Female Elvis Impersonator Rips Rival's Sideburns Off

We need to do a little more to get peoples' attention. Competition on the Web is getting more fierce. There are far more sites now competing for affiliate traffic. So once a month in the middle of the month I'm going to post a wee reminder:

Please buy your stuff through our links!

If you're buying anything, that is. It keeps us alive, and it doesn't cost you anything extra. I'm not saying you should go spend your hard-earned money. But if you're going to be buying something anyway....

(The tabloid headline was just to pique your interest. And to keep me interested. Photographer Steve Szabo's all-time favorite tabloid headline was "MAN DECAPITATES SELF WITH CHAINSAW—AND LIVES!!!" Which, you have to admit, has everything. Even just making them up I'm not sure I can out-do that one. But give me time. I tend to get better with practice. Stay tuned for my next attempt, mid-month next month...if I remember, of coures, which is a pretty big if.)

Thanks for your support.

—Mike

P.S. You might have noticed we have a new lead advertiser, Sony, sponsored by B&H Photo—that ad works as a portal to B&H Photo benefiting TOP, as well.

Original contents copyright 2013 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site.

TOP's links!

(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

Adam Lozo (partial comment): "You may want to remind readers that they need to click your link, put it in the shopping cart and purchase all in the same session or you won't get credit."

Ann: "Done...just linked to Amazon to buy a book. Will try to do this in future rather than via the tempting emails they send me with the latest releases. I don't comment very much but read and enjoy TOP most days so hope it helps."

Mike replies: Thanks Ann. And it does!

Rogerio : "Steven Pinker's The Language Instinct has a chapter about another great tabloid headline: 'Baby Born Talking—Describes Heaven.'"

Mike replies: Let me guess—it was wet, warm, and dark, and you get your meals through a tube?

Jim Hughes: "A legendary headline from the New York Post's illustrious past: 'HEADLESS MAN IN TOPLESS BAR!' Best to all."

Mike replies: I saw an article a while back about strippers, which said that the good ones have a knack for making individual men in the audience think they (the stripper) really actually are attracted to them (the audience member) individually and specifically. I suspect such a delusion on the part of the male could fairly be characterized as "losing one's head." :-)

 

Comments

[Manuel]

Funny. I was instantly reminded of another ficticious headline: 'Alien Marries Bicephallous Elvis Clone'. I think I read that one on a Calvin & Hobbes strip.
Elvis Presley is an eternal inspiration for jokes. It's wrong to make a mockery of a dead person, of course - but who can resist?
(Incidentally, and though most TOP readers may be unfamiliar with the electronica that hailed from Vienna in the 90's, one of my favourite tunes is Tosca's 'Chocolate Elvis'.)

[Rob Atkins]

Are the ripped-off sideburns for sale? I can't find the link.

[John Robinson]

MAN DECAPITATES SELF AND ENTIRE FAMILY WITH CAMERA, MIRACULOUSLY ALL SURVIVE!

[Hugh Smith]

OR daughter gives birth to own mother. Film at 11:00
It IS getting crazy huh?

[Chuck Albertson]

There was a guy (Bulgarian, I think) who several years ago cut his own head off with a chainsaw to settle a bar bet. He lost.

[Yves Papillon]

"if I remember..."
You are not alone. I bought a book last night and did not use your link to Amazon. Maybe a donation to TOP will help me to remember next time.

[Adam Lozo]

You may want to remind readers that they need to click your link, put it in the shopping cart and purchase all in the same session or you won't get credit.

My apologies, I forgot and picked up something (small) yesterday. It won't happen again.

[Patrick Perez]

I recall a news story several years back which described how a rancher died. He pulled up to a gate to his property (in the middle of nowhere) and got out to open the gate. His dog in the cab hit the gearshifter and the truck pinned him, resulting in his death. Sadly, the dog died sometime later (can't recall if it was heat related or starving or what). The headline I imagined for the story was 'Dog Kills Owner, Self'. All true!

Patrick

[David L.]

Mike, you could claim to have an article about which digital camera took the most popular pictures of Elvis.

[mike plews]

This makes me lonesome for Batboy

[Bill]

"Elvis Presley is an eternal inspiration for jokes. It's wrong to make a mockery of a dead person, of course - but who can resist?"
Elvis is NOT dead, Manuel! Please quit spreading noxious rumors.

[Daniel Clements]

"9 year old girl gives birth to 5,000 year old Egyptian Mummy" (Weekly World News, c.1980s)

[Mark kinsman]

And here I thought you were just using a clever, but obtuse, title for Part 2 of the camera review from Gordon.

[MarkR]

"CONTEST WINNER SPENDS WINDFALL THROUGH WEBSITE." Just sayin.'

[bob goldstein]

I put a bookmark labeled just 'Amazon' in my bookmarks bar, which has TOP's Amazon link. That way I don't have to remember! I am a big Amazon fan, with Prime, and get all kinds of stuff all year long. I am happy that a tiny bit of it benefits a writer I read every day.

[Ted]

Mike, I buy a fair amount of stuff from Amazon, and more often than not I remember to buy through your links. But I don't have a kindle; I have a nook -- an e-reader marketed by Barnes & Noble. I feel a twinge of guilt every time I but an e-book for my nook. Any chance you can recruit B&N as an affiliate?

[John Krumm]

Perfect timing. Just was looking at a Macbook Air for my daughter and got one through Amazon. So yes, the reminders help.

[Animesh Ray]

Sometimes when I go buy something I am left unsure whether clicking the link through TOPS actually worked. Is there a way to obtain a feedback from the merchant's site, saying something like, "Your purchase was linked from TOPS" or some such phrase?

[Roger]

You've not truly reached the bottom until you have headlines like "Is this the cataclysm that will cause Canon to buy Nikon for cheap?" Of course the story's final sentence will state that no, Canon won't buy Nikon and there was no cataclysm. In the meantime it's clicksville for T.O.P.

[Sarge]

As a SE Asian (Manila) resident, I'm frustrated that I can't use TOP's links to source my purchases (small accessories mostly, but also tripod/ballhead and MF lenses which aren't likely to breakdown within the warranty period).

But not anymore. Fortunately for me, a cousin of mine in NY state has kindly agreed that I use her address as my default U.S. shipping address. I can now use TOP's links for stateside purchases!

I also use "wish lists" but only to organize prospective purchases. However, buying items from one's wish list won't help TOP at all because none of it will be credited to Mike.

What I do when buying through TOP's links is, as follows:

1) List down the store's code(s) for the item(s) from my wish list on a piece of paper or copy and paste to Notepad. (For example: B&H# BWCPC39 is BH's store code for a B+W 39mm Circular Polarizer);

2) Delete the item(s) from my wish list (or the entire wish list if no longer needed);

3) Open TOP's links to Amazon, BH, etc.;

4) Enter or copy and paste the item's store code on the search box at the link and add to cart (in sequence for multiple items);

5) Check-out (Steps #3 to #5 done in one session/visit only)

My cousin also kindly agreed to ship to me the items I'm buying via USPS. USPS (online) First Classs International Package is the cheapest means to ship by air (up to 1 kg and $400 declared value; <= 2 wks transit). For heavier and higher value items or if you're in a hurry, USPS Priority mail service is cheaper than Fedex or UPS. Mainly because of the latter's pre-paid customs charges.

TIP: Here's a workaround if your billing address is different from your shipping address: Buy yourself a gift card* and use that for payment. There's no expiration date for any leftover change.

(Not available at BH though whose gift card is a physical card delivered by snail mail! One of those things which makes BH endearing/exasperating. They're still essentially a Mom & Pop store.)

I wish TOP were an affiliate of KEH (who apparently don't need any help selling used equipment).*

*Mike, do you get a cut from a gift card bought through TOP's links? Or only from the items bought with the card?
Re Keh: They may not need any help selling used gear. But they just might need your help buying used gear that TOP readers want to sell. (Keh is aggressively promoting their used gear buying campaign.)

[Daniel Moore]

This definitely bears repeating and I won't fault you for doing so. I forget that most of the time I could be a TOP benefactor while making every day purchases.

[kirk]

Sheesh, I write a blog and I still end up buying photo books here. If I do it everyone else should too.

Support Mike. He does great work!

[Ross]

So Book Depository when saved as a Bookmark will have the TOP suffix? Mine does but it's quite a while ago that I set it so I may have been helping TOP along as I've spent quite a lot there in the last years.

Others may like to check them out, very good and for me better than Am*z*n. Less nosy too.

[Friedrich]

One of the best headlines ever – though not in a tabloid – was The Times reporting that Michael Foot was to preside over a nuclear disarmament committee: "Foot Heads Arms Body"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Foot#Resignation

[Soeren Engelbrecht]

How about this for a headline:

"Photographer expresses personal opinion on popular photography forum and does NOT get his head severed"

Now that would be newsworthy, wouldn't it :-)

[Anton Wilhelm Stolzing]

Australian official steps down after sexting pic of genitals in red wine
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/official-steps-sexting-pic-genitals-red-wine-article-1.1422215
That's a good one, and what's more - it is true.

[Michael]

Just to say that I buy all my Amazon and Book Depository stuff through your site, and very glad to do so. A possible suggestion: one of the main suppliers of photo equipment in the UK is WEX, www.wexphotographic.com. You might think of getting in touch with them to arrange a deal like the one with B&H. On balance they are cheaper than Amazon, so my big photographic purchases tend to go through them.

For which I apologize...though my hugely inflated book buying habit does something to compensate for that lapse.

[Robert Roaldi]

Part of me really wanted to see a picture of female Elvis impersonators fighting.

[Jim Witkowski]

On NPR this morning was a mention that the guy who wrote the "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar" headline was laid off from the Post this week.

[Malcolm Leader]

Favorite tabloid headline (from the 70's): "Man swallows nails - rusts to death!"

[Crabby Umbo]

Just goes to show you dept. for Jim Huges:

http://jimromenesko.com/2013/08/15/new-york-post-axes-journalist-who-wrote-classic-headless-hed/

According to Romenesko, the guy that wrote that great headline (hed in the business), was just fired after years of good work!

[Marcus]

Just Bought some books, keep up the reminders

[Scott]

Mike, you may want to add an editorial remark to Anne's featured comment to clarify that we, The Readers, can *help TOP* by buying everything through your link. I am a frequent Amazon buyer (books and other sundry items) and not once did I think to buy it from your link (at least until I read Anne's forehead-slapping, OMG, comment).