A guide to local weather in Wisconsin
+90°F: Dangerously hot. Torrid. Insufferable. Check on elderly neighbors, bring pets indoors. Hospitals inundated with heatstroke victims.
+80°F: Very hot! We'd be in trouble wit'out dat air conditioning, hey? Get lots of fluids, don't exert yourself.
+60°F: Balmy. Nice day—not too hot.
+50°F: Crisp. In early Autumn, cause for anticipation. In early Springtime, considered hot.
+40°F: Brisk. Fewer kids seen playing outdoors in T-shirts.
+30°F: Bring in the garden hoses! Kids should wear sweatshirts even if they don't want to.
+20°F: Deer huntin' weather, hey? Be sure to get outdoors and enjoy the nice day.
+10°F: Gettin' kinda cold. Time to break out the winter coats!
0°F: Put off washing the car. No more barbeque on the Weber. Start to leave furnace on during the day.
–10°F: Winter's here, oh yay. Wear your good mittens. Close windows in kids' rooms at night. Wisconsites greet each other by saying, "Cold enough for you?" More than half answer, "Nope, not me, I like it!"
–20°F: In summer you make fun of us, but this is why we're fat: fat is darn good insulation. No sledding for the smaller children, if it's windy.
–30°F: Two words: heated dipstick! Dogs can sleep indoors. Outdoorsmen know what separates the men from the boys: good hats.
–40°F: Cold makes the news. More than a week of this and it reaches the pipes. Even skinflints turn up the furnace.
–50°F: We hardly ever get this nice a cold any more, thanks to that darn global warming. Schools close. Holes for ice fishing hard to keep open without turning on the Coleman in the fishing shed.
–60°F: SUVs won't start. Better put off Wal-Mart trip till tomorrow.
–70°F: Exposed flesh freezes. What the heck is this, Minnesota?
[Originally published in 2006 when I lived in Wisconsin.]
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Featured Comments from:
Charlie Ewers: "When we lived in Wisconsin (Richland County) I remember routinely waiting until it got UP to zero to go out and split some wood. One day when the actual temp (not the windchill) was somewhere around minus 35, and snow was coming down pretty hard, the county sheriff came on the radio and told people to stay home. But I was out of cigarettes and the nearest grocery store was only 13 miles away, so what the hell? Glad I'm much older and (I hope) wiser now."
David Zivic: "A guide to local weather in Cabo San Lucas where I live:
+100°F: Too hot to work.
+90°F: Too hot to work.
+80°F: Too hot to work.
+70°F: Too hot to work.
+60°F: Never Happens."
Ranjit Grover: "For us, here in southern India, all this sounds very strange and unreal. Our temperatures never go below 25 Celsius or above 35 Celsius. If it goes up, it will rain and that will cool us. We have essentially two seasons. 1) Dry hot 2) Rainy hot. Dry or wet, it is always 100% humidity. So we sweat all the time. Unfortunately we cannot wear a rain coat while walking in the rain; it gets too hot. We have to use an umbrella. The good part is we need only one set of clothes for the whole year, wet hot or dry hot. One shirt and a trouser. And a pair of sandals. Have a good time."