I'm sick again, sicker than I've been in a long time, with every "flu-like" symptom known to humankind and maybe a couple more besides...sure feels like a lot going on inside me.
I fear sleep when I'm sick, because it's so hard to rest easy—you're congested, you want to cough, everything aches. I keep waking up uncomfortable.
I dream uneasily, too. I guess I've been in this business too long, because last night I had the most vivid camera-anxiety dreams I've ever had! I was back on the shores of lake where my family had a house for 100 years, and the weather was dramatic. I kept framing pictures with cameras that wouldn't work—either the batteries were exhausted, or the cameras had no lens, or I kept looking for cards and batteries or other cameras that were lost, and I couldn't find anything that would work. At one point I was using an old Olympus rangefinder and realized I'd forgotten to manually focus the lens, ruining a bunch of great pictures; another time I was shooting with a film camera and trying to conserve film on the 24-exposure roll, only to be greeted with that once-familiar rewind whirr when I tried to take the much-desired 13th picture—realizing I only had a 12-exposure roll in the camera (I used to hate those). Shadowy individuals kept taking my cameras, or playing with them and changing all the settings, or unplugging the chargers...
...And meanwhile I kept missing all sorts of visual opportunities, which unfolded fantastically in my imagination's eye and then dispersed again, the way pictures appear and disappear again in the real world.
I'm not much good at dream interpretations, but maybe that dream was telling me I'm not shooting enough, or shooting with too many different cameras, or I'm not prepared enough. Time to get more serious, maybe? Who knows.
I'll tell you one thing, though. If I ever make it to the Finger Lakes (where S. lives), I'm going to be a real photographer again, in earnest (because, like all photographers, I dream of being a photographer). I resonate with this area; it matches how I see. I feel a sense of visual sympatico with the land and its people. I see pictures all over that place.
If I ever get there, I trust I'll be able to get my hands on a camera that actually works. :-)
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Featured Comments from:
Joe: "Stress dreams! Students dream they forgot to go to class all semester and the final is tomorrow. Actors dream that they're getting the cue to go onstage but suddenly realize that they forgot to memorize their lines. And now we know about photographers' stress dreams."
Jim Freeman: "Poor Mike, two trips in the aluminum germ tube have taken its toll on our favorite blogger. Now, as to the 'dream,' it sounds more like a hallucination to me, flu induced. Get well soon."
William Schneider: "What a coincidence! I have exactly the same kind of camera failure dream at least once per month. Trouble is that some of them really happened."
Luke: "Missing cards, changed settings, lenses swapped around....so many details sound just like a normal day here at Imaging Resource. The horror...."
David Aureden: "The Finger Lakes are wonderful. Sleepy, overcast, cold, fresh, clear, bright, invigorating. A little lost in time, moldering, with unexpected pockets of progress. And a rich source of photographic inspiration."
Phil Douglis: "Sorry you are ill, Mike. Out here in the Arizona desert, the heavy pollen season is with us, and those of with allergies are having long nights as well. As for those frustrating photographic nightmares, they are a common occurrence with me. Only my woes are not as equipment-specific as yours. In my own photo-dream, I simply press the shutter release button again and again, and nothing happens. No reasons are ever provided, and all the while, remarkable photographic opportunities continue to disappear, forever unrealized. Get well."