Today, the Butler Bulldogs a.k.a. "Dawgs" of tiny Butler University, in Indianapolis, take on mighty...well, not Duke. They're actually playing Michigan State. Duke is in the other half of the draw.
The friction with Duke arises because Butler—which is mainly famous, basketball-wise, for the fact that the movie "Hoosiers" was filmed in its historic Hinckle Fieldhouse, now an actual tourist attraction because of it—has never been to the Final Four before, whereas Duke, which is the New York Yankees of Men's college basketball, gets to go to the Final Four every other year on average, once every four years at an absolute minimum, according to NCAA bylaws.
So yesterday, the Sports Section of the Indianapolis Star ran a big picture of Duke coach Mike Krysherwesjkidgxjikyshrwski (pronounced "shhhh") with a mustache, a target on his forehead, and (allegedly) horns (I can't see the horns).
They were a bit into the press run when the grownups found out. Opinion was divided as to whether Coach K looked dashing or dastardly with the 'stache, but the target on the forehead was deemed to have been questionable—the United States, with its combination of low social cohesion and a heavily armed populace, is known to be a touch volatile, and anything that might be construed as inciting low-IQ individuals to actual violence tends to set sober adults a bit on edge.
Coach K called the picture "juvenile," but then, he's a poopy-head. The perpetrators were sent to their rooms. The newspaper apologized to Duke.
Anyway, the paper's editors decided to interrupt the press run and replace the drawn-on picture. The Star estimates that "only about 30,000" newspapers got out with the drawn-on picture state-wide—thus creating an instant collectible for Hoosier basketball fans.
(For those of you from foreign countries, a "Hoosier" is defined as anyone who was taught in grade school that James Whitcomb Riley was a major American poet, thinks high school basketball is objectively a more important sport than professional football or baseball, has known from birth what "brickyard" refers to, does not immediately think of a bird when encountering the word "Bird," and calls asphalt "SEE-ment.")
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Original contents copyright 2010 by Michael C. Johnston and/or the bylined author. All Rights Reserved.