Happy Gratitude Day

Happy Thanksgiving! It's celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the USA (Brazil too), and that's today.

This month marked the 400th anniversary of the arrival of the Separatists (later called pilgrims) to New England. I didn't see any fuss at all being made over the occasion. Possibly because we were all too busy fighting over the elections? Or, it may be because European hegemony is beginning to feel uncomfortable as an object of veneration. The real significance of the Pilgrims, however, may just be that they were a key group in a diaspora. When a small group of emigrants settles in a new area, the area tends to become populated disproportionately with their descendants. Estimates of the number of present-day Americans who are descended from that tiny band of 102 pilgrims, half of whom perished that first terrible Winter (they set out on their journey, after a number of setbacks and delays, tragically late in the season), range from five to 15 million; and estimates of the number of their descendants worldwide run as high as 35 million.

I wanted to talk briefly about gratitude today, since this is the day of Thanks. I'll be thinking of better Thanksgivings today, but also feeling grateful. I've been working for the past two years or so on being happier...I'd like to feel more content from day to day, and learn to travel through my days with an easier step and a lighter heart. It has worked beyond my wildest dreams. It's not like I'm working at it very hard or very consistently; but even a little effort appears to be enough to see results. "We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him," wrote Bill Wilson, and that's been true for me.

Gratitude is absolutely a key component in a practical spiritual toolkit. For one thing, it's the antidote to self-pity. The two are incompatible feelings; you can't be grateful and self-pitying at the same time—the two won't arise together and seldom co-exist. Since self-pity is one of the main causes of our unhappiness and discontent—one of the main pathways by which self-will, ego and greed poison our attitudes—knowing of an antidote is powerful. Whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself, or put-upon because things aren't going my way; or when the idea that I'm the one who knows best is festering in my mind; or I'm feeling dismissive or intolerant of others (because this is one of the guises self-pity and self-will often takes), or I'm just feeling grouchy because nothing ever goes my way—I counter it with gratitude. I turn my thoughts around to everything I have to be grateful for, try to put that negative attitude into its proper perspective. Is what's happening to me so bad? When I think of others who really have problems, much worse than mine, and feel compassion for them—immediately, it right-sizes my own complaints, making them diminish like an ice cube in a bowl of hot water. Instead of counting your complaints, which is our natural human tendency, try counting your blessings instead. It works. We can actually make self-pity evaporate using this mental trick. It pays immediate dividends, instantly improving our mood, attitude, and outlook.

If you want to be hard-headedly practical about it, you can work on gratitude in concrete ways. Try this: before the end of the day today, take a pen in your hand and a blank sheet of paper and scribble down ten things you have to be grateful for. Don't plan out your list in your head first. Don't bother prioritizing. Include big things and little things. Don't make a big deal of it—in fact, don't bother keeping the list past an hour or two. If you have any trouble getting going, start with the basics: my list often starts with I'm alive; I'm sober; I'm not sick; I have a roof over my head / a warm place to sleep; I'm not hungry and so on. Start there and you won't be able to stop at just ten. If your experience is like mine, one or two of the things that pop into your mind unbidden will surprise you.

I have friends who write (actually write, rather than just think about writing) gratitude lists every day. I know three people who take turns texting each other three things they're grateful for first thing every morning. They find it gets their days off on a good footing—it's like getting to the starting line of a good attitude for that day.

When using gratitude as an antidote, the first step is learning to recognize self-pity when it rears its ugly head. It doesn't take much. You get the knack quickly and it gets extremely easy. Once recognized, disinfect it by shining a little gratitude on it. Watch it wither. If you have to struggle with it, so be it—it will still work in the end. But you might also find the process can become so automatic it sometimes takes literally seconds. See if it doesn't improve your mindset and your outlook, and help you get through a day or an hour with an easier step and a lighter heart.

Because, of course, if we're being forthright and practical, every day can be Thanksgiving!

At any rate I hope you have a good day today.

Wishing you and yours the best, on this fine and generous little holiday.

Mike

Original contents copyright 2020 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

Johan Malan: "Good evening Mike. Hope you had a very blessed Thanksgiving. About the origin—Heather Cox has a daily newsletter, and she covered the history in it today. Happy reading!"

John Arlington: "An excellent post. But with regard to the first featured comment, our day of national Thanksgiving did not originate at the time of the Civil War. President George Washington issued a proclamation on Oct. 3, 1789, declaring for 'the People of the United States a day of public thanks-giving' to be held on 'Thursday the 26th day of November,' 1789. Coincidentally, so it was this year, as well."

Gert: "Mike, What a good post. I thank you for it. I put it in my toolkit for life and Life! (If you get my meaning.) Graceful Thanksgiving to you!"

CR: "I would add that this shouldn't come at the cost of ignoring your problems. Just because others 'really have problems' doesn't mean you don't 'really' either. This is especially the case with mental health. If you're depressed, get help; just trying to convince yourself you're fine because others might have it worse, e.g. psychosis, personality disorders, etc., won't help, and you might actually get worse to the point where you do have those problems too."

Doug Vaughn: "Thank you for this post. I think I'm naturally inclined to be a pessimist and I get 'down easily' (my Mom was/is the same way). I have been trying to be more grateful, and it does certainly help to remind myself how lucky we are in so many ways."

Comments

[Kenneth Wajda]

This site always makes me realize how much we have, https://www.gapminder.org/dollar-street/ Happy T-Bird Day, Mike!

[Thomas Walsh]

Mike, your Thanksgiving message on gratitude is wonderful. May God bless and keep you.

[Paul McEvoy]

Thanks for that, Mike.

I dated a very beautiful and kind woman that I think of sometimes now. She could trace her lineage back to the boat that came after the Mayflower. My joke was "I can trace my lineage back to a few almost nameless Irish alcoholics".

I always thought it was a good joke.

[Fred Haynes]

Well said! A great post!

[Jimmy Reina]

The early years of my Grandmother’s life were difficult. As a child, she lost her mother, so it became her responsibility to cook and take care of her siblings. My Grandfather, a scoundrel, emigrated to the US, found work in a coal mine, and later brough her over to run a boarding house in a Coal mining town. For her, the “Land of Opportunity” meant cooking and doing laundry for a group of Coal dusted men in a house with no running water, and coal oil lamps and coal stove as sources of light and heat.

She had four children before,during, and just after WW1, and lost a few more.
It was a life of poverty.

When they moved to a City around 1926, the Scoundrel couldn’t or wouldn’t find regular work, she lived in a community of bootleggers and low level Mafiosi, and then the Depression happened.

Through all of this, her dedication to family fueled a survival instinct that is difficult to imagine.

In her 90s, she owned a two flat building, and my Aunt lived upstairs. On mornings when she came down for Breakfast, she would ask my Grandmother how she slept, and the answer was, “I didn’t sleep very well, but thank God I woke up this morning”.

[MikeR]

Some years ago, (10? 15?), from a Forward in a book the title of which I cannot remember, I gleaned this idea for a nightly exercise:

Think of three good things about today.

Sunny blue skies. Having a good meal. Whatever, big or small.

It helps me keep my head on straight.

[Andy]

Mike,

Happy Thanksgiving.

Be a nice boss: let the whole team have the day off - even the bottle washer.

The odds of me ever being "in the neighbourhood" to pop in and see the new gallery / pool table are vanishingly slim, but I am enjoying the saga.

I assume / trust there's some photo / optical discussion to be had about whether the table will be blue or green and why. (I have excluded the option of red as I trust you will too).

Best,

Andy

[Dogman]

Even though the year 2020 will go down near the top in the List of Suckage, I've been thinking recently of things that don't suck. Or rather things that really are pretty nice and for which we should be thankful this season. Some are personal, some are universal but the fact remains that there is always something good in the worst of times and circumstances. So thanks for reminding us, Mike. I'm thankful you're there to do so.

[Rodger Kingston]

When the COVID-19 pandemic struck, as a long time documentary photographer, I decided to transform it from being an existential threat into an adventure by initiating a pandemic-related photographic project.

I've titled it "Close To Home: Life in Lockdown 2020." It's about daily life with COVID-19 in my neighborhood in Belmont (and sometimes Cambridge and Watertown), Massachusetts. It's surprising how ordinary many of these images seem within this radically changing world I'm in the midst of photographing.

Last Spring my NY publisher, Jordan Scoggans at BD Studios, wrote about what was then my brand new project in his blog at:
https://bd-studios.com/photography-helps-bridge-the-social-distancing-divide/.

See the project currently - still preliminary and unedited, but much farther along, at: https://rpkphoto.smugmug.com/Documentary/Close-To-Home/.

I'm pleased with what I've managed to photograph up to now: put together as the pandemic diminishes in the coming months, properly edited, and with a well thought-out introduction, I think it will make a compelling book. After all, how often does one have the opportunity to live through and document a life-shifting, world-changing event?

[Stephen McCullough]

Hi young man,

Thanks for this. A beautifully presented solution to a common problem.

My one little wish on this American Thanksgiving (I am above your northern border...) is for my American friends to reach a point of strong disagreement being more acceptable, replacing what appears to be a rush to labelling those who disagree with a perspective as enemies.

Peace.

Stephen

[Mike Ferron]

“Recognize self pity.” I would like to add “never be a victim”. We all have challenges and struggles from mild to wild but a victim mindset won’t help a thing. Be safe all.

[Kefyn Moss]

I don't think the turkey's are very thankful...

[Well, I had rice, beans, and peas. And a salad. --Mike]

[Steven Ralser]

Heather Cox Richardson has an interesting article on the history of the thanksgiving holiday. You can find her posts on Facebook ( wednesdays post). It does s keep back to current politics (she is a history professor)

[Benjamin Marks]

Everyone in the family is healthy, we had plenty of food, the house is warm, the cat catches all our mice. Everything else is gravy. Have a good one, Mike.

[Mike Ferron]

I made eggplant Parmesan. Nothing died and if I might add it was an A.

[Steve]

I thank God for many things in my life every day - health, even if I have some days where I'm dealing with pain or illness, God's forgiveness and love, including his son Jesus Christ, the love of my wife, friends and family, having enough to eat every day, a roof over our heads, being born an American citizen, empathy. Every day there are things to be grateful or thankful for - when my job was stressful (I'm retired now) I was thankful that I did still have work I liked and not something that was physically difficult and didn't pay enough to make ends meet. There are always reasons to have gratitude. Good article, Mike.

[Dave Karp]

Thanks Mike.

I have much to be thankful for. That list includes your blog. Thanks for that too.

[Jim Arthur]

A Calvin and Hobbes Thanksgiving.

[JOHN B GILLOOLY]

Great post Mike. And as usual, great timing, and I don't mean posting this on Thanksgiving.

[Michael J. Perini]

Good Advice, well said.

The very Idea of putting just a tiny bit of work into remembering to be Grateful is powerful, life changing, and Free to all.

Keep up the Good Work.........

[Clayton]

There was a story once in Hitchcock magazine about a guy who figured out a way to hear plants responding to pain. He went crazy when he got too close to somebody mowing a lawn. Now, what will you eat?

[Bandbox]

I'm grateful that my wife baked a terrific apple pie for desert on Thanksgiving and that there was some left to have after dinner tonight. But there's still one piece left, and I'd like to finish it off, but I can't because she'll want it tomorrow. So no, I can't have it because I have to be unselfish and show my gratitude by leaving it for her.

If, as you say, every day can be Thanksgiving, why doesn't my wife bake a pie every day so I can have as much as I want? Why is life so unfair?

[Robert Billings]

Thank you very much for this, Mike. I'm going to do my best to practice this.