Bad PR

At the eye doctor's

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"I don't sign non-disclosure agreements. I'm in
the disclosure business."

—The late photo writer David Vestal

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Last Monday, I had a hole drilled in the iris of my right eye with a laser. Freaked me out. I never like it when people assault the inside of my head.

I probably shouldn't admit this, but I've been having trouble with a certain important business and survival asset: my eyes. To say this is not a smart thing for a photo writer to admit in public is probably an understatement, but, well, I've always tried my best to be honest and up-front with you. Being honest and up-front is not one of those things that you should only do when it suits you.

I would not want to be the subject of widespread attention on this subject. The headline hither and yon on the Web I should probably dread is: "Photo Blogger Going Blind!" People always like to hear about other peoples' misfortunes, especially when there is a measure of irony involved. Becoming known for this problem could kinda take a whack at, you know, my reputation for being able to see well. Ouch.

On June 4th, I go in for a combined partial cornea replacement and cataract operation on my right eye. The cornea portion of the surgery is called a DMEK, which stands for Descemet's membrane endothelial keratoplasty. I have memorized that. Bad eyes seem to run in my family: my grandmother was increasingly blind in the last ten years of her life, and two other close relatives have had significant eye issues (one has had, I think, 11 eye operations.)

Anyway, I have a confession to admit, an admission to confess. I used to have lots of fears as a kid, but as an adult I learned how to cope with them, and I'm not generally a fearful person. So this only gradually dawned on me: That unfamiliar feeling I didn't recognize at first is fear. I'm scared about this.

Not a fun thing to disclose. But I am. I've kinda been having a hard time lately, to be honest.

Henry Walter Barnett, Robert Louis Stevenson in 1893

Keep in the sunlight
So I have to keep reminding myself that my problem is my own attitude. I'm naturally a pessimist and that is not helping me here. I'm worrying, but worry is wasted energy. "Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight," said Benjamin Franklin. What I should keep foremost in mind is that it's possible I could get my eyesight back better than ever. How awesome/brilliant would that be? The prognosis for a DMEK is very good; complications are relatively rare; and while success is never completely assured, the odds are good.

The odds are better for me than they were for Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish author of Kidnapped, Treasure Island*, and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, who was plagued by "weak eyes" for the latter part of his life. Nothing could be done for him. My doctor brother said that everything that happened in succession to our grandmother's eyesight was only about ten years too early to take advantage of the advances in eye care that could have helped her be sighted until her death. The science is even more dynamic now: there have been significant advances in corneal surgery just in the few years I've been procrastinating about having it done, according to my surgeon.

I could swear that Robert Adams once quoted a medieval Pope saying "Sight is the soul's perfect delight," but I can't find the quote. Seeing is my favorite thing, never mind photography—photography is just a subsidiary of seeing. Since my right eye started going bad four or five years ago, and especially since the same troubles are beginning in my still-good left eye, I've taken less and less delight in looking. Now, thanks to the generosity of a donor I'll never know anything about, not to mention modern medicine, I stand a chance of things improving. "My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened," said my friend-I've-never-met Michel de Montaigne. "No self-pity" is a good motto to live by. No sense worrying: whatever happens is God's will, and will be.

My operation is slated for June 4th. (Did I say that already?) The recovery involves boredom, which I dread as well, and takes somewhere between four to 14 days, during which time I'm not allowed to look at screens, or read, or write, or watch video, or do anything else that causes eye movements. So things are going to be a bit different around here in June. I'm scared about that, too, and worrying about it...because that's the nature I'm saddled with. How ironic would it be if the thing that restores my eyesight also wrecks my livelihood? I hope to program posts to go up every day, but I need to get to work on that.

Positive attitude—positive attitude! Even when it goes against your nature. It makes all the difference.

Mike

*If you read Kidnapped or Treasure Island, be sure you read the Scribner's editions with N.C. Wyeth's illustrations. You must.  :-)  Go to Abebooks and enter the author and title, put "Scribner's Illustrated Classics" on the "Keyword" line, and look for the hardcover. It was in print at least from 1911 until the deluxe limited reprint in 1981, so there are great shoals of them out there.

Original contents copyright 2019 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site.

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(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

David Miller: "If you insist upon throwing around quotations by Ben Franklin, Michel de Montainge, and non-specific medieval Popes, I can only respond (and perhaps reinforce) with a quotation from the medieval anchoress Julian of Norwich: "All shall be well." The medical and technological stars appear to be well-aligned. As for any fears you may have for the health of The Online Photographer during your convalescence, be assured that your faithful flock of followers will await your return to the helm with serene patience and an abundance of good wishes."

Comments

[Patrick Dodds]

Good luck Mike and take your time - your readership isn't going anywhere.

[Yoram Nevo]

Hi Mike -
Just go for it. Cataract operations are getting more complicated as you get older. My mother waited almost 20 years before she did it at age 85. Luckily it went well and she could see her family again. But if she would done it sooner it would be much much easier, and she would have enjoyed many years of better eye sight.

[Gerry O'Brien]

Mike, best wishes for a successful surgery and a very speedy recovery!

[Mike Ferron]

Mike I don't blame you for being a bit scared but as others have said I am sure things will work out just fine.

Years ago working in a commercial building I had to break off a long self tapping screw that was holding down roof decking and protruding right where the wall we were building was to be located. Not an uncommon thing.

I gave said screw a whack with the hammer and as it broke I felt as though I was punched in the eye. I felt fortunate that I was able to get my eye closed in time so the bolt did not touch the eyeball. Well it did hit the eyeball and later that day I was in the ER getting a small circle of metal dust scraped from my eye. Lucky for me the dull broken end hit my eye not the sharp drill point end.

Motto to my story is folks protect your eyes. Running any power equipment at all? wear goggles even when doing yard maintenance.

PS. You worry about losing us readers? Like where would we go? Best of luck with it all Mike.

[Jim Arthur]

Fear can really knock the pins out from under a fellow but it sounds like you’ve done your research which is always a good first step. It’s a little harder to fear something you understand.

Maybe you should tape an image to your monitor (and phone?) as a physical barrier/visual reminder to not sit down at the computer once the surgery is done. Computer time is like Lay’s Potato chips. You say that you will only sit down for one minute or that you will only eat one potato chip but soon the hours gone and the bag is empty.

You could get creative with the physical barrier and tape up Wayne Knights Jurassic Park hacker image that says, “Ah, Ah, Ah, you didn’t say the magic word!”

Sending good thoughts your way…everything’s gonna be fine.

[Luiz Barata]

The best luck for you, Mike. I am a lot older than you and had cataracts done on both eyes. No issue at all, except getting rid of my bottle bottom glasses. I hope your treatment is also a piece of cake...

[Eric Rose]

A followup to my first comment. I too was very nervous prior to the surgery. It's the control freak in me and this comes from someone who had to stitch themselves up in the field. I have some suggestions for you, get someone to take away the power cord to your computer, and give them your iPad(s). You should know yourself well enough by now to know that you will NOT be able to keep away from them for the required time. The next piece of advise is critical. Take all your eye drops when you are suppose to and in the order they tell you! There are no mulligans on this and you can't just double up if you miss one. I had my wife make up a spreadsheet for me with times/medication/dose as it got quite confusing. Put alarms in your phone so you don't miss any drops. That's it. Get all Zen like and go with the flow.