'Never Grow Old, Never Ever Die Young'

By Ctein

This column is inspired by a comment from Richard Tugwell last week, to the effect that I was too old to be suffering a midlife crisis. It got me thinking about age, directions, and sharp right turns in one's career.

Partly I suppose it's in how one defines the term. Is a midlife crisis something that is only allowed to happen in one's 40s (in which case I have long missed the boat) and must be accompanied by a red sports car (so not my style)? If so, I am most assuredly disqualified. But if you accept that it refers to a deep disquiet with one's direction or lot in life that occurs in middle age, well then I'd say I still could succumb. Middle-aged ain't what it used to be. When I was a kid, 63 was considered, and rightly so, to be "old." Nowadays, with the healthcare and quality of life available to a white middle-class American, I'm still in middle age. Pushing towards the high end of it, probably, but medically, physiologically, mentally, and lifestyle-wise, I'm still squarely in the middle. So there's still time for me to have a crisis.

Mind you, I've never had one. Doesn't seem likely I will. My career has gradually drifted and mutated over the years, but it's been an organic process driven mostly by trying to address the question, "How do I make a living doing what I like to do?" Rather than "I'm living in a way I despair," which seems to me to be at the core of a midlife crisis. My work has always been centered around photography and instructional writing, in some guise or another.

But, there's nothing saying that can't change. Just because I've been doing this for almost 40 years now doesn't mean I'll be doing it for the next 40. Heck, I might not even be doing it next year. Maybe tearing down the darkroom will be such a psychic shock that'll undergo a complete change of direction in my life. OK, that does seem unlikely, to say the least. But, life can be surprising.

Now, those of you who've been making sums are about to say, "Ctein, are you really counting on another 40 years? Isn't that rather, um, improbable?"

Well, no, I'm not counting on it. I'm a big believer in "eat dessert first; life is uncertain." Also in "live life like there's no tomorrow." But, you know, there are two ways to take that. One way is to think it means your life is going to end today. Another is to think it means your life is never going to end...at least not so long as you don't actually die today, because there is no tomorrow.

Therein lies the key to thinking about the future. Tactically, act as though your days are in short supply. Strategically, you might as well assume you'll live forever. You won't, of course, but why not? If you turn out to be wrong, it's not like anyone's going to be pointing fingers at you and going "ha ha, I told you so." Well, not within your earshot, anyway (assuming there's an earshot in your particular afterlife).

You're never too old to make that sharp right turn. Or even a shallow one. You can change careers, outlooks, or even pointless automotive vehicles, at any time in your life. Age is not a qualifier.

My favorite example of this is Bob Cameron. If the name isn't familiar, certainly this book is: Above San Francisco. When this book was published in 1969, I knew nothing about the photographer. Neither, really, did anybody else; he was a new star on the scene. So, plausibly, I figured he was of my generation, a 20-something photographer recently embarking on his life as a photographer and finding his niche, the thing that worked for him and that was going to make his life and his career.

The first and foremost problem with that bit of armchair psychology was that I was a little off on the age. Assuming you'd call three decades "a little." Bob was born in 1911. While he had done some professional photography in his youth, that was not his life's career. He spent most of it, up to that point, in marketing and imports. That was his business. When he decided he'd had enough of that, he retired and launched his second career, to become one of the all-time successful aerial photographers.

Keep in mind that this was over 40 years ago, when being your late 50s was leaving middle age and knocking at the door of elderly, when you were supposed to be looking to your retirement and your leisurely golden years. Well, Bob ran that clock out for another four decades. Up until his mid-90s, his health and eyesight were still good enough that he was still flying and photographing.

Could he have had any notion when he published the first book that he'd still have a vitally active 35 years ahead of him? Nah. But did he assume he didn't? Nah. He just ran with it.

Was that a midlife crisis? I doubt it. He just decided he'd finished one phase of his life and it was time to enter a new one. But it could've been. It most certainly was a radical change. You're never too old for one of those.

Or, as James Taylor put it...well, see this column's title.

Ctein

Ctein's regular weekly column appears on TOP on Wednesdays.

Original contents copyright 2013 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved. Links in this post may be to our affiliates; sales through affiliate links may benefit this site.

(To see all the comments, click on the "Comments" link below.)
Featured Comments from:

Mark: "Please don't take offense, but that was my favorite column of yours. Ah, midlife. I just turned 56. Just finished a five mile hike with my dogs. They say it's freezing here in New York. I was wearing a new down jacket by Outdoor Research, super light and very warm. I was lucky enough to have worked for the government for 32 years. My dad told me when I was a kid, work for the government. You won't get rich, but you'll have job security, benefits and a pension. He was spot on. Now I collect my pension, having retired two years ago, work freelance in the same line of work, make a great living, have three months a year off, and love life. Red sports car? That is so me."

Tom Robbins: "Ahhh, this is a breath of fresh air on a cloudy winter day. Totally cheered me up."

David Miller: "Amen to your column, Ctein!

"My first two right-angle turns—career changes—were not prompted by dissatisfaction with my life at the time, but rather by a greater passion to do something else. From acting I moved to building stringed instruments when my 'between engagements' hobby of instrument-making became more satisfying than my gainful (sort of) work on stage. From there (after caring for a dying relative) I moved into health care because I found the rewards (for my heart, if not initially to my wallet) were even greater. The third change will be a little different: after being dragged gradually 'upwards' into a position with more administrative and fewer patient-care duties, I found myself in yet another meeting last week, thinking, 'This isn't what I came here to do!' I gave notice at the end of the meeting. This time I'll have a modest pension, but there's still a new double career waiting in the wings: I plan to garden and learn to draw. (Why drawing? Because I can't achieve what I want to with photography alone.)

"There have been three common features in each of the changes: 1) The decision has been instantaneous and completely confident; there has been no drawn-out internal debate. 2) The decision has been triggered by passion; I have listened to my heart. And 3) I have shown absolutely no instinctive aptitude for the next career, but only a burning desire to do it and do it well. So far the system seems to be working very well for me.

"Have a great next 40 years, Ctein…but above all, have a great day today!"

Comments

[Mike Johnston]

And it's never too late to start wanting a red Ferrari, Ctein. [g]

Mike

[KeithB]

I think the feeling behind a midlife crisis can be summed up in the chorus of a song I heard on KROQ in Los Angeles many years ago:

"Birth. School. Work. Death."

[Rob Reiter]

Couldn't agree more with the mid-life crisis thing. Countless mothers have asked us "Would you jump off a cliff just because everyone else did?" Likewise, if you haven't died yet, what makes you think you will, just because a bunch of other people have?

Of course, a bit more realistically, you probably don't have more than another 40-50 years to do all the things you've dreamed of, so don't wait!

[Joe Kashi]

John Glenn flew a Space Shuttle mission when 77. Chuck Yeager was still flying supersonic fighter aircraft into his 70s while Norman Vaughan, who went to Antarctica with Admiral Byrd in the late 1920s, was running the Iditarod sled dog race (Anchorage to Nome, nominally 1049 miles) and mounting Antarctic expeditions in his late 80s. There's hope for all of us early 60s types, if we stay reasonably fit.

[MJFerron]

A year ago at age 57 I decided to do battle with Father Time. I now only eat whole foods at proper proportions and perform weight lifting exercises 5 days a week. I've shed much fat and am noticeably stronger with improved muscle tone.

Mid-life crisis? I dunno. More like a last ditch effort to halt and in some ways reverse damage done due to poor eating habits and lack of quality exercise. Not trying to live longer really but am trying to add some quality to my older years.

This routine has added a new vigor and confidence to my life. At work I no longer feel like the old guy trying to compete with my younger peers. I now have more energy than most of them. My advice? Don't go down without a fight. (Health willing)

[Manuel]

Well, we all know, after Martin Heidegger, we're 'Sein zum Tode'. The awareness of death is what distinguishes us from other species and prompts those 'live life like there's no tomorrow' and 'eat dessert first' clichés. (The latter doesn't certainly apply to me; I prefer soup first, but let's not get too literal.) It is only natural, then, that we want to taste life while we can and try to make the most of it - no matter how old we are. It's the sense of incompleteness, and the feeling of no longer being able to get anything worthwhile from life, that cause those "midlife crisis".
I believe it's never too late. I started photographing a month before I was 47, i. e. less than three years ago (thus way past the age people normally start photographing), but I'm far from being the most accomplished example of starting something new at a certain age. Leni Riefenstahl (she may have been linked to the IIIrd Reich, but she was nevertheless a fascinating person) discovered underwater photography at 70, and we've all heard about grandmas parachuting for the first time for celebrating their 75th anniversary and people getting their university degrees at an old age.
One day I went swimming - an exercise I recommend to everyone - and I saw an old man swimming in perfect style. Most old men are poor swimmers, but that one had a wonderful style, with wide, perfectly synchronized movements. Intrigued, I asked him how old he was. "I'm 74" - he answered, smiling cheekily. "I learned to swim last year", he proceeded. I guess he doesn't pay much attention to midlife crises.
No, it's never too late.

[Geoff Wittig]

As a family physician in a small town, I spend a lot of time talking to people about their lives and their aspirations. One of the most depressing observations is how many people genuinely loathe what they're doing with most of their time. This generally means unpleasant or dissatisfying employment, but I've also been struck by how many people burn their available leisure hours watching the idiot box, or consumed with mindless 'recreational shopping'. Gosh, but you can do better than that, even if you're stuck with a soul-sucking job and a gargoyle boss.

I try to do my small part by encouraging folks to cultivate an avocation that is creative, engrossing, captivating, and likely to enlarge their horizons.

You know. Something like photography. Particularly now that the barriers to entry are so very low, with really excellent image quality from small and affordable cameras.

I have large prints on the walls of (what I consider) my best work, and I gently encourage folks who seem stuck to pursue something similar that they can feel passionate about. I haven't had anyone drop that pointless career as CEO and run off to become a fine art photographer; but I have been thrilled to see more than a few folks take up the hobby with delight, and several have proudly shown me their awards from contests they entered. I'll sometimes run off a large print of an especially good photo one of my patients is happy with; their appreciation is well worth the paper & ink.

Sometimes I think I do more good for my patients by encouraging them to feed their souls than by treating their high blood pressure or diabetes.

[Richard Tugwell]

As the unwitting instigator of this post, I must say that I unfortunately use the term "mid-life crisis" blithely and rather too often, and I almost never mean it in relation to age! Just a point at which we re-assess what on earth it is we are up to and what the dickety it's all about. Could happen at any age, happens to me all the time....

[William Barnett-Lewis]

Good thoughts.

My favorite expression of the idea I read on a mailing list over a decade ago & I've tried to live by it ever since:

"Live like you will never die, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is watching."
--Alex White

[JG]

Personally, I prefer to think of the pointless sportscar I recently purchased as a midlife reward rather a midlife crisis toy. I doubt that I'll ever be in the position to buy another one in the future, but I am very much enjoying this one in the here and now! 8^)

[Player]

Funny you mention this Ctein. I'm 57. I just sold my house to a real estate investor to speed up the selling process, and I'm moving to Indiana to begin a career transporting RV trailers. Ever since I was a little kid I always fantasized about being an over-the-road truck driver. Transporting RVs isn't exactly that since I'll be driving a one-ton dually diesel pickup truck that I'll have to purchase, but it's still truck driving, and I'll still be on the road.

Mid-life crisis? I don't know. Part of my original motivation to move was finding a reason to escape liberal, tax and regulate anything that moves, Massachusetts, but remembering my truck driving desire as a youth has rendered the political motivation almost irrelevant. I can't wait to hit the road and possibly discover, as a bonus, that it is still possible to be free (or at least create the illusion of freedom) in America in 2013 and beyond.

Your essay has inspired me even more. Thankyou.

[Hélcio J. Tagliolatto]

Thank you, Ctein!

[Dave Jenkins]

I think someone said a long time ago "So teach us to number our days, that we may get us a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)

I'm 75, and my philosophy (learned from my Dad's example) is this: Think young. Thinking old will kill you.

[Bob Rapp]

First sign of a mid-life crisis is when the new Corvette looks exciting!

[Bear.]

"Rage, rage, against the dying of the light".

[R. Edelman]

When he was in his fifties, Howard Schatz left a successful career as a retina specialist in San Francisco and moved to New York with his wife Beverly (who is also his business partner) and became a successful commercial photographer. Howard and people like him possess the four qualities that are necessary to accomplish something like this: vision, determination, organization, and talent.

[albert erickson]

Ctein, This post really hit home. I just retired from a 35 year career that I enjoyed to begin my work as an artist/photographer. I do find it hard to move forward with all the other demands of life that we all have to cope with, but all and all I am enjoying the journey. Great post love your thoughts

[dan]

Its a shame everyone is so terrified of being "old" in modern culture. I'm 45 and assumming I live the expected 78 years that is typical for my gender/race I'd say I'm actually PAST middle age.

With age comes wisdom. I'm hoping I am lucky enough to become "old". (Mind you there is a big difference between "old" and "decrepid")

63 is not middle aged, its gloriously old.

[Timprov]

I realized a while back that the cost of not preparing to live forever is arbitrarily large, so it almost doesn't matter how unlikely it is.

[James Bullard]

My attitude is that all the time I have to do what I want in is NOW. Not that I don't expect to live another 30-40 years in fact I aspire to live to be 100+ but... I can't do anything in tomorrow (or any other future time) until it gets here, until it is NOW.

[Crabby Umbo]

Stay out of the Germanic Mid-west...people slave away in punishing jobs their whole lives, being told they're expendable; just for a chance to be left alone when they retire, so they can sit in the garage.

No one expects, or even wants to work past 60 if they can help it. And if you're like me, and came back here for ageing family reasons, not only will people not work with you, or hire you past the age of 55, they'll ridicule you for even trying to develop something; and look at you like you're crazy or a loser that has to work because he didn't get a decent 30 year job.

You're not as old as you feel, you're as old as the people around you try and make you feel with their incessant opinions and truncated lives! Sometimes your survival is dependent on moving someplace with a more modern culture!

[JohnMFlores]

I have managed, since my early twenties, to have a midlife crisis every five years. I highly recommend it, repeatedly asking one's self, "Am I happy on the path that I am on?"

[David Howard]

Harry Truman didn't get into politics till in his 50's

[jr cline]

Alive at 60 and planning a major new life adventure. I understand this blot.

[Jean H.]

Thank you for this joyful read, Ctein! 63 in 28 days. As a not quite young woman -- you know in those olden days when they didn't call us adults until we were 21? -- I didn't know exactly what I wanted to "be when I grew up." I DID know, though, something I DIDN'T want and that was to be in any kind of job with a forced retirement age so I came up with this solution, "I want to be an eccentric old woman who is loved by young people." When I told my two 20-something kids that a couple of years ago, my oldest burst out laughing and said, "Well, you've got the first part down pat!!!"

ATM my goal is to live to be 120 while taking all the precautions necessary to prevent decripedness from setting in which is basically, in my understanding, to just live with passion and keep moving every day. So, I did the math after some seemed to think that your living another 40 years might be a stretch and discovered that my goal is 57 years away yet....

Good luck, Ctein!!!!