April 1st...

...And I got nuthin'. Not in that kind of mood, I guess. March just bagged its last chance to go out like a lamb; it warmed up a little yesterday, but we've got snow in the forecast. And now I really have to do my taxes, which is going to be gruesome.

I'm not a real basketball fan—I just learned that March Madness doesn't end in March. (When I woke up thinking, hey, how come I didn't hear who won the big tournament?) March is a very inconclusive month, apparently. Personally, I don't think they need to play the last few games—the purpose of the tournament is to determine the best team, and that's gotta be Butler. A mid-tier program that lost its standout star player from last year (Gordon Hayward, who went wayward, to the bizarrely-named Utah Jazz of the NBA*) and they still beat something like 17 seeded teams in a row and got back into the Final Four. Send everybody else home, I say. Crown Butler, yesterday. March is over.

Speaking of inconclusive, eighty-three readers have ordered this week's Book of the Week from Amazon, but, as of yesterday, Amazon has delivered zero of them. To be decided in April, like everything else about this March. I'm watching closely.

Immortal Sensei Oren-san procured a copy from alternative sourcing (he has been duly scorched for this disloyalty) and has pronounced it Good.

And speaking of basketball, they're supposed to be retiring Dennis Rodman's number in Detroit later today. Wouldn't it be a great April Fool's joke if he showed up and they were kidding?

(No hate for Dennis. He was just a hard player to like unless he happened to be playing for your team, is all. I was in Chicago when he came to the Bulls, and the complicated about-face of Bulls Nation—from flagrant hate to smug love—was worth a sociological study all in itself.)

I'm going to let you illustrate this post yourself. Do a Google image search on "Dennis Rodman." Who can pick just one? Captioning bon mot: "Dennis Rodman in drag, although it can be hard to tell."

Have a good April Fool's Day. As the Sarge on "Hill Street Blues" used to say: "Let's be careful out there."

Mike

*No more bizarre than "Los Angeles Lakers," which only seems less odd because we're used to it. The "Lakers," of course, originated in Minnesota, a.k.a. "Land of 10,000 Lakes." The nickname is not an exaggeration: there are actually 11,842 lakes larger than ten acres in size in Minnesota, which has more shoreline than California, Hawaii, and Florida combined. I wouldn't have liked to be the guy who had to figure that out.

At last, an illustration for this inconclusive post:

Random chunk of the map of Minnesota showing why they call it that

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Featured Comment by Ed Gaillard: "The 'bizarrely-named Utah Jazz of the NBA' were of course originally the New Orleans Jazz. Man, I loved Pistol Pete Maravich. I maintain that the NBA made a mistake when the Toronto franchise entered the league. Instead of letting them be called the Raptors, they should have made them the Jazz (at least Toronto has a well-known jazz festival) and renamed the Utah franchise 'Utahraptor.' Not 'the Utah Raptors,' not even 'the Utahraptors'—just "Utahraptor.' Coolest team name ever, with the image of the whole team as one nasty fast predator. Imagine the sports reports: 'In Salt Lake City tonight, Utahraptor devoured the Knicks 108-93' and the like. Bizarrely, Google tells me that Utah's State Fossil is Allosaurus and not Utahraptor. Oh, come on!"

Utahraptor ostrommayorum

Featured Comment by GKFroehlich: "Yeah, and Utah's state bird is the California Gull (Larus californicus). They couldn't get their own?"

 

Featured Comment by Steve Weeks: "Coach for the Jazz Frank Layden once replied when asked his thoughts on an upcoming Jazz-Lakers series that the names bothered him. Paraphrasing, 'There aren't any lakes in Los Angeles and there damn sure isn't any jazz in Salt Lake.'"

Featured Comment by Chuck Holst: "Now that's a picture to warm the cockles of my heart. The upper half of the map is in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness, and I've actually camped on one of those lakes (Pine Lake, east of Trout Lake). The southeastern shore of Vermillion was recently purchased by the state and will eventually be Minnesota's newest state park. There's another state park, Bearhead Lake State Park, at the lower right edge of the map and yet another at Soudan, site of an underground iron mine where a University of Minnesota physics lab is trying to capture neutrinos shot its way through the earth from Chicago. There was a fire in the mine about a week ago, but last I heard, the lab is safe. Bet you didn't know there was so much of interest in your random pick."

Featured Comment by Ahem: "I'm from Finland, and we have Minnesota beat by an order of a magnitude with 187,888 lakes."

Mike replies: That is impressive. Seems the standard of measurement is a bit different between our references, however. But I sure don't want to have to be the guy who has to answer the question 'Which has more lakes, Minnesota or Finland?' either.

Featured Comment by erlik: "Mike, no luck now, either. April is the cruelest month."

Featured Comment by Timo: "Not such a random chunk for me: on your map, my father's birthplace, and his grave. In turn, his father was born in Finland. Let's just be clear: many, many, many more lakes there, by any measure, than fair MN; and its sea shorelines as intricate as anywhere in the world."

Comments

[David Goldenberg]

What, you don't think Utah is jazzy?

David, from Salt Lake City

[Adam Lanigan]

I'm positive I won't be the only person to point this out - and as a non-fan of basketball, I don't even know why this resides in my brain - but the bizarrely-named Utah Jazz got their name due to a similar geographic shift as the Lakers, moving to Utah from New Orleans.

[Art Elkon]

The most apropos April Fool's prank I can think of would be an announcement of a matte black version of the Fujipix X-100 available for immediate shipment... I'd be one of those suckers racing to B&H or Amazon (through TOP, of course...).

[James]

Dennis Rodman seems like a perfectly normal looking kid to me, although wearing a button-down checked shirt indicates he's going to grow up as a real square. He needs to loosen up a little, IMO.

http://www.celebrityschoolpics.com/celebrity/001361/dennis-rodman/

Speaking of April 1st, I'm on my own for a few days, so I didn't as normal have some "see it coming from a mile away" April Fool joke from the children to remind me of the date. I was therefore completely unprepared when reading an apparently serious article in a respected newspaper that had the scoop that Portugal is selling the football player Ronaldo to Spain for €160 million in a desperate attempt to decrease a looming sovereign debt crisis. I was also sadly duped by the Google Motion spoof. At least, I hope it's a spoof....

[MJFerron]

I dunno Mike. Virginia Commonwealth is another final 4 Cinderella team that no one expected to alive at this point. They deserve co-crowning if you want to go that route.

And while on the subject why are my Boston Celtics called the Celtics when there isn't one Irishman on the team? (and no Shaq doesn't count despite his last name. :0)

[Chuck Albertson]

Cheer up, Mike. Baseball season has started, even if they have to shovel snow off half the diamonds.

[Tom Clifton]

@Ed, but with those little arms, it could never make a lay up.

[Owen R Auer]

I love the fact that they move teams to other cities and never change the names. Why? They moved the NFL St Louis Cardinals to Arizona, Do they even have Cardinals in Arizona?
What about Brooklyn, the Dodgers move to LA and keep the same name that they got from dodging streetcars? Baltimore Colts move to Indy? Lots of new names they could have used besides the Colts. Must be a law about changing names.....

[Sam]

I remember when they launched the Raptors, and I heard at the time they considered the name Toronto Saurus Rex, which I thought was brilliant at the time (I was 13). I don't think that was actually true though, unfortunately.

[Erik]

I thought the Lakers were named for the ships that worked the Great Lakes? Hmmm. Your position seems reasonable, however, typing define lakers into google results in the following:

(North American) A ship used on the Great Lakes. Salt water sailor's definition: an ocean going vessel that is small enough to navigate the locks and canals of the St. ...
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/laker

Type of ship which trades only in the Great Lakes of North America. They usually carry grain and ore cargoes.
www.vpa.org.vn/english/Maritime_term/glossary4/l.htm

a vessel whose primary function is restricted to inter-coastal navigation along the Great Lakes and St. Lawrence Seaway
www.grainscanada.gc.ca/legislation-legislation/bill-projetloi/definitions-eng.htm

lakers - Nickname of the Lake Superior State athletic teams. Originally known as the Soo Tech Hornets, the name was changed to Soo Lakers when the school became an independent four-year college in 1967. The name was derived from the people who work on the lake freighters which pass through the Soo Locks.
www.lssu.edu/admissions/lakerterms.php

I kind of like the idea of the "people who work on lake freighters" definition.

[Mike Nelson Pedde]

Personally I thought this one was great:

http://theinvisiblecamera.com/

Mike.

[Chuck Albertson]

The Seattle Supersonics of the NBA (they've gone the way of the Electric Banana--"Don't look for it, it's not there anymore...") picked up their name in the late '60's, when Boeing was going to build and sell the Supersonic Transport. The 747 was intended to be a "bridge" aircraft until all the carriers took delivery of their SSTs, after which it would remain in the catalog as a freighter.

[Christopher Lane]

Mike,

Thanks. The problem is that our "shoreline" is frozen over for six months out of every year. Bring on Florida. I am practicing.

Chris

[steveH]

I grew up in Southern California in the '50s and '60s and never could figure out how the Lakers got their name, nor what lakes they were talking about. All the ones I knew about that weren't Corp of Engineers-built were dry most of the year. We caught a lot more lizards and snakes on 'em than ever a polliwog.

@Owen, yes there are Northern Cardinals native to Arizona. The bird's range extends down as far as the Yucatan in Mexico, though likely more in the high country, less in the low desert.

[scotth]

When I used to play minor hockey, the guy that you played against all season and hated, the guy that you always relished catching with his head down, the guy you always butt ended in the ribs in front of the net when you were covering in front of the net, the guy that you always put your elbows up just a little going into the corner against, and always did the same to you, would eventually be on your team. Inevitably, you would end up being the best of friends.

A player that aggravates the fans of every team they play against is bound to be a favourite of the fans of the team they are playing for.

[Sven W]

Bob Johnson has thrown his hat in the ring with this item:

http://www.earthboundlight.com/phototips/adobe-cs6-photoshop-and-lightroom.html

[Bryce Lee]

April 1, 2011,
Opening season day of the Toronto Blue Jays baseball team.
Sold out! Yes at the Rogers Centre...mind there is a retractable roof over the top which in turn means a bit warmer inside...

[Joe Kashi]

Sorry, Finland and Minnesota - Alaska has you beat, individually or combined. We have an estimated 3,000,000 lakes. The aeronautical charts often just note "numerous small lakes" and don't even try to show or name anything under several square miles.

[Ross Chambers]

Ah but Finland also has Jean Sibelius and his many heirs, Minnesota has just Bob Dylan, Garrison Keillor adds some to the credit side, but I can't see Lake Woebegone on your map.

[erlik]

Timo, I beg to differ about your coastline. Take a look at Croatia and Greece, for instance. The ratio of land area to the length of coast is humongous for countries that are not made solely of islands, like Micronesia is. There's about twenty islands right in front of my hometown.

[Steve Jacob]

Lakers? Finally someone explained it, thanks for that! TOP really is a nugget mine.

Mind you, lakes are not the only thing it has in common with Finland. I'm amazed Minnesota doesn't have a team called the Skeeters.

[RobG]

State fossil? C'mon, this has gotta be an All Fool's Day joke, right?

And surely, if the Utahraptors devoured the Knicks, wouldn't they (it?) have to be careful not to choke on the elastic? (Or have I got that all mixed up....)

[Dmitriy Kostyuchenko]

On a note related to Utah's Jazz and California Seagull, the state tree is the Colorado Blue Spruce.

[Chuck Holst]

Erik: The team was originally the Minneapolis Lakers, and one of the nicknames for Minneapolis (Mill City being another) is City of Lakes, there being at least eight within the city limits, most of which lie in a preglacial bed of the Mississippi River.

[hugh crawford]

Well they they could have changed the name to the LA Lawyers and maintained the alliteration.