What the Heck Is This, Minnesota? (OT)

A guide to local weather in Wisconsin

+90°F: Dangerously hot. Torrid. Insufferable. Check on elderly neighbors, bring pets indoors. Hospitals inundated with heatstroke victims.

+80°F: Very hot! We'd be in trouble wit'out dat air conditioning, hey? Get lots of fluids, don't exert yourself.

+70°F: Hot.

+60°F: Balmy. Nice day—not too hot.

+50°F: Crisp. In early Autumn, cause for anticipation. In early Springtime, considered hot.

+40°F: Brisk. Fewer kids seen playing outdoors in T-shirts.

+30°F: Bring in the garden hoses! Kids should wear sweatshirts even if they don't want to.

+20°F: Deer huntin' weather, hey? Be sure to get outdoors and enjoy the nice day.

+10°F: Gettin' kinda cold. Time to break out the winter coats!

0°F: Put off washing the car. No more barbeque on the Weber. Start to leave furnace on during the day.

–10°F: Winter's here, oh yay. Wear your good mittens. Close windows in kids' rooms at night. Wisconsites greet each other by saying, "Cold enough for you?" More than half answer, "Nope, not me, I like it!"

–20°F: In summer you make fun of us, but this is why we're fat: fat is darn good insulation. No sledding for the smaller children, if it's windy.

–30°F: Two words: heated dipstick! Dogs can sleep indoors. Outdoorsmen know what separates the men from the boys: good hats.

–40°F: Cold makes the news. More than a week of this and it reaches the pipes. Even skinflints turn up the furnace.

–50°F: We hardly ever get this nice a cold any more, thanks to that darn global warming. Schools close. Holes for ice fishing hard to keep open without turning on the Coleman in the fishing shed.

–60°F: SUVs won't start. Better put off Wal-Mart trip till tomorrow.

–70°F: Exposed flesh freezes. What the heck is this, Minnesota?

Mike

[Originally published in 2006 when I lived in Wisconsin.]

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(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

Charlie Ewers: "When we lived in Wisconsin (Richland County) I remember routinely waiting until it got UP to zero to go out and split some wood. One day when the actual temp (not the windchill) was somewhere around minus 35, and snow was coming down pretty hard, the county sheriff came on the radio and told people to stay home. But I was out of cigarettes and the nearest grocery store was only 13 miles away, so what the hell? Glad I'm much older and (I hope) wiser now."

David Zivic: "A guide to local weather in Cabo San Lucas where I live:

+100°F: Too hot to work.

+90°F: Too hot to work.

+80°F: Too hot to work.

+70°F: Too hot to work.

+60°F: Never Happens."

Ranjit Grover: "For us, here in southern India, all this sounds very strange and unreal. Our temperatures never go below 25 Celsius or above 35 Celsius. If it goes up, it will rain and that will cool us. We have essentially two seasons. 1) Dry hot 2) Rainy hot. Dry or wet, it is always 100% humidity. So we sweat all the time. Unfortunately we cannot wear a rain coat while walking in the rain; it gets too hot. We have to use an umbrella. The good part is we need only one set of clothes for the whole year, wet hot or dry hot. One shirt and a trouser. And a pair of sandals. Have a good time."

Comments

[Hugh Smith]

When I lived in South Milwaukee, it would often snow for days and nothing stayed.
We finally realized that all the residents of Waukesha took the brunt of the weather because the wind blew horizontally to the West.
It got chilly off the lake but those poor souls mid state!
Whew.
mi dos pesos

[Richard Newman]

Then you should feel right at home in upstate NY, where I believe the record low is in the -50 range. And in a few more weeks full fall color should be present (I hear its going to be a little late this year)

[Sophia M.]

My family moved from Minnesota to California 15 years ago in November. We were pleasantly surprised at the sunny warm 60 degree days, with gentle rains at night. We were also very startled when this lovely fall weather made all the local newscasts: "People are huddled in their houses trying to stay warm in this frigid early winter weather." "Several people reported hearing thunder last night!"

All winter, as we headed to the pool every day, we watched everyone else run in their down coats, with mittens, long furry boots and scarves, to their preheated cars to get out of the unseasonably 'cold' weather.

But, we have also suffered as our tolerance for cold weather slowly evaporated each year. Our upper Midwestern identity and pride evaporated with our cold tolerance as we could no longer boast of swimming in Lake Superior, keeping our windows open in below freezing temperatures, wearing shorts and t-shirts even as sleet is falling, and cheering when the forecasters predicted -40 F or colder on winter nights. Admit it, upper Midwesterners and people in other states where it gets that cold in the winter console themselves by feeling slightly superior and 'stronger' than the rest of the 'weaker' US population.

Now after 15 years, I have to grab a jacket when I go outdoors if it is 60 degrees. But unlike people born in California, I can't help but feel a little bit ashamed about that.

[Marek Fogiel]

Wait a moment Mike: 70 F is hot? Isn't that the usual temperature for developing your Tri X? I think this description is heavily skewed towards the Alaskans...

[Bill Pearce]

You may be happy at your new location. I had a friend, RIP, that lived in the Finger Lakes region, and he said that there they had two seasons, Winter and Fourth of July. And no, he didn't succumb to the weather there, he passed from unrelated causes in (drum roll) Wisconsin.

[Stan Rogers]

-40°F: Two more words: square tires. Ride'll be a little rough for the first couple of miles.

[Mike R]

My favorite Wisconsin phrase is "stop and go light. " I first heard it in Beaver Dam, when getting directions to a hotel.

[hugh crawford]

Here in California's central valley high temperatures are down to about 88 - 90° and the farmworkers are beginning to wear jackets.
Winter is just around the corner!

[Rob]

I grew up in Chicago and went to college in Minnesota. Now I live in New Mexico, but this piece brings back memories of deep winter--painful, but also, in a strange way, exciting.

[John robison]

Down to about 40F sounds like me. Moved from Chicago to western Washington to get away from the oppressive summers. By now it's not working. This summer we had more 90F days, 14 total, than any other year. I'm ready to move to Nome. Here I'm in shorts and a T shirt from March through November.

[Robert]

There is a logic to centigrade which makes explanation unnecessary. Don't they coincide at about -25?

[Thomas Paris]

Heard a very similar one about Finland, when I was living there. Sounded oh so true, too. But boy do I love that country and its people.
I'll be interested in hearing what you have to say about the weather in your new neck of the woods, after you have experienced a couple of cycles of seasons there.

[Dan]

Too bad what most know about Minnesota is from the movie FARGO. A great black comedy by Minnesota boys but not flattering to the State.

[Carl Blesch]

As Homer Simpson once said, "It's funny because it's true!"

[Peter Croft]

My freezer is -20C! I don't know how you can live in such cold places.

Here in Perth I wear shorts and sandals year round. In winter, I wear a cardigan over my T shirt. In summer I take it off. Today it's 31C, balmy. I have cold showers every single day from November to April. Nice place.

[Steve Smith]

In the UK we have two seasons: Winter and July.

[D. Hufford.]

Though I live in Tokyo where snow is maybe a once or twice a year rarity, and 50 degrees is considered cold, I refuse to become a wimp. I spend as much time in the mountains in the fall and winter as possible in order to counter any tendency to become wimpified.

[Tom Kwas]

Plus One for Sophie M. I lived in Washington DC for a while, after growing up in Chicago and Milwaukee. When the newscast came on in the winter, the weather report would be "bitter, bitter cold tonight, getting down to 30 degrees", and I'd think: "...that's skating weather...".

Plus One for John Robison too, my younger sister and I were planning a move to the Pacific Northwest years ago, before it became too expensive and hipster, NOT because we wanted to get away from the cold, but we couldn't take the weird summer heat anymore. Wisconsin and Northern Illinois always has at least 2-3 weeks of unlivable weather in the high 90's and with very high dew points.

I remember two summers in the late 80's, living in Chicago, where it got over 100 degrees for two weeks, and people actually died in their apartments! So bad in Milwaukee in the 90's, we had to rent a hotel room for a few nights to crank the air and sleep for once.

When you look at "Places Rated Almanac", and references like that, the Northern Mid-west, and Northern border states, always take it on the chin in the weather category, not because they are so cold, but because the fluctuation in temperature is so broad, it's uncomfortable! Wisconsin may have a temperature fluctuation, on average, of -10 to +95, whereas Portland Oregon might be +40 to +80!