Well, I'm back. What an adventure.
Forgive the off-topic post, but I can't help sharing my happiness...my son Alexander H. Johnston, my only kid, was awarded his Bachelors of Business Administration from the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh Business program last Saturday, with honors in marketing. Dad was high in the bleachers smiling on the inside and the outside. They say graduations are for parents, and sure enough. I've seldom spent a happier day.
Xander was not a good student in high school and had little interest in academics, or even reading (my kid!?!), so I decided not to push him to go to college. He worked as a waiter his senior year, then took a series of blue-collar jobs out of high school—a friend helped him get a job changing oil at Valvoline sixty hours a week, and then he unloaded trucks for Target in the middle of the night (he got fired for being late too many times—we all need "the firing experience," the sooner the better), and after that he worked a machine that made tiny little springs at a company called Wisconsin Coil. I remember he came home from Valvoline one day saying, "Dad, there are 40-year-old guys working with us at Valvoline, and they think they're our peers!" I told him to get used to it, because those guys were his peers—he was an adult, just like them, and they made their living changing oil, just like he did. The only difference was that a little more time had passed since those guys started. Probably right out of high school. Like him.
Making 1,600 springs a day gave him a repetitive stress injury, and he had to quit that last job. That happened at the beginning of Summer, and he settled in at home to recuperate—which very soon morphed into old Summer vacation habits. By July I felt it necessary to take him out to dinner and tell him gently that I wasn't in a position to stake him to a life of perpetual Summer vacation—he was grown, and it was either school full time or a full-time job, one or the other. He made his own decision, looked at his options realistically, and strategized his applications—Oshkosh, where his girlfriend was a sophomore, was his first choice; then community college, then vocational school.
You can do anything for your kids except motivate them. But his two years of working manual-labor jobs and his own determination not to have to change oil for the rest of his life supplied that. Xander is very quick, and great with people, but not a natural student, and he had to work hard at Oshkosh. So his high grade point average—he was in the top 10% of marketing majors—didn't come easy.
He worked as an intern his senior year for a great company called U.S. Venture, and they wanted to hire him after he graduated. Remember that job at Target, unloading trucks in the middle of the night? He also interviewed at several other companies, including for a great job in a management training program...at Target Corporation! Of course he 'fessed up to his earlier experience with them right at the beginning of the interview process. (Honesty is a Xander trait—I never caught him lying to me as a kid, and after a while never even worried about it. His great-uncle Bill, on his mother's side, was like that.) He starts in June with the title of Executive Team Lead with a very generous salary, outstanding benefits, and three and a half weeks a year of paid vacation.
Meanwhile, back on the Dad front, I was finally making some money by the time he decided to go to college (thanks!). My coffers are pretty well depleted right now (I'm sure a lot of you can sympathize with that as well), but my son will graduate with zero debt. So he gets to start his new career with a clean slate. I did my bit.
So Xander loved Oshkosh and had a great time in school, made lots of friends, did well, and got a great first post-college job. And I could pay the bills. I wish I could say I planned it all out on purpose, but I can't. However it happened, though, it could not have worked out any better. Sitting in the bleachers watching him walk for his diploma was a good day, a very good day.
Dad
Original contents copyright 2017 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site.
What a long road it's been
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(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:
Jim: "Congratulations to Xander and he is so fortunate to graduate without student debt. I used to live in Oshkosh and worked summers of '61 and '62 at Oshkosh Manufacturing Co. I remember that at the end of my second summer there the boss tried to talk me into staying and not going back to college. I had to laugh, as it was because of that work that I knew I had to go to college.
"It is because of my education that I was able to retire early and spend the last 15 years traveling the world taking photographs. By the way the house we lived in when I was a kid was later torn down to build the dorm for the college. I stayed in that dorm years ago when I used to fly back to Oshkosh for the EAA fly-in."
Dave Karp: "Congratulations to both of you! As a college professor, I can tell you that Commencement is a high point of each year. Probably the highest. It is great to see the students finishing one experience and heading on to all of the rest of them! Ours is tomorrow night and I am really looking forward to it."
Jim Christie: "Congratulations Xander! Same to you Mike—as one who is also raising a boy alone, I've followed your occasional posts about him with interest. You've done such a fantastic job guiding him. Kudos to you both."
Mike replies: And back to you.
Josh Hawkins: "In my head he's still five, and for some reason there's a kid running around behind the counter. Why is there a kid behind the counter? Congrats to him, and you. I fully support his decision not to take a straight path, but a path filled with experience. Well done...(can I still call him little guy?)...Xander."
[As a late-teenager and early-twentysomething, Josh was a clerk and then the Store Manager at the old Oak Park Camera in Oak Park, Illinois, when Xander was little. I'd go in there all the time to look at all the used gear and shoot the breeze with the guys, starting when Xander was still an infant in his car seat basket. As he grew and became mobile, they let him have the run of the store when I came in—behind the counters, back to the staff area. He would motor around shooting rubberbands at the indulgent employees.
Josh now has his own family plus many years of experience as a photojournalist. When last heard from he lives in Las Vegas (still true, Josh?). —MJ]
Yvonne Cunnington: "Well done Xander and Mike! I still wish you would write that memoir about raising your son as a single dad."
Mike replies: It's been swirling around in my head for about a year now. I have the basic outline, the story arc, the "modus operandi" or mode, and I've done some research on similar books. I do have to get down to doing the work, though. It's funny, but basically the pursuit of writing can be summed up in the clipped phrase "get to work."
Congratulations on a job well done, both Son and Dad!
Posted by: Lee Rust | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:05 AM
Nice
Posted by: Ken James | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:06 AM
Damn, Mike, that's seriously good parenting. You allowed Xander's motivation to come from within, and there's no other place that real motivation can come from. He can take full credit and major pride in getting where he is. Congratulations to Xander and to you!
Posted by: Joe | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:18 AM
Congrats, (To both of you)
There is no greater pleasure than watching your children succeed and knowing you had a hand in it.
Especially so when the lesson learned is that hard , relentless work toward a worthy goal pays off.
He has given you a great gift as well--- the peace of mind that comes from knowing that he is secure and well on his way.
As my Mother-in-law used to say "Give yourself a hug"
You both deserve that as well.
Posted by: Michael Perini | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:23 AM
Congratulations Mike; What an achievement by Xander and you.
My only daughter graduates from High School on Friday and has chosen to go to University in Scotland (My homeland but quite far from our adopted home, Belgium). I totally understand the pride.
Send best wishes and good luck to Xander.
Posted by: Andrew | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:27 AM
That's awesome Mike, and congratulations to Xander.
We also have an only child and have taken a similar approach, fingers crossed, hands off but supportive. It's scary at times, but appears to be working.
Posted by: John Krumm | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:29 AM
Great story, great result! Thanks.
So it was a graduation for both of you, huh? On to the next stage. You wrote, didn't you, that this getting old is interesting? Do please keep us posted.
Things are pretty interesting over here too ...
Posted by: Michael | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:29 AM
As the father of two wonderful but non-studious boys (now men)I'm totally in your camp Mike. Sincerest congratulations to you, I remember the road you had to travel just to keep Zander. Wonderful, just wonderful. A monument to you, and your son will have (already has)a life of unique distinction, thanks to his decisions, and your dedication.
Heartiest congratulations to you both.
Posted by: Gabe | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:31 AM
Congratulations Xander - and Dad!
Posted by: Mike | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:38 AM
I remember meeting Xander at the sushi place---I was gonna tell him to get a haircut, but he's already done it! Congratulations to the both of you.
Me? Two down, one to go... :)
Posted by: Jim Kofron | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:46 AM
Congrats to you and Zander both. I have a daughter graduating from high school this summer who will be attending Oberlin in the fall. All of the highs and lows (financial most especially) you mention are just around the corner -- and yet, like you, I couldn't be more proud. Life is good.
Posted by: Gordon Lewis | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 11:57 AM
Congratulations to both of you!
Posted by: Eliott James | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:10 PM
Congratulations to you both! All that and good bokeh to boot. :-)
Posted by: Sal Santamaura | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:11 PM
Congratulations to you both but I bet when he's reading this he's saying to himself "Dad, will you please stop embarrassing me"
Posted by: Anthony Shaughnessy | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:11 PM
Kudos all around! Well done!
Posted by: Chris Wentz | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:38 PM
Mike,
My good wishes to your son. And congratulations to you.
Posted by: Ranjit Grover | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:42 PM
What an adventure it has been! Congratulations to both of you.
Posted by: scott kirkpatrick | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:46 PM
👍
Not bad; I'm not too old to figure out emojis on a Mac.
Posted by: Stephen Gilbert | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:46 PM
Mike great to hear someone talking with justifiable pride.
Posted by: Alan Farthing | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:53 PM
As I used to say to my wife when she despaired for her youngest son, "The intelligence never goes away". When they finally spread their wing and take off ... Pure Joy. Heartfelt Congratulations to BOTH of you.
Posted by: John Wilson | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:53 PM
Big heartfelt congrats to you. And your son! It's actually great that he had those other experiences, too few college grads do these days. They will stand him in good stead throughout his life, and he will always remain in some way connected to the rest of the citizenry at all levels. It will make him a better citizen and voter. Having raised two daughters through college and now through grad school, and one going on for a PHD, I know your pride, happiness, pain, and, uuuhhh, money issues.
Posted by: tex andrews | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:55 PM
Congratulations to Xander...and you! Whatever else we accomplish in life, our children are greatest legacy to the future. Great job, Dad!
Regards,
Joel
Posted by: Joel Wolford | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 12:58 PM
Congratulations to Xander, and of course congratulations to you.
Posted by: Timo | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 01:42 PM
Congratulations to Xander... and to Dad! Wonderful post, Mike.
Posted by: Richard Skoonberg | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 01:50 PM
MAZEL TOV!!!!
Posted by: Maggie Osterberg | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 01:52 PM
Mike, what a wonderful story. A fitting continuation of your history as a father.
Posted by: Roger Overall | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 02:12 PM
I'm supposed to be going out NOW, but I just had stop here and say, you've done each other proud. Bløødy well done, the pair of you.
Posted by: Roger Bradbury | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 02:18 PM
Congratulations to Xander, and to you!
Now, after he's settled in at his new job, see if you can lean on him for some marketing expertise and get your coffers re-pleted (like depleted, only the other direction!).
Posted by: David Dyer-Bennet | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 02:28 PM
Wonderful!
You have permission from all us parents to brag away, and to bust your proverbial buttons.
Posted by: MikeR | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 02:31 PM
Congratulations, Mike! Having had brief glimpses of Xander being raised and growing up over the years via stories and photos on TOP, I can't help feeling a bit of something like pride--in both of you!
Posted by: robert e | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 02:32 PM
Hooray !!!
Posted by: Bill Pierce | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 02:37 PM
Wow. Given what you have shared about your son over the years here and in your days contributing to Black and White Magazine here in the UK, (which was the first time I came across your writing), congratulations to you and your son are in order. I'm filled with the same sort of fuzzy warm feeling that I get when an ex-student of mine gets in touch or bumps into me in a pub and tells me of their successes.
Posted by: Mark Cotter | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 02:45 PM
Congratulations to you both.
Posted by: Nikhil Ramkarran | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 02:52 PM
Wonderful news Mike - I wish Xander the best.
Its always good to see a WI native do well.
As an former instructor for the UW system in Career and Life Planning, I have helped hundreds of student launch their careers, & might be able to offer a few additional insights for Zander is he is starting his position in WI.
Let me know if he is interested - I'll buy the coffee!
Thanks - Chris
Posted by: Chris Beloin | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 03:00 PM
As a father of two I know how it feels on that days -and on the bad ones, unfortunately. My warmest congratulations to you both, really.
Posted by: Rodolfo Canet | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 03:11 PM
Congrats to you both! Doesn't always work out well- despite the best intentions, and effort. Enjoy when it does...
Posted by: Stan B. | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 03:21 PM
I'm very happy for you both, well done Mike and Xander ye've both done good.
Posted by: Michael Roche | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 03:21 PM
I'm so happy for you!
I wish my daughter will be as intelligent as you son.
Posted by: Marc Gibeault | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 03:51 PM
I'm happy for both of you. Nice to hear such good news.
Posted by: Dave Levingston | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 04:00 PM
Congratulations to the both of you. What a wonderful story.
Posted by: David O'Bryan | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 04:10 PM
Love the joy in this post. It's so true, isn't it? "A very good day"
Posted by: Arg | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 04:29 PM
Congratulations Mike and Xander! May you both continue successfully in your careers...and I'll continue to read and ponder your words. Thanks.
Posted by: Craig Beyers | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 04:38 PM
Outstanding! Well done to Xander and to Xander's pop. Nobody does this alone.
Posted by: mike plews | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 04:40 PM
Good for both of you!
With best regards,
Stephen
Posted by: Stephen S. Mack | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 04:58 PM
Congratulatios Mike. I can relate to your story since I was the worst student ever. My poor parents must have suffered a lot. Only when I finally got to study and work at what I loved, things changed for the better.
Un abrazo.
Posted by: David Lee | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 05:00 PM
Congratulations Mike! And thank you also for sharing, parenting is not easy by any stretch. How nice to have gotten through to the other side, enjoying the moment, and sharing with friends. Awesome.
Posted by: SteveW | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 05:34 PM
Excellent!
I also attended my son's college graduation. He's headed up your way, to Ithaca for yet more school.
Congratulations on a great job with your son and the perfect way you let him discover the value of college!
Posted by: Matthew | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 05:35 PM
That's great news Mike. Congrats to both of you!
Posted by: Duncan | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 05:40 PM
Congratulations to you both! It's been fun to witness Xander's growth through your lenses over the years. I think my favorite is still the shot of him next to the Clayton odorles fixer in "The 50mm Lens and Metaphysical Doubt." I can't really voice why that one calls to me so much — maybe it's that it tells the story of a photo dad raising a kid by himself with some lovely tones and "glow" (Leica induced or otherwise) — but that's one that has always stuck for me.
I wish you both the best on your continuing journeys and hope to see many more photos of him on the blog in the years to come!
Posted by: Christopher May | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 05:50 PM
That's gotta feel good. Congrats to Xander for a stellar showing and a good start, and to you for being there.
Now, on to the "TOP post-college print offer and fundraising extravaganza" so you can join Peter Turnley in Havana and tell him how proud you are of your son working at Target! ;-)
Posted by: MarkB | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 06:26 PM
Great story Mike, Congratulations to both of you.
Posted by: Warren Jones | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 07:09 PM
Congratulations to Xander and to you too Mike. Reading this article...all of a sudden smoke got into my eyes. I know how it feels to have an only child/son (as I have Alif, my only child/son) achieve something in life. Congratulations again.
Posted by: Mus Aziz | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 07:45 PM
"Oh the places you will go ..."
Congratulations to you both!
Posted by: Darlene | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 07:52 PM
Congrats to Zander and you, Mike, for a job well done! I remember meeting him at the TOP diner where he waited our table. Your did an outstanding job as a parent, all the more challenging since you were a single parent.
Our daughter is graduating this coming week from Cooper Union with her BFA and already in a job at the Frick, with her twin brother in Japan studying abroad for a year, due back to finish one extra year here next fall to complete a double bachelors. And our oldest is back in school in the midst of an MD/Phd in PA. I never thought the three of them would be so driven when we went through the dark teenage years. That said, I could not be more proud of all three of them, the are the most priceless gift of life we could have.
Posted by: Mark Kinsman | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 08:23 PM
Congratulations to both of you! The story continues and gets better and better.
Posted by: Roger | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 09:13 PM
Congratulations Xander and Mike! This story made me feel happy too!
Posted by: Andrea B. | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 09:18 PM
Congratulations Mike! My kid, Ben, is one year behind Xander and I'm hoping to make good on my plan to have him graduate from Skidmore College with no debt. It's a tough challenge for parents but one I think both of our kids will appreciate for the rest of their lives.
Posted by: kirk tuck | Wednesday, 17 May 2017 at 09:43 PM
Congratulations, Xander and Mike ~ wonderful accomplishments!
And, if I may say so without being presumptuous or giving offense, Mike, I'm extremely proud of you for making sure that Xander would have the opportunity to show his stuff in this way by giving him a home and a father and your deep and ongoing love...
Posted by: Thomas Turnbull | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 12:07 AM
That's such a nice story! Congratulations to you both.My daughter graduated this year, as well, and it's a very special moment.
Posted by: Hugh Conacher | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 12:32 AM
Congratulations to Xander and you both!
Posted by: Animesh Ray | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 12:39 AM
Mike, I felt real pride in Xander and you because I, like dozens, perhaps hundreds of TOP readers have been involved with your journey, and your rocky road to Fatherhood.
I wasn't surprised at the outpouring of joy and congratulations - I've always felt that your readers are unique, and this is living proof. You're indeed a fortunate man, you've made a life of quality for your son and yourself - that life is good and you are the center of a very real community.
Posted by: Gabe | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 02:09 AM
Don't apologise for a joyful off-topic post, part of what makes yours the best-written 'Photography' blog.
My son nearly ruined his own education at high school; he succeeded because his wonderful mother - a teacher - knew how to keep his options open. With our support and his intelligence he graduated in English and is doing well in the world of work (journalism). And here's to more very good days!
Posted by: Andy | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 06:18 AM
Mike, thanks for sharing. That was my goal also to get my son out of college debt free. It felt good when we accomplished that together. Congrats to Xander.
Posted by: Mark O | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 07:07 AM
Congratulations to Xander and you both. I know it is a big step. Our son graduated last year and got a good job. This past year has been surreal in not having to write that monthly check.
Posted by: FrankB | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 07:12 AM
Congratulations! Living through high school, college and grad school with two children I know that self motivation is, in the long run,the best way to go. We, somehow, managed to get both through school without them having any debt - something that they didn't fully appreciate until they were older and listened to the laments of their contemporaries,
Although the "kid" gets the credit, those of us that have been there recognize your role. Take a well deserved bow.
Posted by: Peter | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 08:22 AM
Big congratulations to you both, Mike! A good day, indeed. You're a lucky dad.
Posted by: Kenneth Tanaka | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 09:28 AM
I can completely understand your pride. Every time I have worried about my son, who's only 12, it's helped to realise it's just a moment in his life, something to look back on. There's always movement and progress. At the moment he's stressed about not understanding algebra, and the moments of breeak through, and relief on his face, comes when he realises not undertanding it is just a thing now, not for ever. It will pass.
Posted by: Nigel | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 10:00 AM
It warmed my heart to read this. Congratulations to you and Xander. I hope you patted each other on the back several times. You both deserve it. Jobs well done, lives well lived!
Posted by: Rob Griffin | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 12:34 PM
Well done Mike. Words cannot fully describe a job well done at fathering. And Xander has now done you proud.
Posted by: Dan Khong | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 12:39 PM
Congratulations to you both.
Posted by: Ben Rosengart | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 12:56 PM
Well done by both of you, from a parent who's been there. Most of my other work in life has been easier, and I wasn't as emotionally involved as in parenting and watching my children grow up.
Watching graduation is definitely a great joy.
Posted by: Henning Wulff | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 05:28 PM
So good to hear this Mike. Xander sounds like a smart young man, congrats to both of you. A
Posted by: Ann | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 08:40 PM
And the GF? You introduce a character then let her disappear into the miasma of time without trace! Tut, tut, Mike, a serious author does better than that. :)
Congratulations on helping Xander move forward so well. We start with no training and get one go with a child which can be enormously rewarding or heartbreaking (well, mostly something ordinary in between, I suppose). You did your stuff and Xander did his.
So far, so good!
Cheers, Geoff
Posted by: Geoffrey Heard | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 09:04 PM
:)
Posted by: Lorenzo C. | Thursday, 18 May 2017 at 11:52 PM
Congratulations to Xander and to you!
Posted by: Bill Tyler | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 12:16 AM
Congratulations to Xander - and debt-free as well! I have similar stories about one of my daughters (the elder) who backpacked for a year and then worked retail for quite a while before finding her vocation - nursing. (The younger daughter did it all regulation - school, bachelor's, master's, by the time she was 23.)
[Hi Tom. Speed in education is fine if you're sure of your direction. Believe it or not I have a family member who finished school too fast! She did high school and college in three years each and by the time she was 22 was working on her Ph.D.
The trouble was, she was too young to have really had enough time to sort of what she wanted to do for her career, and she got her Ph.D. in the wrong subject area. I think it was microbiology. After a few years working in that field she realized it wasn't for her, and she had to go back to school to get another degree in a different subject. I think she now works in magnetic resonance imaging research, which she likes and enjoys.
'Course, it took me eight years to finish college, and I don't recommend that either. :-) --Mike]
Posted by: Tom Burke | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 02:20 AM
Congratulations to the both of you - excellent parenting and good job Xander for figuring it out and putting in the work to make this great achievement happen.
Posted by: Sean O | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 02:48 AM
Congratulations to Xander (and his dad of course).
I used to teach high school many years ago and I always thought it sad that so many kids had to make choices at an age where they had no idea who they were or what those choices would imply.
A bit of experience and maturity gives kids can change everything, even ones interest in studying.
Right back then, I realised the education system was deeply flawed. Education should be ongoing, not something that ends in your teens.
Posted by: Steve Jacob | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 03:27 AM
Well done, father & son! My admiration for Xander for being his own man in such a positive way, and for you Mike for being a father in the best sense of the word. When you have a child / children I think by far the most important task in your life, is to help them become healthy, self-fulfilling adults. Congratulations to you both!
Posted by: Hans Muus | Friday, 19 May 2017 at 05:39 AM
Great day, great goal achieved!
robert
Posted by: robert quiet photographer | Saturday, 20 May 2017 at 02:15 PM
Mike,
Congratulations to both you and Xander. It has been a privilege to be a virtual fly on the wall these last 23 or so years. Thanks much for sharing your life with us, it is what makes TOP the community it is.
Posted by: Rob Spring | Saturday, 20 May 2017 at 03:37 PM
Wow, seems like just yesterday that Xander was heading off to college. A belated congrats to you both!
Posted by: Yohan | Tuesday, 23 May 2017 at 12:22 PM