody else and got to choose where we ate—as long as it was McDonald's, on account of Lyle liked McDonald's. (Lyle left us a couple of years ago, at age 93. At least he missed COVID. They tore down the old McDonald's.)

My first thoughts in response to Jerry's invitation were: every week? What if we feel like playing an extra half hour? Don't we ever reschedule?

Nope. Same time every week, and we break by noon. And if you walked through the door at the Moose at 10:03, Loyle (yep, we had both a Lyle and a Loyle) would greet you with, "Well good afternoon! Nice of you to join us!" We typically had five guys so if one had to miss a week we could still muster two teams of two.

Loyle (now 92) and Norm (now 96) are both widowers, and, the way I heard it, the wife of one or the other of them made a request before she departed: don't just sit around the house by yourself watching TV after I'm gone. Get up, get dressed, and get out. Go do something with friends every day.

So they do. Pool one day, bridge another, a weekly dinner with just the two of them at the Moose, golf twice a week with a whole big group in the Summertime. Regular standing dates, same thing every week. It gets you up and out, gives you some regular contact with people, and lends your days and your weeks some structure.

Well, it seemed foreign to me at first, but it wasn't long before Monday morning pool was one of the highlights of my week. I loved it. Still do...even though I apparently never win any more: Dan won last week, Jerry the week before that, and Loyle the week before that. I'm supposedly the best shooter, but you wouldn't know it.

Of course, COVID-19 kinda put the kibosh on a lot of this—although we're back to playing pool, at my house now. And Norm finally got too old for golf, after a number of years of scoring below his age multiple times every year. But still, the principle is sound. If I ever retire, that's going to be one of my goals: one regularly scheduled activity a day, with friends. Week-in, week-out.

I've got the concept down now, thanks to the guys in Penn Yan.

—Mike

Book o' the Week

There and Back: Photographs from the Edge by Jimmy Chin (available for preorder). "Filmmaker, photographer, and world-class mountaineer Jimmy Chin goes where few can follow to capture stunning images in death-defying situations. There and Back draws from his breathtaking portfolio of photographs, captured over twenty years during cutting-edge expeditions on all seven continents—from skiing Mount Everest, to an unsupported traverse of Tibet's Chang Tang Plateau on foot, to first ascents in Chad’s Ennedi Desert and Antarctica’s Queen Maud Land."

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Original contents copyright 2020 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

Kristine Hinrichs: "I agree! In retirement we have our Monday hiking group, Saturday photographer group, Sunday walking (used to be running) group, etc.

"When I retired, I decided that the key to a successful retirement is to continue (with purpose) to make new friends—and a big bonus if they’re younger. We have friends who are having their first children, gone to weddings of thirty-somethings (as their friends, not their parents’), been asked for job advice, etc. I think that you have to be purposeful about this—always pushing out. Otherwise, the natural course of things is for our world to get smaller and smaller as our same-age friends pass away or become less mobile."

Mike replies: My great-aunt Dickie, who died two months short of 102, did the same thing—she deliberately sought out younger friends (which led to new experiences—she took her first ride on the back of a Harley in her nineties) and even read People magazine cover-to-cover so she'd know who younger people were talking about. One of her activities was exercise class, which she did until her mid-nineties (if memory serves).

Anders Holt: "Dear Mike, I love your blog, have read it for at least the last eight years, and am a patron. I also love your book recommendations—although it makes my book shelf shrink more and more.... So, to continue the shrinking, could you use affiliate links from The Book Depository and not only Amazon and B&H? Those have so very expensive shipping cost! This book There and Back costs $14 for shipping to Norway, while The Book Depository has free shipping and lower prices. So since I like my shelf shrinking still, I feel compelled to save $20 and buy from The Book Depository and not Amazon. But I would like for you to get the affiliate cut, so if possible maybe you could establish an affiliate account from them too? All the best!"

Mike replies: Thank Anders—I am a Book Depository affiliate. Here's There and Back at The Book Depository.

Gavin Paterson: "Golf, nine holes, every Thursday, 9:00 a.m., same retired guys—terrific, better for mental health than any combination of pills!"

Michael Fewster: "Total agreement. For me it is tennis. Not every day but four times a week.Two of those days are competitive with a pool of about a dozen friends. One session is with a bloke I coach. One session is with another player where we just practice. I'm 78 and I still work on improving my technique and my shots do continue to improve. But you have to study and work at it."

Mike replies: One thing I've noticed is that Loyle (92) has gotten a lot better at pool since I started playing with him. And he only plays the one time a week...most of his improvement has been mental. He watches and learns and thinks.

James: "What a great investment your pool room has tuned out to be! I am actually smiling thinking about your 'gang' calling you 'young 'un' or 'whippersnapper.' Do they ruffle your hair and say 'Never mind kid' when you fluff a shot?"

Mike replies: I am the youngest at the moment, it's true. But I don't pull age on them so they don't pull age on me.  :-)

Peter Wright: "I think this is very true and not much understood. My wife and I (now in our early 70s) are Catholics, and I used to wonder why some people would go to mass every day. However, when COVID restrictions were lifted sufficiently to allow the Church to re-open, we started going daily. I’m surprised just how much I get from it. The same people tend to be the ‘regulars’ so we get to meet our friends, spend some quiet time, and acknowledge a power greater than ourselves. It’s a great way to start each day!"

Albert Smith: "One factor that comes up in every article on longevity and mental health is to be connected to others. The people that pass the expected life span age are socially active with other people. This is a bit of a downer for me. I eat well, exercise, and watch all of the potential negative factors like weight and blood pressure, but I'm a loner, preferring solitude. I might be the only guy in America who never joined Facebook or any other social media platform. I guess I might live to an old age with my body, but my mind might be mush. Keep making your group meet-ups. It's good for you."

Mike replies: Actually, I think "regularly scheduled daily activities with friends" is a perfect strategy for those who are like you. Note that it doesn't have to be a social activity, necessarily; you could volunteer or tutor, or attend a 12-stepper meeting or a cooking class. Or, taking a cue from Peter and his wife, attend a church service or two every week. My friend Jerry created his own activity—for years he assigned himself to videotape local lectures and presentations, and gave DVDs to the relevant institutions and libraries in the area. But obviously it got him out to many of the lectures and presentations! There are all sorts of possibilities when you start looking for them.

Mike Cawley: "Bowling league. First week, 200 strangers. After 33rd week? Two hundred friends."

Michael J. Perini: "Re: Getting up and getting out…it is sort of great universal advice for people of all ages. Human contact is very good for us. Scheduling is the key because if you don’t, it is easy to have a month slip by—especially in winter.

"The other one is physical activity with hands heart and brain. Get a project, even a mundane one around the house is very helpful, plus every time you walk past it you get a little boost from having made your environment better.

"Creative endeavors are especially good for us, but like most things, the greatest inertia opposes the earliest steps.

"The other idea I use on myself is 'what will I accomplish today.' I find that enforcing the daily nature of 'moving forward' or ticking off an item of maintenanc , or making a photograph, or helping a friend or family member with something, sets a positive tone for the day. At the end of the week , you’ve done stuff to make your world a little better.

"And lastly, learn something new, or teach something—it’s like Medicine.

"This is an important topic for all of us; thank you for steering us in the right direction."

Henning Wulff: "About 30 years ago a good friend, Tom Abrahamsson, started a Friday morning breakfast/coffee get-together with whomever wanted to and could come. It was photography-based (Tom designed and produced the Rapidwinder, an improved Leicavit), gravitating to Leicas as that was Tom's main passion and work focus, but encompassing all other photographic areas and many areas beyond.

"At first it was mainly Tom and his good friend Chris and, as I had two jobs, very occasionally myself. Others would come and go as time and inclination dictated, including many from all over the world, as Tom had friends everywhere and sold his Rapidwinder to journalists all over, including many Magnum photographers. By the early 2000s, after Tom was diagnosed with cancer, I told everyone who hired me that I would only be available for work Friday mornings under the most urgent circumstances and I showed up at Cafe Zen regularly. Breakfast often lasted until 11 a.m. After Tom's passing a couple of years ago, we kept up the tradition.

"Now, every Friday morning we Zoom, with between six and 14 people showing up. Conversations are still photo based; possibly even more so. Brand of camera is totally unimportant. We might not have the in-person camaraderie anymore, but now we can show pictures much more easily. With screen sharing we each usually show between four and 30 photos. Street photos, work photos, family photos, vacation photos...whatever. Maybe from the last week, maybe from over a hundred years ago (my grandfather produced a variety of photos over his whole life).

"Another great thing about Zoom is that we now have regular visitors who would formerly only rarely drop in. Most of us are of course based in Vancouver, but I'm now often on Vancouver Island, one person is either in Phoenix or Point Roberts (just south of Vancouver on a little Washington State peninsula), one person who used to work in Beijing is now based in Oxford, England, one is in Hong Kong, one in Berlin etc.

"I should also mention that I know that some other readers of this blog have been visitors to Cafe Zen at times. I would be happy to hear from them if they might like to Zen Zoom sometime."

Comments

[Stelios]

Isn't that a way of dealing with life in general?

[Kirk]

Why start this process of mindful daily habits and socialization only in "old age?" I've been swimming nearly every morning (six days a week) with a dedicated group of masters swimmers now for nearly 30 years. That means I got back into the habit of swimming with a daily purpose back when I was 35. We meet after workout for coffee on Saturdays. Have had back yard get togethers during Covid and have kept up with each other and checked in with those who went missing early on. These habits are stronger the earlier you start with them. And the support from friends with 10,20 and 30 years of history is strong and amazing. This should not be a strategy for "old age" but a practice for continually living a full and happy life.

[As I stated, "This might seem as obvious as sunshine to some of you...." --Mike]

[Kenneth Tanaka]

To each his/her own. Personally, I'd have to be sentenced by a judge to attend a regular event like a camera club, hiking club, etc. And even then I'd seriously consider prison as a viable alternative. But I'm not really a very social person and such forced interactions would certainly shorten my life (or lead to joining a federal relocation program). To twist the lyrics from an old Streisand tune people who need people are in deep poo during a pandemic.

Still, I do understand the value of such skin time for most people. All the pop research tells us this is true. Still, I'm glad to see this entry in your personal journal, Mike. Too bad you don't make any pictures during your pool matches.

[Dan Khong]

I think mixing up with younger people does a lot of good in energizing me and giving me fresh ideas of what to do with life.

[Richard Parkin]

Mike, you wrote “ I am a Book Depository affiliate”. But it’s not in your list at “Purchases through TOP”!

[That's because there's no general link. I have to build links to each specific book. --Mike]

[Sean]

The socially anxious person will find this advice familiar and understand the benefits, even long for them, but they are checked by their trait. Try to encourage such a person by offering them a one on one encounter to begin with. Even if the encounters remain that way, it could make a real difference to their lives

[Anders Holt]

Thank you Mike!
Bought from Book Depository :-)

Anders

[Gerard Geradts]

Kenneth Tanaka said it much better than I could have had.
Though I am not so sure about the prison-equation, but I assume it was a poetic liberty from his part :)

[David Dyer-Bennet]

How would I ever get anything done? I have nothing like that level of energy! Doing more than 1 or 2 things in a day tends to kill any energy for any other activities.

Even back in my energetic 20s I don't think I had scheduled things more than a couple a week; and most of the important things were one-shot, not repeating.