No Foolin' (OT)

I'm scared to put up a post this morning! Afraid a spoof would be considered real or that a real post won't be taken seriously. Don't know what to say, and you know how rare that is.

I'm not feeling much in a fooling mood on this April Fool's day. Instead I'd like to offer a small word of encouragement to any of you youngsters(!) who happen to find yourselves between your late 30s and early 50s and not particularly happy. This is a quotation from an article by Jonathan Rausch called "The Real Roots of Midlife Crisis," from The Atlantic, November 17th, 2014:

"As I moved into my early 50s, I hit some real setbacks. Both of my parents died, one of them after suffering a terrible illness while I watched helplessly. My job disappeared when the magazine I worked for was restructured. An entrepreneurial effort—to create a new online marketplace that would match journalists who had story ideas with editors looking for them—ran into problems. My shoulders, elbows, and knees all started aching. And yet the fog of disappointment and self-censure began to lift, at first almost imperceptibly, then more distinctly. By now, at 54, I feel as if I have emerged from a passage through something. But what?

"Long ago, when I was 30 and he was 66, the late Donald Richie, the greatest writer I have known, told me: 'Midlife crisis begins sometime in your 40s, when you look at your life and think, Is this all? And it ends about 10 years later, when you look at your life again and think, Actually, this is pretty good.' In my 50s, thinking back, his words strike me as exactly right. To no one’s surprise as much as my own, I have begun to feel again the sense of adventure that I recall from my 20s and 30s. I wake up thinking about the day ahead rather than the five decades past. Gratitude has returned."

Those words of Donald Richie (who writes about Japan) resonate for me. I'm very aware that this is the happiest time of my life. I've had good times and bad times, but never have a felt such satisfaction in life, and such true gratitude to be alive in the world. It's really the most distinct feature of the decade of my 50s for me, this deep heartfelt happiness. So if you're anywhere in the "midlife crisis" period and wondering if this is all there is, take heart: you may well have much to look forward to. No foolin'.

Mike
(Thanks to dear S.)

Original contents copyright 2015 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site.

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(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

Jamietie: "As a 35-year-old feeling many of those things these days, I needed to hear that; no joke!"

Neil Partridge: "I have aged sufficiently to now be considered one of your youngsters (!) and have spells of melancholy. I do sense the impending arrival of a flame, or at least a spark, of satisfaction and contentment. Photography, even just reading about others doing it, fans that flame and your blog is my personal pair of bellows. I need to work on the analogy somewhat but I hope you get the gist."

CB: "I'm 49 and my 40s have been a struggle (death of both parents, first-born committed to an institution for nine months, second-born diagnosed with autism, end of a 15-year relationship with their mother, financial insecurity in an ever more right-wing UK, a frustrating day job, increasing hearing loss, an often overwhelming sense of complete emptiness and a concomitant anhedonia that I assume must be related to grief). There's no guarantee life will get better, but this post offers some hope. I'm also now with the most wonderful woman, my kids are all right and I get moments of something like sudden shafts of sunlight. Thank you Mike."

Alan Kett: "66th year. 'Liberated' from corporate America three years ago. Get to do my own things now. Never better!"

Earl Dunbar: "Now on the back side of mid 60s, I have felt, really, really good about myself and my life in general for the last six years or so. It came after come to realization (and some realizations) that occurred in mid-life but were not because of mid-life. My Dad died prematurely due to medical error three and a half years ago; I came through that fine and feel like I could make it through most anything. I feel younger than at 55 even if my body doesn't think so."

Comments

[Sven Erikson]

My favorite April Fool's post of the day has got to be Sigma USA's eleventh installment of their "How to photograph your dog" series.

http://blog.sigmaphoto.com/2015/photograph-dog-11-wiener-dogs/

[Steven Willard]

Well in that sprit, Sven, I offer this

https://stevenwillardimages.wordpress.com/blog-2/

[Eolake]

Thank you.
E/S
eolake.com

[Jim Bullard]

Thank you for not engaging in juvenile humor. I hate, detest and despise April Fool's Day. I think it should be banned and violators should be subjected to sleep deprivation accompanied by constant bad humor videos.

[Tim Arruda]

I just wanted to comment Mike and let you know that it is heartwarming to hear someone with such gratitude at being alive in the world. And if someone is going to be that happy to be alive, I am glad it is you.

Tim Arruda
Who while happy to be alive, is sick and tired of below average temps and a seemingly very reluctant to let go winter here in Cape Elizabeth, Maine.

[Moose]

I can't remember the transition into my second decade from the first, nor the next, really, in any way that feels real.

Since then, though, in spite various losses at various times, divorce, deaths, etc., I have felt at the end of each decade that it was better than the one before, and expected the one beginning to be better yet.

Having just started the second year of my eighth decade, I have yet to find reason to doubt that it will be the best yet.

Might expectation help create experience? Perhaps so.

Remember the power of "true gratitude" to support "deep heartfelt happiness", learn to gracefully let present become past, fully inhabit the present, allow your definition of "best" to evolve naturally and you will have more great decades.

[Yonatan Katznelson]

I suppose that I am experiencing late-onset midlife crisis (I am 54 now), though it is not terribly severe. I attribute the delay to the fact that I had my two children while in my 40s (they are almost 11 and 6 now).

Actually, I think that I am going through the crisis and the resolution simultaneously as I seem to alternate between `is that all there is?' and `this is pretty good!' on a daily basis.

[Mark Cotter]

I think there is too much emphasis on the pursuit of happiness in life. I decided that happiness was transient (as is sadness) and that being contented was what mattered. And, although I've had enough work related problems over the past ten years, I'm content with life and where I live and the friends I have.

Having said all that, I'm 42. So, I should be a prime candidate for a midlife crisis but I think I'm going to avoid it. (Hopefully, not famous last words.)

[Bruce Mc]

I think that in men a great deal of this is hormonal. A younger man will take on any challenge, just to prove himself to those around him. As the hormone levels decrease, some of those challenges don’t seem as important. Even if he was successful, in retrospect it seems like it was a waste pursuing that challenge in the first place. Lower hormonal levels allow spending of more time surveying the landscape and looking at his own desires and goals before picking a challenge. After a decade or so of living that way, life starts to look pretty good.

[psu]

I've never had much sympathy for the idea of a midlife crisis. I think people get in their own heads too much, or not enough.

On the other hand, I've been inordinately lucky in my time. So maybe I just realized this a bit early.

[Sean]

The first 21 years of my life were very tough, I probably had my midlife at 12. Those years didn't make an Abe Lincoln or Charles Dickens out of me, but they gave me fortitude. I'm now 43, and at times "I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape."

[Simon Griffee]

Thank you, Mike, from the end (hopefully!) of a far-too-long winter in NYC.

[Wayne]

At age 55, I now appreciate the fact that there are things in life that can be worse than death. That realization has been very liberating. Moving on into eternity just doesn't seem as terrifying as it did at 30.

[Andrew]

Thank you for this post (and many others), and for the link to the article at The Alantic. A bucket of pennies just dropped.

[psmith]

I'm 42. I came back to Australia (my home country) with my wife 4 years ago, after living in the UK for 14. We are leaving to going back to the UK in 3 months. Our 4 years here has been a time of work hell, money stress, alienation from society, depression, and missing everything we loved. We have had the stuffing kicked out of us and can't wait to go back. I know that all this wasn't just because of where we lived - part of it was a mid-life crisis (although exacerbated by our situation). The upside of these difficult unhappy times has been that I have gotten better at letting go, of life and everything I want from it. Now I'm looking forward to just getting back and getting on with normal life in the UK, something I would not have been that satisfied with when I left there 4 years ago.