The War Between Autocorrect and Spellcheck (OT)

Just recently, my email program has (via iOsmosis, I assume) acquired autocorrect—the first time I've ever used any writing program with that feature. I'm sure I'm very far from the first person to notice this, but autocorrect's function seems to be a) to correct some typing mistakes and b) make all the rest invisible to spellcheck!

When I type "I'll give him a noodge," I do not mean "I'll give him a noodle," which is what autocorrect serenely assumed I was trying to type. "Noodle," of course, while very much the wrong word, meets with spellcheck's wholehearted approval, so it then doesn't bother to...well, give me a noodge.

Any autocorrection program that doesn't countenance neo-Yiddish word variants and compounds is not being expansive enough. All things considered, if I get something wrong (which I often do—have I ever mentioned that I can't type? Really, I'm a horrible typist), I'd like at least a chance to give it my actual conscious sentient attention.

The word 'pro' jumps the shark
And as long as we're completely off topic, I think we can safely assume that the marketing word "pro" is now completely, utterly, 100% meaningless. If it wasn't already. Observed on a set of bedsheets at a Bed, Bath & Beyond store: "Sleep like a PRO!"

That's schmegeggy. If sleeping is a profession, I wanna know—that's going to be my next job.

Mike

Original contents copyright 2013 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site.

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(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

Steve G, Mendocino: "Well, you could apply for 'Lil Abner's old job as Mattress Tester for the Stunned Ox Mattress Company.... Seriously, spellchecking and autocorrection have no place in either professional or creative writing. Up until a short time ago I worked in the Composing department of a couple of weekly newspapers, and we made a habit of collecting howlers that passed spellchecking without question. A favorite was a headline in another paper that announced the 'beautification' of some worthy on their path to canonization. Well-thumbed copies of Webster's and the AP manual were kept close at hand."

Martin: "I understand there is a profession for which bedsheets could be considered a business consumable, but I'd think a wholesome respectable family store would want to disassociate themselves from such things...."

Bron: "Not schmegeggy, meshuggah. Really."

David Stubbs: "It should be called AutoCorrupt."

Paul Bartlett: "I imagine you've seen Damn You Autocorrect, or that someone else has already pointed it out."

Mike replies: Very funny! Some of those really made me "lol." Thanks.

Pritam Singh: "The swath that the word 'pro' cuts has ever been widening and has reached ridiculous heights, as you have rightly observed. Hunter S. Thompson contributed to its widening meaning (read: usage) a quantum jump in the '70s with the following line: 'When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.' It was a catchy line then. Modern-day tinkerers have beaten the little word out of any meaningful substance."

Matt: "If you thons autocorrectif si à pain In English, Troy Boeing bilingues and accidentelle Stuart typions with tour keyboard set to thé Wright Language. (If you think autocorrect is a pain in English, try being bilingual and accidentally start typing with your keyboard set to the wrong language.)"

Comments

[Svein-Frode]

"That's schmegeggy. If sleeping is a profession, I wanna know—that's going to be my next job."

Sounds tiring...

[Q]

I've always seen it spelled "nudge." Although, maybe never mind - the autocorrect for that might be more embarrassing than "noodle."

[Dennis]

Give it some time. Look how long it took camera makers to get auto exposure right.

[chris kleihege]

Dear Mike,
Kimberly Clark sells a "Pro" version of a paper towel dispenser (think next to the sink in a public facility). I refuse to think about what an "Amateur" or perhaps "Pedestrian" version would offer. It is difficult to imagine washing ones hands would be a professional skill set.
I don't want to think about this any longer.
Sincerely,
Chris Kleihege

[Robert Roaldi]

What would they put on condom advertizing, "Xxxx like a pro!" ?

[John Camp]

"If sleeping is a profession, I wanna know—that's going to be my next job."

In probably the most famous cartoon strip of the 40s and 50s, Al Capp's "Li'l Abner," Li'l Abner (the main character) was the "mattress tester" at the Dogpatch mattress factory, which meant, of course, that his job was to sleep. Just thought you'd want to know that there are some possibilities out there.

[Justin Ting]

Somewhat relevant article:

http://schott.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/13/the-oy-of-yiddish-part-1/

And this, well, because it's Cagney:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynpOEcPdjdk

[Hudson]

The worst part of auto (correct, spell, complete) are the ones that do not let you turn them off.

Doing technical writing and having all your subsection (c) converted to the copyright symbol by Word is a pain.

-Hudson

[JohnMFlores]

Sleep like a PRO? Isn't that the world's oldest profession?

[Dave in NM]

Would I be a noodge if I reminded you that the first round of choices for the Readers' Print Sale was completed in November of 2011?

[mark]

If memory serves, I believe Lil' Abner had a job as a mattress tester, so maybe your goal of being a pro sleeper isn't too far-fetched.

[ctein]

Dear Mike,

"If You Give a Mike a Noodle" will be the next best-selling children's book.

Also, you musta seen yesterday's Rhymes With Orange (consistently the cleverest comic being drawn today):

http://rhymeswithorange.com/comics/may-6-2013/

pax / Ctein

[hugh crawford]

"Sleep like a PRO!"
Brings to mind the worlds oldest profession, which is probably not what they had in mind.

[marcin wuu]

I'm sure I won't be the first with this :) http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/7581912/Advert-offers-600-a-week-to-sleep-on-the-job.html

I also saw somewhere an ad for a job that is sleeping in the bed in the shop window - like a live mannequin. If that doesn't constitute professional sleeping I don't know what does...

[jim]

Three letters
H.A.L.

[Jerry]

You could be mistaken in the assumption that "PRO" is short for "Professional".
I can think of another word it is often used for on the eastern side of the pond that is more closely associated with beds (but maybe not sleep).

[Roger Bradbury]

PRO is an acronym; Pricey, Replace Often.

[Doug Dolde]

The biggest story in a long while, the Adobe Creative Clown, is all over the web and forums yet you seem oblivious to it. I mean who cares about autocorrect when this is happening ?

[Ctein and I have been talking about it, but for the moment I don't have anything to say about it. We're late adopters here, not breathlessly first with the day's undigested news. --Mike]

[Eric Rose]

The use of PRO is almost as bad as referring to great bed sheets as the best sleep app ever.

[Del Bomberger]

I think perhaps you have "miles to go" before you sleep. At least let's hope so.

[Jim Hart]

>>If sleeping is a profession, I wanna know—that's going to be my next job.<<

Al Capp would be sooooo proud....

Regards,

Jim

[dale]

Oh well, I suck at sleeping too.....

[Steve Smith]

The fact that something called Spell Check should be called Spelling Check gives me good reason not to use it!

[Doug]

Along with "pro" everything (pro-sumer cameras come to mind) I've learned to hate the word "extreme." Extreme sports, extreme couponing, and of course extreme memory cards. It's all as silly as "double secret probation."

[Another Phil]

I wouldn't dare to give too much control to my computer, - I've spent too much time on the web site "Damn you autocorrect" to risk it!

Spell check on the other hand is useful.

[Mark]

I just bought a new 27" iMac with the Mountain Lion OS. I'm guessing it's a result of that, that email now has that dumb autocorrect. It is so annoying. I hate it. It might be nice if it learned, but it doesn't seem to.

[Earl Dunbar]

But given your own problems with sleep, would you really like to sleep like a PRO? Get thee to BB&B!

[toto]

Sleep like a Public Relations Officer?

Speaking of sleep, how's the CPAP working out?

[Steve Rosenblum]

I would say that is more of a "bubba-maisa" than "schmeggegy", but your mileage may vary! 8-)

[Joe]

It (Auto Correct) wouldn't be bad if you could turn it off. At least on my phone that's not an option.

[Bill Pearce]

There was once a comic in the "Sunday Funnies" where a character was a mattress tester. We all know what that was, and I would like to be one, but don't think I would like living in that alternate world

[Ari]

Not to be a noodge, but "schmegeggy" is a noun, its terminal "y" notwithstanding.

[Nature Lover]

Closely related:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OonDPGwAyfQ

May not be your style.
Nature Lover

[hugh crawford]

Spell checker, used by witches
Spell check, used to pay witches.
Spelling checker, used by writers.

[Sean]

If it wasn't for auto correct I'd have no idea that I was right all along.

[Sarge]

I still have to come across an auto-correct/spell-check/ dictionary app which has a broader vocabulary than mine, even though I'm not a native English speaker. These apps improve over time as you add more words to its memory, including in my case, untranslatable words in my first language. Which is why I hate having to upgrade my computer.

Cellphone apps that anticipate text are particularly frustating. I won't buy a cellphone which has a predictive text app that can't be turned off. I'm looking forward to the day when AI has sufficiently developed that such apps, including translators, get the nuances of human language.

Here's an e-translation from the original Bahasa (not my first language) of the condition of "Brand New" and "Mint" used cameras/lenses:

Brand New (100%):
• Body unit condition is 100% brand new.
• The previous owner has never used it.
• The previous owner could be: a collector, received it as a gift, wrong/regret/double/purchase by mistake.

Mint (95-99%):
• Body unit condition likes new.
• It’s been used by the previous owner rarely, but there is no trace of usages.
• The previous owner could be: half collector and half user, has not much time to use it, or easily get bored.

If I don't watch it, I'll probably fall under the category: "wrong/regret/double/purchase by mistake" which is slightly less onerous than the "easily get bored"(g).

[Peter Croft]

I had this up on my fridge for years:

I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC
It highlights for my review
Mistakes I cannot sea.

I ran this poem thru it
I'm sure your pleased to no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My checker told me sew.

Just search on Google and you'll find a much longer version that's even better.

[D. Hufford.]

I would assume that anyone with readers already has spell check, fact check, grammar check, and correct opinion check anyway, so having it as part of anything outside of an e-mail program is redundant. Depending on the e-mail recipients, it may be redundant there too.

[Greg Wostrel]

for those who are griping that Auto-Correct, Spell, etc can't be turned off - I have good news for you: you simply have not tried. Its quite easy.

On iOS devices: Settings App > General > Keyboard > make your selection...

On OSX (system-wide): System Preferences > Language and Text (top row labelled "Personal") > "Text" tab

OSX Mail: Mail > Preferences > Composing > make a selection in the "Check spelling" pop up menu.

There - all set. You are quite welcome.
:-)