The Gettysburg Address on the Internet

SA*

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK FOR MORE LIFESTYLE NEWS dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting CARNIVAL CRUISE VACATIONS place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add

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or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.

Super Bowl MVP chugs beer on Jumbotron at Bruins game to the delight of crowd. "Julian Edelman chugging a beer was awesome," Bruins coach Bruce Cassidy said at the end of the game.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this Nationwide is on your side nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

—@realAbrahamLincoln
November 19, 1863

Like 4,275     Dislike 832

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Mike

*Satire Alert

[Ed. Note: The text of the speech used here is that of the Bliss Copy.]

P.S. And then for the next twelve days after reading this, you'll get targeted ads and emails for funeral homes.

Original contents copyright 2019 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site.

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(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

Benjamin Marks: "GOL. "Groan Out Loud" Funny/Queasy. The only tropes you missed were the ubiquitous 'list' ('15 Gettysburg tips that experts want you know'), 'belly fat,' and the trailing headline, 'Gettysburg Experts were astonished by these weird Lincoln habits.' Wait. Maybe only I get "news" stories about belly fat...."

Larry Gebhardt (partial comment): "Those 'Sponsored Stories' blocks are enough to make me stop using the Internet. I can feel myself getting dumber just seeing them on the page."

Bob Keefer: "The problem is, this isn't even remotely satire any longer."

Adam Richardson: "The Gettysburg Address in PowerPoint is old Internet classic, but still good for a laugh."

Comments

[Larry Gebhardt]

Is this a threat of changes to come if we don't up our support pledges?

Those Sponsored Stories blocks are enough to make me stop using the internet. I can feel myself getting dumber just seeing them on the page.

[Ken James]

uh, of course there are exceptions to my positive post of a few days ago . . .

[David Comdico]

Bravo. Nicely done.

[Thomas Walsh]

Fake News.

[toto]

Mike, you write well when your [sic] sober, but you write really well when your [sic] drunk or high :-)

[Christopher May]

"Should you vote for Abraham Lincoln or George McLelland? Take our survey now!"

[Ian]

I seriously suggest you take good hard look at your site. And reflect on where it’s going...

[hugh crawford]

Is this related to tonight’s Met gala?

[Yonatan K]

I've said it in the past, but it bears repeating from time to time: the amount of intelligence in the (human) world is constant and the population is growing.

[NikoJorj]

Oh, sweet, I can now insert an ad for uBlock Origin in the comments !

[Bulent Celasun]

Oh! I just thought your site has been hacked. Thanks god (or, whomever), it isn't.

[Mark Roberts]

There must be something wrong. I didn't get a single pop-up asking me to subscribe.

[Tim Bradshaw]

The Gettysburg Powerpoint Presentation, from what now seems like a better, vanished, time (apologies for the Rush quote): who knew we could fall so fast and so far?

[Paul Braverman]

Wasn’t there a headline next to the picture of Lincoln: “15 Celebrity Plastic Surgery Mistakes.”

[Jim Arthur]

Was this post prompted by Firefox disabling all extensions over the weekend? If so, the bug was fixed via 66.0.4 and I got my update this morning.

Once my adblocking was disabled on Friday I started to see all the intrusive and malicious ads I’d almost forgotten about. I knew the tracking and pervasive surveillance was also unchecked so I dialed back my Internet use and waited for what I assumed would be a Monday update after tracking down a summary of the bug at ghacks.

[hugh crawford]

http://norvig.com/Gettysburg/

[Robert Harshman]

Mikes worst post ever.

[Ed Bacher]

Hi Mike,

You should check out the Powerpoint version: http://norvig.com/Gettysburg/

[Roger]

Which is why I run a pi-hole on my home network https://pi-hole.net/

The difference between viewing a site with and without pi-hole serving up DNS is jarring. And yes, T.O.P is whitelisted.

[Mike Potter]

Thank you for the link to "the Bliss copy"! Thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Bob]

I wanted to laugh but it’s too true to be funny

[Eolake]

ROTFL,

You won’t believe what happens next.

[Barry Reid]

Thanks, your 3d hologram pic is epic Brings old Abe right to life!!! But ... you shoulda colorized him for best effects.

;)

[Rick D]

"Win Pickett's Charge with this one weird trick."

My kid doesn't know a non-Web planet. Whatever we eventually call the post-millenials, they present a profoundly savvy and cynical bunch, and don't seem fond of reading long-form anything not assigned in class. "Is it on YouTube?" Pro tip: Facebook is for grandparents. Somebody tell Zuckerberg.

[Arg]

That was a bit like it has been, for me, reading your blog as a photographer.

;)